I’m an aesthetically-minded girly.

I’ll be totally honest in saying that I need things to not only be organized- but look pretty too. I mean, obviously it’s nice to look at. But the bigger, more important reason?

My brain functions better when my environment makes me happy. So naturally, that extends to my devices- including my laptop, phone and more.

Now the truth is that I’ve been sporting an iPhone 11 for the last 5 years… and I’ve wanted a ‘new to me’ upgrade for a while. So when the battery started to go this summer I decided it was time, and I found me a steal of a deal on a mint-condition Iphone 15 Pro for $600 (thanks marketplace).

One thing I didn’t anticipate though (since it’s been years since I had a new phone), was the amount of time it would take to redownload all of my apps, sign into them, and reorganize them so that there are the same way as they’ve been for years.

It took forever. So needless to say, I was super excited when it was all completed- and I happily shared a couple screenshots on both here (Substack) as well as my socials.

Hours later I opened up my phone to see my inbox had blown up with so many of you asking how I made it look like this- and of course, the only reasonable thing to do was to provide you with this guide.

I’ll start by stating that this is for an Iphone set up. I’ve never had an android and I unfortunately have no idea if this can be done on them. This will likely require a bit of research on your end- or, if someone knows for certain, please drop below to the comments and keep us all in the loop!

So let’s dive in, shall we?

The Look:

The above is the current set up of my phone, including the lock screen, home screen, second and third screen. For a clearer picture, you can view any of these diagram sets on Canva HERE.

As you can see from the above, the coloring and organization of my phone is set up to match. Personally, I have my folders organized in a way that the apps I use most for certain things are grouped together- like all of my banking/finance apps in one folder, or all of my fitness apps in their own as well.

I have also left the things I tend to use most often, directly accessible on my home screen, with things that I don’t use as often (or don’t want to see as often) on the second and third screen (like my social media apps).

As a completely unrelated note, something that is also worth mentioning is that to keep with the aesthetic look and to keep my anxiety in check, I also have 99% of my apps turned OFF for notifications.

Meaning, I won’t get the big badge of numbers for anything other than messages, phone, or Whatsapp. Literally everything else remains a mystery to me unless I open the app- which has been a practice of mine that’s worked well for years. But that’s a topic for another time.

Now to get started with your own personal aesthetic look- you’ll first need to start with a background image that your colouring will be based off of. I highly recommend choosing an image (or a set of images) that create an emotional response or sensation for what you wish to feel each time you open your phone.

For me? I’m a big believer on vision boards, and as such, create a new one a few times per year (which is the background of my phone displayed here- and also the same for my laptop).

I created this wallpaper by considering the ‘vibe’ I want for this stage of my life and what I’m calling in ‘more’ of. I chose images that made me feel happy, at peace, excited, in my feminine, etc.

So before choosing the images that YOU personally want for your background, I recommend sitting with the question ‘how do I want to feel when I look at this?’ and also, ‘what is it that I am calling in for my future?’. Let that guide you in the selection of the pictures that you want for your board/background.

For access to the exact collage template I used on Canva, with the photos I’ve also used (originally from Pinterest), see HERE. You’ll be able to make a copy of this and change out the images for anything that you want (or heck, use the exact same one if you want).

Once you have the image you want for your background, you’ll go ahead and save that to your camera roll- and then under your settings in your phone, find and select ‘custom wallpaper’ and choose the image for both your home and lock screen.

The Organization:

After your wallpaper has been chosen and set, the next step to creating a design like this is to get organized. I’ll be walking you through the absolute basics of app moving, so if you already know how to do this- feel free to skip further down below.

STEP ONE → PRESS + HOLD

Take your finger and place it on the home screen, holding it until the apps start to slightly wiggle and you see little ‘-’ signs on every app. This is how you move and organize the apps that you have so that they are set up as you’d like.

You can also ‘hit’ the - sign to remove an app from your screen. It’ll give you the option to just remove the shortcut, or to delete the app entirely from your phone.

Please note that if you choose to delete it, all of the content within that app with also be removed (unless you choose to restore the app and sign back in).

STEP TWO → DRAG + RENAME

While in the ‘edit’ mode, you can then use your finger to grab an app and drag it to a different place on your phone. You can rearrange the entire screen as you’d like- including the main bottom 4x spots (which stay the same no matter what screen you’re viewing).

To group multiple apps in one folder, you’ll drag the app you are currently clicked on and hover it above another app that is similar. You’ll see that when you do this a folder appears, and you can ‘drop’ it into that folder.

Dropped an app where you didn’t want it? No big deal. Just repeat the press and hold steps and reselect the app you want, dragging it to the position you want it.

A little FYI- sometimes apps can bounce around on the screen and make it tricky to group them. If you’re noticing the folder is moving from position to position or screen to screen and you can’t seem to get them together, try moving both the folder and the app you want to add to it, to a different spot on the screen and try again.

I highly recommend organizing your apps in a way that make sense and allow you to function at peak performance. There’s nothing worse than having to search or scroll for long periods of time to get to the apps you want- so organize your work stuff together, your social stuff together, etc.

Lastly for this step, when clicking on a folder, you’ll see a ‘name’ spot appear at the top. Just click into that, delete what is there and rename it how you’d like.

Personally I love to have my apps reflect affirmations or fun little statements, so I’ve chosen to include simple words and emoji’s in my set up. If room permits, you could always name yours things like ‘I am healthy’, ‘money loves me’, etc.

I did this before on my Iphone 11, but since switching to the 15 there doesn’t seem to be as much room for the folder names and was appearing too ‘squished’. So I opted for the shortened words this time!

STEP THREE → EDIT APPS

You might not know this- but every single app in your phone has the ability to display in a larger format! Similar to the press and hold function, when your phone is in this state, you’ll ‘click’ on an app and you’ll see a little menu of options appear.

The little boxes at the top of that menu give you the option to keep the app as small, or enlarge it to a bigger size (like how my calendar is displayed). Play around with this to find a format that you prefer!

The Colour Coding:

Okay… here’s where we get into the good stuff that you actually came for!

Here’s how I get my phone to change the colour of my apps so that it’s not the bright/bold (and sometimes ugly) colour that the app was originally.

STEP FOUR → COLOUR CODE

While you are still in that ‘edit’ stage of the phone, you’ll want to click the ‘edit’ button at the very top of the left side of the screen.

STEP FIVE → SELECT VARIATION

You’ll see a little menu pop up from the bottom that allows you to select default (where you’re currently at), dark, clear or tinted.

Each of these options provides you with the option to change ALL of your apps to match in a very aesthetically pleasing way. You’ll definitely want to play around with these to figure out which colour combination you like the most- and which one displays the best on your background so that you can still clearly see your apps.

This is why it is important to have your apps organized in a way that you know where everything is- because if you can’t ‘see’ the original colour of the app, your brain will need something to reference so that you can find what you’re looking for. Otherwise you’ll just end up super irritated and annoyed! lol.

You can see that based on my background I’ve used ‘tinted’ and ‘light’ as my settings for how I wanted my apps to look.

STEP SIX → CREATE DATE WIDGET

You might have noticed that my ‘date and time’ widget at the top of the screen is not the typical Apple calendar- and you’d be right. This is a specialty widget I downloaded and what I have been using for years.

You’ll want to head over to the app store and download ‘Color Widgets’, if you’d like to create a similar looking clock on your phone. It’s free!

STEP SEVEN → SELECT STYLE

Once the app has downloaded, you’ll open it up and you’ll see that there are a lot of templates that come with the free version of this app. I don’t use a paid one.

Scroll through and find a template that you like for font/shape, OR feel free to click to customize your own.

STEP EIGHT → CUSTOMIZE

Once you’ve selected the template you want, you can fully customize it for color of text, background, and even further change the text.

Personally, I went for a background of an image that matched the vibe/energy of what I was going for- and I kept the text super simple and clean.

You can find an image on Pinterest or other platforms like I did to make this.

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Final Details:

Last but not least are those finishing touches to make the phone look and feel exactly as you want it too. I think that how we do one thing is how we do everything- so why not have a fully customized device where everything just feels good to use?

STEP NINE → ADD A NEW WIDGET

We’ve already talked about this indirectly, but let’s talk about adding a secondary widget for apps to display whatever you’d like!

In that main ‘edit’ mode of the phone, you’ll want to click that same button at the top of the screen on the left hand side. Select ‘Add Widget’.

STEP TEN → SEARCH FOR APP

Here’s where the power really lies in your hand. You? You can create LITERALLY anything with this handy-dandy tool.

Ask yourself, what do you want more of in your life? More music? More news? More books? More podcasts? More reminders? More SUBSTACK? I mean, of course lol.

Whatever the answer is- you can create a bigger, larger widget for exactly that thing. Not only can this help with the aesthetic part of your display, but it can also help to put your goals, upcoming podcast episodes, or your favourite music tracks, right there in front of your eyes.

As an easy example, if you look at ‘screen two’ from my display above, you’ll see that I have a larger ‘podcasts’ and ‘notes’ widget. Both of these display things I want to see more often or have them be ‘in my face’. Also not pictured above is my reminder screen- which is the full screen to the left of the home screen- that I’ve set up with larger widgets of my daily reminders like so:

I won’t include instructions for this set up here, but if it’s something you want me to walk you through- let me know!

STEP ELEVEN → CUSTOMIZE (a final time)

After searching for the widget of your choice, you can then scroll through the options for display to select the size that you’d like- moving it around on your screen until you find the position that you’d like it to be in.

And just like that… you’re done like dinner! Congratulations- you now have a fully customized, and beautifully displayed Iphone screen.

I hope that this guide helped you to learn something new, and get one step closer to an aesthetically pleasing life 🤭

Should you have any questions on any of the above that I’ve shared, or want me to go deeper into anything else- I’ll happily share. Just drop below into the comments and let me know what you want/need.

Your aesthetically minded girl,

Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind love, sunday. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about romanticizing each day, how to become the main character of your life, what living out of a suitcase is teaching me, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

Last week I was scrolling through photos from 2018-2023, particularly selfies that I had taken, when I realized that there was something missing.

That girl? That version of me?

She was exuding youthfulness. A zest for life. There was something about her energy, the way it was captured on film, that just made you want to get to know her.

And that’s when it clicked.

That twinkle in her eye, glow in her skin, vibrance in her smile? I hadn’t seen it for a really long time- and believe me, I had been looking for it.

As it turns out, my sparkle was missing… and honestly, I think it’s been missing for years. I just didn’t realize it until now.

I’ve lost my way.

For the last few years I’ve been in recovery-mode after losing almost everything in my life. I thought I was managing well, moving forward, seeing change- and in a lot of ways, I suppose you could say that I have been.

Life’s been good to me. Despite going through a bankruptcy and losing everything financially years ago- I’ve been able to still enjoy life. Travel. Get surgery. Work for myself. All my basic needs are covered and then some.

Heck, I’ve even experienced some luxury along the way too, through unexpected blessings the universe has sent my way.

BUT, regardless of all that, I’ve been struggling.

Holding onto anger, grief, frustration, fear. Refusing to forgive myself or allow myself to move on from certain things that happened. Replaying scenarios in my mind and quietly dimming my light before anyone else has a chance to.

And even if I’ve come leaps and bounds from where I was years ago in terms of self-prioritization, boundaries, choosing me, and using my voice- the truth is that I’m still holding myself back, refusing to lean into my full power.

And THAT has had tremendous consequences on my life.

The life impact of settling.

There are times in life when we try to convince ourselves that it’s okay to settle. That we can (or should) take what we can get, without allowing ourselves to shoot any higher.

And the truth is that every time we settle, we’re actively deciding in that moment that we’re not worthy of anything else.

Which, pardon my french, is complete bullsh*t.

I’ve lost my sparkle over the last few years because I’ve settled. Because I have allowed what happened to me, what I did, what I went through, to be the ceiling.

Because I have decided that for the rest of my life, I am worthy of nothing more than this experience- and as a result, my ego has continued to prove that to me.

I’ve shrunk myself. Quieted myself. Stopped doing or engaging in things I care deeply about- like working out or taking care of myself!

I’ve gained weight. My hormones are out of whack. I’m wearing the same stretched, old, torn clothes that I’ve had for years. I’ve stopped caring about how I look or how I fuel my body. I stopped engaging in activities or habits that I love- the things that feel good to me.

I’ve even been procrastinating the things that hold the most importance to me; the things I want to do, grow, create, share with this world- I’ve put them all on a backburner, claiming that ‘one day’ I’ll return to them.

But you and I both know that one day will never come unless we decide that day is today. So today? I’m finally deciding it’s the day.

Fed up enough to change.

We all have a rock bottom, or a metaphorical place we reach when finally decide that we’ve had enough. Where we decide that enough is enough- we’re tired of our own excuses and it’s time to do something about it.

I’m there, right now. Fed up enough to do something about it.

I’m tired of my body feeling heavy and ill. I’m tired of my clothes not fitting, my skin breaking out, my guts being all over the place.

I’m tired of not sleeping, of tossing-and-turning because I can’t shut my mind off, of waking up with a sense of dread and apprehension for the day ahead.

I’m tired of the number on the scale going up, of having headaches, and body aches and pains, because I’m carrying too much weight on my frame.

But most importantly? I’m tired of believing that this is the best it’s going to be and that this is all there is out there for me.

I know better. I deserve better. And I’m going to do better- no matter what it takes.

30 ways I’m getting my sparkle back.

I’ve officially declared September the month of me. The month where I prioritize myself for real and not just say I will. The month where I take action, show up, and get good at having consistency in my habits again.

Originally this started as a couple of ‘30 day challenges’ I decided to do for the month, which of course I’m sharing below too. But over the last few days this has morphed into me deciding that I want to make every day special this month- because, why not?!

I’m turning 34 at the end of October and I want to enter the next birthday year feeling healthy and fabulous, so I’m committed to taking the action steps required this month to get there.

Thus, if you’re like me, feeling a little lost, dull and dimmed- consider reigniting your fire and working to get your sparkle back this month as well. I’d love to have you join me on this adventure as we work to make September our best month yet.

So, here we go:

1. Sober September- Drinking alcohol is not really a huge part of my life, and socially, I drink probably only a couple times per month. But lately I’ve noticed myself feeling really terrible with even one drink including migraines and feeling more anxious/depressed afterwards. I’m cutting out alcohol fully for the month to see how I feel, and I even have a couple of friends and family doing this with me as well.

2. Yoga Challenge- I used to love yoga. In University I’d go to classes all the time and practice at home daily. But over the years I’ve lost this habit. I still stretch, but not with the same intention, practice or length. So, this month, I’m committing to a 30 day yoga challenge by one of my favourite online yoga teachers, Yoga by Adriene. You can check the challenge I’m doing HERE if you want to join me. It’s an old one, but so so good!

3. Pulling Cards Daily- I’ve fallen in love with more spiritual practices over the years, and oracle cards happen to be one of my favourite things. Sometimes I’ll go weeks or months without pulling a card, but every time I do, I wonder why it’s not something that I do more often. My favourite deck is this Feminine Wisdom one, and I am going to try and pull at least one card daily!

4. Lighting A Candle- I used to make everything in my life a ritual, and work was no exception. Since balancing two creative ‘businesses’ at once (a podcast and writing here on Substack), I’ve noticed that my work day is chaotic. I’m going to bring back the ritual energy to my work by lighting a candle at the start of my day, and blowing it out once my day is completed.

5. Finding Stillness- There is something truly magical that happens when we slow down and find quiet amongst the noise in our lives… and that’s something that I want more of! I’m going to make an effort to pause more often, whether that’s first thing in the morning or throughout my day, and just see what comes up.

6. Journal It Out- Okay, so technically this might be cheating but I’m gonna put it here anyways. This habit is actually one I picked back up at the beginning of August, and I have to say, it’s made a WORLD of a difference for the last month- so I’m going to keep it up for September. I love me a good journal, and this daily self-care one has space for both morning and evening reflection, amongst a lot of other tracking pages. Highly recommend!

7. 10,000 Daily Steps- I realized that a big part of my weight going up and my body hurting could be because I am generally confined to my desk for 8+ hours a day doing what I love. And while I get up often to stretch my legs, grab a drink of water or go to the bathroom, I know that I am most certainly NOT getting a lot of steps in. I’ve committed myself to hitting 10,000 steps per day- and I’ve even bought a smart ring tracker to wear to make sure that I am hitting my goal.

8. Sex and The City- Growing up, and even throughout my early adulthood, I never watched a lot of tv. So call me crazy when I only recently realized that SATC is actual tv series and not just a movie (#embarrasing). Thus, I’ve decided that I’m going to watch the whole thing and allow myself to bask in the energy of Carrie Bradshaw- hopefully gaining some inspiration for my writing along the way. Best part? I’m putting this on the tv WHILE I hop on my treadmill and get my steps in each day. Can you say win-win?!

9. Dancing- Let’s be honest… somatics (moving my body with intention) used to be a really big part of my life. And lately? It’s been sporadic to say the least. The other day I put on one of my favourite songs and just danced like crazy- and it shifted my WHOLE entire day. I plan to put on music and do this regularly this month, and I may or may not be using this song that I’m obsessed with.

10. Sunshine Mornings- There’s just something about starting the day with the sunrise and the sun shining down on your face. I already do this most days, but I want to act like a plant this September and be constantly seeking out the sun (lol).

11. Get Off My Phone- I’ve been working on this habit (or rather, breaking this habit) for a long time, but it’s still a priority for me. I use an app called Brick to lock me out of my social media for 21 hours a day, which works wonders. My goal is to only use my phone between 830-930 am and 4-5 pm for work related posts/responses- and then for it to be treated kind of like a landline, calls or texts only.

12. Confidence- Lately I’ve been paying attention to the energy I hold when I walk into a room/space. My goal for September is to treat every room I enter as my personal power source. I’ll be standing tall, head held high, shoulders back- confidently walking into it and taking up space.

13. Telling People What I Do- This sounds so simple but it’s actually a huge thing for me. I’ve noticed in the last year I’m not telling people what it is that I do. I don’t know if this is just because of the sparkle or because ‘nursing’ was on a pedestal for so long- but my goal for this month is to tell one new person every single day what it is that I do, and have fun sharing my work!

14. Date My Husband- In December we will be celebrating 10 years, and I’m proud to say that I am married to my best friend. But despite falling more in love with each other every year that passes… we’ve also allowed the stress we’re feeling in our lives to impact how we show up. I miss the spontaneity we used to have, and this month I’m going to work to bring that back. Date nights, connecting in the evenings, kissing for no reason- anything that deepens our love.

15. Buy Myself New Clothes- As noted above, I’ve been wearing the same clothes for years, hardly purchasing myself anything new. So this month, I’m going to replace the majority of my wardrobe. Everything that is stretched, torn, stained, too big or too small, or just plain old, is getting tossed or donated if appropriate.

16. Reading PD Books- I went through a phase over the last few years where I didn’t want to read a single personal development book. Probably because I settled and gave up on myself and my growth. But now I’m craving learning again- and getting curious again! I’ll be grabbing a few kindle/audio options, and I’d love to know any suggestions you might have!

17. Trying A New Hobby- There are a few things that I’ve been saying for years that I want to ‘try’. And while right now might not be the appropriate time to pick most of those up (due to time constraints), one thing I do want to do this month is a pottery class with my hubby! This will double as a date night, but is something I’m super excited about. Getting creative with your hands is the best!

18. Cutting Out Sugar- I know that sugar and I have a love/hate relationship, and lately there’s just been a ‘little’ too much celebrating happening. I’ll be focusing on cleaning up my diet and saving those splurges for the occasional date, rather than making it a daily occurrence.

19. Balancing My Hormones- On that note, this is a particular priority for me. I’ve known for months that my hormones were out of whack, but I didn’t do anything to try and help them. So this month, that changes! I’ve started incorporating a wild yam cream into my beauty routine (for face and belly), and I’ve just started to take the Happy Mammoth Hormone Harmony- which I hope I’ll see some success with using!

20. Reading My Affirmations- Posted on the window right in front of my desk are 12 sticky notes with positive statements that I want to reinforce in my mind and use as reminders for my energy every day. Since I put them up last month, I’ve been finding myself noticing them frequently, and it’s been influencing me in such a good way. Therefore, I plan to pay attention to these a little more on purpose this month.

21. Connect With Friends- The last few months of summer were busy, and a couple of the plans that were made with my girlfriends fell through. So now that we’re moving into fall, I plan to connect with them more often and hopefully make plans to get together soon.

22. Take Myself On Dates- I love a solo day with no plans where I can grab a latte, cruise sections of our local thrift store, or take myself shopping for new clothes. This month I will planning a day to do just that- as well as a separate day for me to go to a sound bowl & cacao ceremony by myself.

23. Make Mocktails- As I shared above, I am planning to take part in Sober September, and a while ago I found some cool non-alcoholic wines and other beverages that I’d love to try. I plan to grab a couple different options and play around with making some fancy mocktails this month- perfect for those bubble bath days!

24. Get Myself Done Up- In an effort to take care of myself and romanticize life a little more, I’m gonna spend September putting special care and attention into my appearance. Even on the days that I’m in a pair of pjs, I plan to do my hair and throw on some mascara- but most days? I’ll be getting full glam. Makeup, hair, and getting dressed up, just as if I was headed into an office for the day- because working from home can be special too!

25. Networking- I’m in a space of my life and business where I am craving more connections with women who do what I do, and who ‘get’ this world. I want more writer friends, and I plan to spend this month reaching out to others to connect, collaborate, and build each other up. There is more than enough room out there for all of us!

26. Be Delulu As Hell- This is the month where I rewrite old beliefs, believe in my worth, and break through the dam glass ceiling I created. As a result, I plan to spend this month being so delulu about my life and where I’m headed, that it makes people sick. I’ve got a huge event for my podcast this month that I believe will sell out, and I’m going to get fully behind this belief and others, so that this month is even more wild than my imagination.

27. Actually Write Things- You may have noticed that things are in the process of changing around here (moving from the 30 something bible to love, sunday). I’ve been craving this change for a while, and I’ve been procrastinating my writing because of it. Which means, now that the announcement is out and the change is in motion- I’m out of excuses (lol). I’ll be figuratively kicking my own booty in gear to show up every single day and prioritize my writing. I’ve carved out time on my calendar, and there will be plenty of dates with me and my keyboard over the next 30 days.

28. Forgive Myself- I shared above how a big reason I’ve lost my sparkle is by not forgiving myself or moving on from the hardships in the last few years, and truthfully, it would be impossible to change unless I made this a priority too. I’ll be using some ho’ponopono practices, earth pulsing meditations and scripted writing to myself (and my inner child) to help release this weight I am carrying (both energetically and literally).

29. Visit My Grandparents- Typically I go out to visit them every two weeks, spending a day to help them with whatever tasks they need and catching up over tea. However, this summer I’ve noticed the time between those visits increasing, and my presence when I’m there be fleeting. I want to make the time I spend with them be more memorable and often- and this month I’ll be making an effort to get out there 3-4x times instead.

30. Believe In My Capacity- This one ended up last, but it most certainly isn’t least. It actually might be the most important thing, because I believe that this alone has been a huge factor in my ‘laziness’ over the last few months. After the crash of my last business, I convinced myself that I didn’t have the capacity to do more than one thing at a time. As a result, I’ve believed that wherever I focus my energy, something else must suffer- and this is a prime example of how every area of my life feels like it’s failing right now. Moving forward for this month I am going to remind myself that I am capable of having everything I want at the same time, that I do not have to choose, and that I do have time. Because everything is working out for me, AND I get everything I want.

So there you have it my friends- the exact 30 ways I am getting my sparkle back this month, and everything that I am focusing on to bring more ‘me’ into my life.

While this might seem like a lot, remember that a lot of these are things that happen once or a handful of times, and do not require daily action. There are also a lot of things on this list that are already habits or are things that I am doing anyways, just now I am focusing on them more consciously or with a different intention in mind.

My goal is to leave this month feeling the healthiest and happiest I have been in a while- and I know that the only thing standing in the way of my goals is me.

This list will be my reference point as I move through the next 30 days of this month- and I hope that it encourages you to take action and get your own sparkle back.

I’d love to know what inspired you from the list above, and if there is anything that you are personally focusing on for the month of September. Connect with me below in the comments and let me know- I’d love to support each other as we glow together!

Wishing you a fabulous month ahead 🫶🏽

Happy sparkle season,

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind love, sunday. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about romanticizing each day, how to become the main character of your life, what living out of a suitcase is teaching me, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

photo from Pinterest

Even now as I sit down to type this out- I find myself uncomfortably shifting in my chair, picking up my phone to scroll social media, or even searching for things to buy online that I most certainly don’t need.

I don’t want to write this. I want to live in denial. To pretend it’s still the same.

Holding onto the last few pieces of what I used ‘to be’. What I used ‘to do’. What I said that this space was going ‘to be for’.

When I started this Substack publication, I thought that I had it all figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted to write about, what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it.

But as it turns out, everything I thought I knew wasn’t actually true.

One year ago I said that I didn’t want to be a coach anymore. I didn’t want to lead others through their healing. I didn’t want to be responsible for their growth. I didn’t want to have to teach them, hold their hands or lead them.

And yet… here I am. Showing up and forcing myself to write about things just because I said I would or because I thought I had too. I literally took the chapter that I said was closing, and started it again on a new page.

Without realizing it, I made my writing a form of coaching. I put pressure on myself to say the right things, write about stuff I felt I had too, or forced myself to over-analyze every word for the sake of how others might perceive it.

But I don’t want to do this anymore… and I’m recognizing the pattern now.

The truth is that I genuinely want to write for me. About the things I’m most excited about. What I’m learning. Exploring. Discovering. Enjoying.

I want writing to be fun again- rather than the ‘work’ I’ve made it out to be in the last few months. This started out fun. Then I got my head wrapped to far around what it needed to be. What I needed it to look like. How it was comparing to others.

It stopped being easy. It got hard. I felt anxiety every time I sat down at the keyboard. My mind would go blank. I’d try to numb. And eventually… I just started procrastinating and avoiding doing any writing at all because I wanted to avoid saying what I’m about to say.

So here it goes, the full, hard stop truth?

Things around here are changing. What I thought I wanted The 30 Something Bible to be is not what it is going to end up as.

I don’t want to focus on writing about healing and trauma. I already use my voice for this deeply in my verbal creative work with my podcast Go Regulate Yourself.

And while I think there will still be pieces that filter into my writing about this- the truth is that I don’t want it to be the CORE of my work.

Rather, I want to write about all the delicious things in life.

I want to write about joy. Actually living AND loving life. The things that I get to experience. What I’m grateful for. The wonders of the world. Romanticizing my life. Stepping into the main character energy I’ve been after for a while. Having fun.

I want to write without a filter. Without a niche. Without putting myself into a box and overthinking every little dam thing that my fingers type onto this keyboard.

I want to write because I simply want to write. Not because I think I have too.

And honestly I think that’s what we all need a little bit more of in this space and in the state of the world right now.

Intention matters, and my intention lately hasn’t been great.

It’s been one of avoidance- which is something that I’m making a choice to dismantle and rewrite now, before I continue moving forward.

So here I am, giving myself permission to change.

The 30 Something Bible is about to have a rewrite. The energy, the focus, the purpose, and the intention will be shifting. Expect things to look different in the weeks and months that follow as I step fully into alignment with what it is that I truly want to create here.

I hope you’ll stick around for the ride- but if not, that’s okay too.

Thank you for being here as I move through this messy journey of life.

And if you’re here in the same spot as me, let this be a reminder that you also have permission to change your mind, to shift or pivot, and to do whatever is required to come more fully into alignment with who it is that you want to be.

So I guess I’ll catch you in the next essay 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

This here, is EPISODE ELEVEN + the first official release inside our paid community. Moving forward, this section will now be an entirely private audio feed for our paid members- and will include even deeper dives designed to help you create a life you love.

For just $8 you can subscribe and join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you.

It’s time to become self-FULL 💁🏼‍♀️

Read more

Monthly Reset Ritual [August]

It’s early morning, one third of the way through August already, and I’m just creating the time to sit down and write out this guide now.

The truth is that I’ve felt hesitation and maybe even a sense of procrastination in creating this reset ritual for you, only because I, myself, have been avoiding this exact thing.

As I’ve shared in a few of my latest posts- the last few weeks/few months have felt challenging, and it’s as if the weight of the world was stacking up on my shoulders.

Showing up was difficult because taking care of myself was difficult- and over the last week and a half, I’ve been working hard to change that.

I recognized recently that a lot of the daily ‘habits’ I used to do regularly had slipped away- and I was craving coming back to them. Things like stepping away from my phone, doing a formal daily meditation practice, engaging in gratitude journaling, and even having affirmations posted in my environment.

Thus, I got to work on reimplementing all of these things- and I have to say, it is changing my life in such a good way. I’m starting to feel my stress disappearing, my energy rising, my sleep improving, and even my motivation and productivity increasing!

It’s been incredible to witness such immense changes in such little time- and for me, this is a reminder of just how much power each of us holds in our lives to change things when we are unhappy or unsatisfied.

Now I know that we’re moving through the Summer at rapid speeds (at least here in Canada we are), and that fall is right around the corner. Depending on where you might find yourself right now in relation to your goals this year… that could feel exciting or terrifying.

Either way, what I really want to encourage you to do this month is to disconnect from what’s coming (ie. the future) and really focus on where you are right now, in the present moment.

Let’s work on bringing consistency to our little daily actions, to appreciating just how rich our lives already are, and setting ourselves up for success ‘today’ so that everything we want for tomorrow can actually come true.

This is the energy of what I want us to bring into the remainder of the month ahead.

Therefore, in today’s Monthly Reset Ritual, I hope to inspire you to slow down, to cultivate an ‘attitude of gratitude’ for everything already present in your life, and to help you reconnect to the happiness, peace, joy and love, that is already within you.

We might have a little less than 5 months left in this year- but that is so much time to make a difference in how we are showing up. Because you hold the power in your life, and everything you want is just one ‘energetic shift’ away. So let’s dive in, shall we?

Reflect; upon the past month.

Today’s guide, like every month, begins with a simple practice to reflect upon the last month and what brought you ‘here’ to this very moment. You didn’t just stumble into today out of nowhere- a pattern of thoughts, actions and beliefs led you to where you are right now, and we need to decide if we actually like the result or not.

As I shared above, for me, the past month has been filled with realizations about what was working well… as well as all the ways in which I was sabotaging myself, my growth and my success.

And what I realized was that I was actually creating more problems for myself than I was solving- which is pretty much the opposite of what I wanted to be doing.

Allowing myself to sit down in a quiet space and hash through the things that weren’t working actually opened my eyes to some limiting beliefs and fears that were ‘running the show’ behind the scenes- and it gave me the opportunity to quickly release them so that I could change how I was showing up.

Since this practice, I’ve been sleeping better, my energy has went way up, I’ve been more motivated and productive- and I’ve even ‘solved’ a lot of the problems that had been drowning me for weeks.

The truth is that a lot of the time we try to avoid the reflection piece because it feels too scary or overwhelming- as if admitting there were challenges, would somehow make the problem worse.

But what I’ve learned time and time again, is that a lot of our success actually lies within our ability to acknowledge and face the hard stuff. And the quicker that we can do this- the quicker we can dismantle the problem and get working on the solution.

So today, I’d love for you to carve out some time to reflect upon the last month to see what went well, and what could have went better. This is going to set the foundation for our energy reset this month- so make sure not to skip it!

Find a quite space, take out a pen and paper, and allow your mind to wander as you think about the month of July. And if you’re feeling stuck… try the questions below!

Here are some questions to get you started:

→ If you had to describe last month, what would you say about it?

→ What were some things that went well, and some things that didn’t? Why?

→ What are you feeling grateful for that happened last month?

→ If you could do it all over again, what would you better prioritize or do differently?

→ In what ways will you shift how you are showing up this month?

Feel free to journal on anything and everything that comes up, and consider what steps you can take from this knowledge to set yourself up for better success in August.

Maybe you recognized that you said yes to too many things you didn’t want to do, or maybe taking care of yourself fell to the backburner because of stress. Whatever it might be, use this activity to fuel the steps you take moving forward this month.

Reset; your energy and space.

It goes without saying (but we’re gonna say it anyways), that the state of your external environment is a direct reflection of your internal environment. Which means that if you’re living in chaos, or if things in your life are unorganized or in disarray- then you’ll likely feel, think and act in this way too.

Personally for me, I love to keep a clean home. And when I’m stressed, I clean. It’s worked well for me my entire life… but there are still times when things slip through the cracks and I find myself overwhelmed from the state of things.

This last month I can recognize that the three biggest contributors to my life feeling unorganized and chaotic were too much screen time (especially first thing in the morning), extremely slowwwww internet (like, worse than dial-up), and the spare room becoming a catch-all space (which shutting the door did NOT work for btw).

The combination of these space and energy drainers resulted in me feeling very low-vibe, frustrated and overwhelmed. I’d start my morning off disconnected from myself and glued to my phone- only to move into work dragging on because a task that should have taken 10 minutes took an hour. And don’t even get me started on the glimpses I caught into that room of disarray!

Moving into this month, I knew something needed to shift and I’ve spent the last couple of days ‘resetting’ my energy and home. That room? Organized. My internet? Fixed. My addiction to my phone? Solved.

Best part? Not only has this resolved the problems forementioned above- but I’ve also had a greater baseline of peace and joy each day, allowing me to have even more energy to get stuff done. My productivity is through the roof, and I have this exact activity to thank for that.

So now, it’s your turn! What are the biggest ‘clogs’ in the pipe right now? What is causing feelings of stress or disorganization within you and your life? What needs an overhaul at this moment to help you feel calmer, clearer and more connected?

Remember that it doesn’t have to be something big and massive (though it totally can be). Small things can often disrupt us just as much- and make the world of a difference when we focus our time and attention upon them.

So tell us, what will you be choosing to focus on for your energy and space reset?

If you need some ideas to get started, try this:

→ Try experimenting with an energetic space ‘audit’. Think of yourself like Marie Kondo and begin by walking into each room and asking “does this still serve who I am now?” Pay attention to how each room makes you feel- warm and inviting, cold and off-putting, or perhaps neither. Consider what changes you could make to your space to make it more ‘you’.

→ Perform a digital declutter. Open up your phone, tablet or computer and unsubscribe, unfollow, or delete apps that don’t earn their spot. You can even take this a step further by going into files/folders, your email account, or even just who you follow on social media! Get rid of everything that isn’t ‘giving you something’.

→ Consider implementing an overstimulation wind-down. Think of this like an evening ritual to counter summer’s nonstop social energy! Dim the lights, turn off the tv, play some soft music, stretch, journal, run a bubble bath- whatever feels the most inviting to you to help shift the buzzing energy inside and settle.

Make this month feel like yours.

This section of our guide is all about romanticizing life and finding new ways to make every day feel extra special this month. You don’t need to have a large budget or lots of free time to be intentional and love up on yourself.

In fact, sometimes the biggest changes can actually come from the smallest, most consistent steps. After all, the energy of romanticizing your life is really about making life more enjoyable. About slowing down, living softer, being present in all moments.

And usually? It’s not actually about doing something different- but doing the things you’re already doing differently. With purpose. Intention. And love.

Here in Alberta, it’s crazy to think that we’re wrapping up the summer and about to move into fall next month already- because it certainly doesn’t feel like we’ve had much of a summer yet!

The last couple of months have been rainy and windy, with lots of wicked storms… so it’s only made me appreciate the sunny days that much more.

Without really realizing it, I’ve been focusing on infusing the essence of summer into everything I do, which has helped me make this month feel like mine and preserve the energy of the season.

I’ve found that this has helped me feel more grounded and happy, get excited about the things that we are doing even if the weather prediction doesn’t look great, and to even prioritize seeing people/doing things that I might otherwise put off.

What this looks like in action is actually tapping into all of our senses and thinking about the ways that we want ‘summer’ (or specifically this month) to taste, smell, feel, sound, or look like.

It might sound a little woo-woo but trust me here. It really does work! Because honestly, if there’s a ‘vibe’ that you’re going for in your life and how you want it be- you’ve probably already considered these things without realizing it.

The life that feels peaceful, calming, exciting, happy and full? There’s a way that it also sounds, tastes, smells and looks- and all it takes is you tuning into that, to help recreate that right now in your life.

So for today, I want you to consider what energy you want to bring into the month of August. How do you want this month to feel? In what ways can you infuse the essence of that into what you’re doing? And how can you make this month truly feel like you?

Personally for me, I’m taking advantage of all the outdoor markets, wearing dresses every single day whether I have a reason to or not, going berry picking, hanging out on patios more often with friends, and sitting around as many campfires as I possibly can.

What will you focus on to romanticize the month ahead and make this month yours?

If you need some ideas to get started, try this:

→ Treat yourself to an ice cream cone at that shop you’ve been thinking about trying, and choose a flavour that you love.

→ Find a local u-pick farm, take a bucket (and a friend), and go pick some fresh berries for you to use in your own baking at home.

→ Take an empty journal and a pen to the beach or a quiet area in nature, and spend some time reconnecting to yourself and your goals.

→ Go and visit an area in your city or town that you haven’t been to before, and let yourself be a ‘tourist’ enjoying every moment.

If you want more musings like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format, and monthly reset rituals (just like this one) to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

Let us know below in the comments how you plan to make the month of August feel a little more like you, and what you’re calling in for the next 30 or so days 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

This here, is EPISODE TEN + the last official release inside our free community. Moving forward, our Love Notes section will now be transitioning to a private podcast feed for our paid members- and will include even deeper dives designed to help you create a life you love.

For just $8 you can subscribe and join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you.

It’s time to become self-FULL 💁🏼‍♀️

Attitude of Gratitude.

One of my favourite things I did back in my coaching days, was to help individuals become more joyful in their lives. There is nothing I love more than helping you recognize all the good in your life right now- and capitalize on that for even more.

Over the last few months (er… year) I’ve personally lost this as a regular practice- and it’s had a bigger effect on my life than I realized! Recently I wrote about the comparison trap I had fell into and how it was impacting my energy (see HERE for the article)- and I knew that I had to pull out of it somehow.

The thing I felt myself being called back to was a formal gratitude practice- and before I even realized it, I was ordering a new daily journal and pinning affirmations up on sticky notes beside my desk.

The truth is that gratitude used to play a really significant role in my life, and when I think back to the times when I was feeling the most grounded and successful… well, there’s no denying the correlation those two things had on one another.

Simply put: when you focus on the good in your life and genuinely feel happy/excited for those things… you shift into a higher emotional and vibrational state. And as we say all the time: what energetic state you are currently in, is what you get MORE of in your life.

Having an attitude of gratitude literally pays. It’s the fastest way to get everything you want- and all it takes is you slowing down long enough to appreciate just how rich and blessed your life already is.

So therefore today, we’re going to step into creating a gratitude practice for the week that will help us get closer to the life we want to live- because that’s literally the whole point.

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission- and when you’re done with that, pop down below to the action section to see how you can integrate this into your life this week.

Action Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. In what ways can you slow down to appreciate more of the ‘good stuff’ that is already present in your life? How could we create an upward spiral- rather than a downward spiral?

The truth is that there are so many ways to make gratitude a regular part of your day- and no practice is better than another. The goal with this action step is to simply start appreciating more of what your life already offers, including the things that you might miss, overlook or not pay attention too normally.

Personally, I love having a formal journal that I can write in each day to set an intention, list out the things I am grateful for, and organize my day. I just recently picked up this one- and it is literally changing my life. Highly recommend!

However, you don’t need a new journal to add gratitude into your practice. You can begin with any journal or paper by writing out a list of things that you are grateful for- big and small.

I definitely suggest making this something you do daily, aiming for 5-10 items per day. This can include things like clean drinking water, getting enough sleep, a hug from a loved one, having a quite working space, the ability to walk without assistance- literally anything you can call to mind.

Our goal is to list out different items each day, and get good at finding things in our lives and environments to appreciate. Trust me, the longer you keep going with this, the easier it gets!

However if doing prompted questions or gratitude lists just aren’t your jam, you can also do what I like to call is a gratitude rampage, where you just list out loud, all the things that you are grateful for.

This can be fun and there’s no limit- just keep going until you’ve pointed out everything you can see/think of! Plus, you can also repeat this daily (which I highly recommend doing as well).

Finally, another option to implement for gratitude is to actually write a letter, send a text or call someone you love and extend the appreciation to that person. Let them know why you love them, what they do for you, and why it means so much!

This can be a really moving activity for both you and them, and trust me when I say that it can create something really special. We often don’t tell others enough, so this is a great activity for relationships.

Now it’s your turn! Which of these activities is speaking to you the loudest? Pick one (or multiple) and get started. Remember there is no ‘right or wrong’ way- just the way that feels the best to you.

So once you’ve moved through the audio and have decided what you’d like to implement, drop into the comments below with us and let us know what your planning to do! I’d love to know how you’re cultivating an attitude of gratitude this week.

Let’s continue to support each other on our way to building a self-full life.

🫶🏼

If you want more love notes like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format (just like this one), and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let us know below in the comments so we can support each other on this journey to a self-full cup 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

You know the feeling when you open your social media apps, and suddenly your feed is filled with pretty pictures, perfectly worded captions, and smiles so big you feel like you could literally choke on ‘em?

Well, I’ve been obsessing over it lately, and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been getting to me and completely messing up my energy.

So today we’re gonna talk about it- because I think there’s more people here in this space than any of us are willing to admit.

Let’s back it up just a little bit so that you get the full picture, okay?

When I came home in May from three months of living abroad, deep down I knew that I was headed for another life-altering step into the unknown.

Some might call it a quantum-leap, and in a lot of ways I suppose it is. But what a lot of people don’t realize is that in order to quantum-leap, you must quantum-fall… often smack dab on your face.

I am really sorry to have to tell you this and I wish it wasn’t true (trust me, I know it sucks). But it is in fact the truth- even if we want to pretend it’s not.

Contrast is just a part of life. For every inhale there must be an exhale. For every rise there must be a fall. For every expansion there must be a contraction.

And in growth, there are no exceptions.

You simply cannot build a new house on an old foundation- and you cannot take another breath when you have not yet released the first one.

So if you’re gonna go around all willy-nilly asking for ‘more’ in your life like I did- then you must be prepared for the contraction.

Whatever does not fit into your new reality must first fall away before the things that you actually do want can show up. And that part? Well, it can fucking hurt.

Thus in May, I came home feeling inspired. I knew what I wanted. What I wanted it to look like. Feel like. Be like. I knew how I wanted to show up and the exact ways in which I was going to do just that.

In fact, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could finally see ‘it’ you know… the big picture. The version of my life where everything works out and finally I get everything that I want. The reality I’ve been dreaming of for 33 years.

So I got home and I got to work. I wrote out my goals, dreams and aspirations. I made lists upon lists. I started writing, doing, showing up consistently- and it felt good.

Better than that, I started to see some progress. Subscribes going up, followers increasing on social media, likes and comments rising- even an odd message or two about the posts I made deeply resonating with someone.

I thought ‘fuck yes- this is it’ (insert giddy girl scream here) and I buckled down even harder- becoming more consistent, giving more, doing more- thinking that I was just one post away from all of my dreams coming true.

Then suddenly, almost poetically, everything shifted. But not in the way you’d expect.

Overnight, progress stalled. Subscribers dropped off, likes and comments dried up- it was as if I had somehow been blacklisted and all of the content that I was working so hard on was being hidden from my entire list.

Hurt, frustrated and confused- I did what any self-respecting woman does in this stage… I started looking at everyone else.

ENTER: The Comparison Loop.

Let me be clear that one of the things that I love most about Substack is that every time I open my feed it is filled with badass women who are just out there, doing their thing, posting their thoughts, raising each other up and demanding more for their lives.

It’s inspiring- but it’s also the most triggering fucking thing I’ve ever witnessed.

Because depending on what feeling or vibration we’re currently ‘feeding’… we can either use this to propel us forward, or it can be the anchor that literally sinks us.

And in a comparison loop? It’s definitely the anchor that sinks us.

Thus, for the last few weeks, I’ve been stuck, sinking. Every time I opened my feed I was seeing notes I’d wished I’d thought of, pictures I’d wished I’d taken, lives I’d wished I was living.

It was making me feel less-than. Like I was out of style, old news. That I had somehow ‘missed my mark’ and wasted the opportunity that had been right in front of me for months- and that I had no other option but to pack it up and quit.

As such, I allowed this to consume me. To completely take over my life and impact every single decision that I was making. To effect how I’ve been showing up.

I’ve second-guessed every note I’ve typed, struggled to come up with content ideas, and even at one point convinced myself that I needed a new phone (because obviously that would solve the problem, duh 🙄).

Needless to say… I’ve been frustrated about the ‘success’ I have been seeing and annoyed as heck at the woman who has her shit together.

The truth is that I thought that ‘she’ was the problem. But as it turns out… it’s actually what I have allowed myself to believe about my life because of her.

Aka: the wound, feeling or vibration that I have been feeding.

Hi. I’m The Problem. It’s Me.

One of the most uncomfortable parts of healing and growth is recognizing that you’re the common denominator in all of your problems, and that you always have been.

Yes. You are, quite frankly, the problem.

BUT… that also means that you are also the solution.

You hold the power to change your life. To change how you are feeling, to change how you show up, to change what is a priority, to change what you believe.

You can change it all- just as I too, am recognizing that I can also do this.

However, in order to change your life, you must first be willing to recognize and admit that there is a problem, that you are unnecessarily causing yourself pain, and that at any point you can set it down and choose something different.

So, the full, hard-stop truth of it all for me?

Yes. That’s really all it is. A lie that I’ve literally made up.

At the end of the day it’s really not about the pretty pictures, the perfect captions, the big smiles, or even where she is or what she’s doing.

It’s about what those pictures and posts have represented to my subconscious.

Without realizing it, I’ve been pouring gasoline on a fire that says:

“you are not capable enough. not smart enough. not organized enough. not pretty enough. not talented enough. not worthy enough.”

→ I’ve literally found 101 reasons inside of those posts and pictures about why I can’t-but she can. About what is possible for me based on what she does.

I’ve allowed myself to enter (and stay stuck) inside a deep state of victim-mode feeling sorry for myself and blaming others, wanting to use her action as an excuse for my inaction, her success as an excuse for my failure… as if there isn’t enough to go around.

But in reality- the problem was never her. It was always me and my willingness to abandon myself the moment that things got hard.

Your Highest Self.

We’ve heard a lot about stepping into and embodying our ‘highest self’… but why does no one talk about what happens when we slip into our lowest self instead?

The truth is that both sides of the coin exist- just like light and dark.

Contrast is present and always will be present. There are no exceptions in healing. To be ready to embrace the light, we must first accept the darkness.

And more often than not… that darkness is within. So, here is mine:

I don’t hate the woman who’s got it all. The truth is that I hate that there’s a part of me who believes that I don’t- and I’m still figuring out how to love and accept that.

And while I recognize that I don’t have to have everything figured out today and it will likely take me a little bit to fully release this limiting belief- today I’m choosing to consciously step out of the comparison loop I’ve fallen into so that I can start feeding those higher vibration emotions instead.

Today I’m choosing to be happy, to have gratitude, to post, to be excited, and to share- because I believe that someone else might be here too and need to hear these words.

But most importantly… today I’m choosing to celebrate ‘her’- the woman who’s got it all going on- because there is more than enough to go around and her success is literally proof that I can have it too 🫶🏼

Women I’m Celebrating:

I wanted to end this article today with some of the specific women who I’ve been watching completely crush it online lately- and who have been triggering the fuck out of me (in the absolute best way ♥).

These women have been showing up authentically, posting consistency, and likely without even knowing it- have been inspiring and motivating me to heal a deep wound, and to do better and be better moving forward.

Give them a follow, show them some love, and let them trigger you too 😉:

• Rosie Rae; Modge Podge ()

• Sofia Falck; Notes On Living ()

• Rachel; Off Duty ( )

• Grecia Figueroa; This Is My Take ()

• Sam Burgess; In Good Company ()

• Deanna Frig; Letters By Deanna ()

• Nat Sang; The Midlife Reset ()

Pssst. this list is not fully inclusive, so if I didn’t tag you please know that if I’m following you, you’ve likely played a part in this discovery and growth too! xx

Thanks for being here friend. I hope this sparked something inside of you today.

If you want more downloads like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format, and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, audios, workbooks and more.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let me know below in the comments so we can support each other through these hard moments 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

This here, is EPISODE NINE.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Celebration as a baseline.

One of the things that I taught often back in my ‘coaching’ days, was just how important the concept of celebration is. Why?

Well, because how you recognize and appreciate the efforts you’re already making, determines how much future success you will have- and the energy of what those future successes look like.

Lately I’ve been really focusing on celebrating a lot in my life, and as a result, it has also forced me to pay attention to who else in my life is currently celebrating me too.

One of the things I’ve noticed is that I have ‘friends’ who are actually less supportive than strangers, who haven’t read or listened to any of my content, and who I suppose, don’t really have my back in the way that I thought they did.

Thus, this has made me recognize that my cup is being drained without me even realizing- because instead of being excited to celebrate my success and share it with those around me, I’ve unconsciously been ‘stuffing it down’ and dimming my light.

This is something I believe is quite common, that we all struggle with from time to time- and today, we’re gonna talk about it.

It’s time to release this for good, step fully into the energy of celebration, and pay attention to those who are actually celebrating us. Our self-FULL cup depends on it!

Therefore, go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission- and then pop down below to the reflection section to see how you can integrate this into your life this week.

Reflection Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. What role does the energy of celebration currently play in your life?

Do you feel that you are someone who celebrates the good things that happen in your life? Does that apply to BOTH the big and little (sometimes miniscule) things? Could you perhaps do a better job at celebrating more in your life to maximize this energy?

And when you zoom out from here… what does the circle that surrounds you currently feel like in this department? Do you feel that you are surrounded by people who raise you up, have your back, cheer you on and celebrate every single move that you make?

Or, does it feel like people in your life couldn’t be bothered to reach out, hit the like button, send words of encouragement or anything of that nature?

The truth is that the energy of celebration directly impacts how full our cup (and our life) is. When this is stifled or dimmed, it can result in us feeling like we are being held back or that what we are doing isn’t as special as what we think it is.

In either case? It changes how we show up- and as a result, what becomes possible for us moving forward. You owe it to yourself to consider the ways in which you can adjust your own ‘celebration protocol’… and then to also pay attention to how this applies to those who surround you.

Spend sometime sitting with the questions above, either in a meditation or journaling format, and consider what changes you’d like to implement into this week regarding this concept.

Once you’ve moved through the audio and have reflected upon the changes you’d like to see, drop into the comments below with us and let us know what this brought up for you today. I’d love to know what role celebration currently plays in your life!

Let’s continue to support each other on our way to building a self-full life.

🫶🏼

If you want more love notes like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format (just like this one), and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more. Launching this July: a 20-week trauma healing and self-discovery program called ‘Coming Home To You’.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let us know below in the comments so we can support each other on this journey to a self-full cup 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

This here, is EPISODE EIGHT.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Pay Attention To Where You Cast.

As you heal and begin to demand more for your life- one of the things that often shifts and changes first is your relationships and the people that you are willing to allow in your life.

During this time you begin to put in boundaries, say no, and decide that you want to be treated better… which is all incredible. But what happens when someone you’ve distanced yourself from, cut out, or simply don’t like, can’t be avoided?

Maybe your boss at work is a jerk but you don’t have the luxury of quitting until you find another job- or maybe you’re like me, and sometimes at family outings, you still have to see people who are no longer a part of your life.

Whatever the reason might be- there are ways to make it easier on yourself so that you’re not suffering or wreaking havoc on your mental health. And today? We’re gonna talk about one of my favourite tools for this, which is unhooking.

Not only is this process incredible for decreasing the stress and tension that can be present from other people- but it is also a fabulous way to pay attention to where you yourself, might be ‘casting’ your own energy. So let’s dive into it, shall we?

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission, and then pop down below to the action section to see how you can integrate this into your life this week.

Action Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. Are there any situations in your life where you might be unable to avoid interactions with certain individuals that might otherwise drain your energy?

Are there people you’ve cut out or went no contact with that you are forced to be around?

Do you normally leave these interactions feeling low, gross or completely stressed out?

If so, you’re not alone. Take some time to think about when and where this resonates the strongest for you- and then make a plan to implement this process.

Sometimes it can be helpful to practice with this on your own, even before you come into contact with them so that you know how and what to visualize.

Find a method that works best for you, but remember, there isn’t a ‘right’ way to do this. Whatever feels right or most natural to you, is the best way for you to do this.

Once you’ve moved through the audio and made a plan to begin implementing this, drop into the comments below with us and let us know what this brought up for you today.

Let’s continue to support each other on our way to building a self-full life.

If you want more love notes like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format (just like this one), and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more. Launching this July: a 20-week trauma healing and self-discovery program called ‘Coming Home To You’.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let us know below in the comments so we can support each other on this journey to a self-full cup 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

This here, is EPISODE SEVEN.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Discovering The Root.

We all have moments in life where we face unexpected, and sometimes reoccurring, problems in life- and no matter what we ‘do’, they seem to keep resurfacing again and again.

When this happens, we generally focus our attention and energy on what we believe is the most ‘logical’ area that these problems seem to be arising from. Which makes sense on paper… but might actually be hurting us in the long run. For example:

Fight with our spouse? The problem is obviously the relationship.

More money going out than coming in? I must need to work harder.

Feeling overwhelmed at your job? My boss is a jerk.

These might seem like natural ‘causations’- and in a way, they can be. But what if I told you that they probably aren’t the main reason… and the ‘root cause’ actually goes much deeper than that?

Today we’re exploring where our physical problems are really coming from, and how to peel back the layers and assess what is causing these things to keep showing up for you in your life.

Chances are, you might even know what these ‘roots’ are already- and it’s probably something that you’ve been ignoring, putting off or procrastinating for a while.

If that’s the case, then today is going to be exactly what you need to hear.

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission, and then pop down below to the reflection section to think about how you can integrate this further in your life.

Reflection Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. What might actually be the ‘root cause’ behind the problems that you are facing in your life?

Today’s topic requires a lot of introspection and self-analysis. I recommend carving out 30 minutes of your day today or this week, for you to sit in a quiet, distraction-free zone and allow yourself to process this.

If you were to ask yourself, “what is the biggest problem that I am facing in my life right now”, what would that be? What seems to be causing the biggest challenges or headache for you? And where do you ‘think’ that problem is currently originating from?

Now take a step back from that and ask yourself- if this wasn’t actually creating the problem, then what might actually be?

Is there a wound that hasn’t fully healed? A limiting belief that is driving your reactions or actions? A unconscious fear of something in your reality? A lack of boundaries or perhaps not speaking up for yourself?

If you can allow yourself to get still and quiet- I promise you that the answers will come. Personally, I’ve noticed a tremendous shift in my life and certain challenges I was facing (like my weight!) in just a few days, once I fully set down and released the things I was still carrying in my life.

The power of change and getting the results that you want in your life is dependent upon your ability to assess this for yourself- and of course, focus your attention on the root cause of your problems.

Once you’ve moved through the audio and carved time to reflect upon the challenges your facing in your life, drop into the comments below with us and let us know what this brought up for you today.

Let’s continue to support each other on our way to building a self-full life.

If you want more love notes like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format (just like this one), and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more. Launching this July: a 20-week trauma healing and self-discovery program called ‘Coming Home To You’.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let us know below in the comments so we can support each other on this journey to a self-full cup 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

I remember the day clearly.

It was 14 years ago and I was sitting inside of a Tim Hortons with my mom, about to have tea and a conversation I’d been dreading.

I had rehearsed what I was going to say, planned for all angles (or so I thought), and was ready to lay it all out on the table- I was in love with him.

‘Him’ being Charles, my now husband. A man 18 years older than me. A family friend. Someone I’d had a crush on for years, who made me feel safer than anyone had in my entire life- and who would, unknowingly to me at the time, become my best friend.

I sat in the booth across from her, ready to pour my heart out and with the expectation that, no matter what… it’d be okay. Only I had no way of knowing that what was about to happen would change the course of the rest of my life.

Truthfully, this wasn’t the first time I told her about him. Weeks prior, before moving in with him, I had blurted it out unexpectedly while visiting home.

I didn’t mean to, and it certainly wasn’t delivered how I’d have liked it to have been- but the cards were laid on the table. And that conversation was anything but okay.

After the shock of what I’d said wore off, she shifted into disbelief, and then anger. I didn’t know it then, but I had been manipulated my whole life into doing what she wanted- and those tactics came out in full force that day.

At the time, I was in University, half-way through a degree she pressured me into, in accommodations that she was paying for. I was told that I needed to end the relationship ‘or else’.

I chose or else- and instantly, overnight, all funding was pulled back- leaving me without tuition, rent or money to live.

So, I had pivoted. I moved in with Charles, I got a job alongside a full course load, and I took out student loans to cover all my expenses- actions I don’t think she was expecting me to take.

In fact, I know she was expecting me to come running home and end the relationship. To listen. To behave. To do as I was told. As I had been doing unconsciously, for my entire life.

But the truth is that I couldn’t this time- even if I had wanted to.

I had this knowing deep inside of me that the man I was falling for… he would do anything for me. He’d change my world for the better, and help me become a better person. I can’t explain it, but I do believe something inside of me knew.

Thus, weeks later when she reached out, asking to meet me for tea, I wanted to believe that things had changed. That she was taking everything she had said to me back, and that she wanted me to be happy.

Unfortunately that was the furthest thing from the truth.

Before I even had a chance to speak that day, she started the conversation.

From the first word she spoke I could tell that the anger hadn’t shifted- in fact, it’d multiplied and grown to a level I’d never seen before. Her eyes held a coldness and disconnect that I hadn’t yet experienced, and the fragile, scared little girl inside of me was too paralyzed to say a word.

Instead, a sealed letter was thrust into my hands- and I was told that it contained everything that she wanted to say to me. I was told that I was a disappointment, and that, from this moment forward, I was ‘cut off’.

Not just financially- but fully disowned. I was no longer a part of her family- and as such, I would remain an outsider for every moment that I chose to be with ‘him’.

And with that, she left me sitting in the booth, holding the letter.

In shock, I walked out to my vehicle, and with shaking hands, I opened it.

Looking back, I wish that I would have waited until I got home to do so- because driving home in the state that I was in afterwards probably wasn’t the safest.

But, I read on.

The letter, multiple pages in length, began by reiterating what she had already spoken- the level of deep disappointment that I had caused her. How embarrassing and devastating it was for me to be her daughter. How ashamed she was of me. And how I’d never see my little sisters (who at the time were 3, 5 and 7) again.

She wrote that the news of me dating Charles would kill my grandparents- and if I was selfish enough to carry on this relationship, then I better not tell them because they would have heart attacks and die. That their deaths would be on my hands.

But the part that came next was the hardest to hear- and something that still sticks with today. My mother? She got pregnant at 16, having me at 17 years old.

And in the letter she wrote to me, she stated that she wished she would have aborted the pregnancy to avoid having such a disappointment as a daughter.

I wish I could find the words to describe what reading that line did to me.

The deep, searing pain I felt ripple through my body and my heart. The guilt that I felt for wanting to be happy and make my own choices in my life. The shame I felt for simply being me and existing on this earth.

I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard.

I had called Charles from the parking lot, inconsolable. To be honest looking back, I don’t know if he could even make out what I was saying because I was crying so hard.

But he told me to come home, and so I did.

That’s when the real work began.

I wish I could write to say that things with my mother changed when I got home or got better in the years that followed. But the truth is that they haven’t, and they likely never will.

For years following this moment, I tried to fix things. Mend the bridge. Reach out.

I tried desperately to be the girl that held both worlds-

the girl who made herself happy

AND

the girl who made her mother happy

But the truth is that those worlds cannot coexist together when only one of them is healed. Regardless, for years, I regrettably kept communication open.

Looking back, I can see how often I would go through moments of hope, where things seemed to be improving and she’d say something supportive. Then instantly that would be met with gut-wrenching sadness as she ripped it away and told me what a terrible person that I was.

So I’d block her, wait a few weeks or months, and try again.

The cycle would continue to repeat again and again- always with me left in tears, wondering what was wrong with me and why my own mother couldn’t love me.

It was destroying me- until I realized that this pain wasn’t mine to carry anymore.

Almost ten years later, I finally found the strength to go no-contact. I blocked, deleted or threw out all old traces of her, her messages/emails/voicemails- and I even changed my number.

It’s been four years of no contact, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t healthier as a result.

But don’t get me wrong- in the beginning, it was not easy. There was a lot of shame, guilt and fear that I had to work through in order to get to where I am now.

There were moments I definitely regretted it, doubted myself, and almost went back to texting her.. But each and every time I’ve come to realize that how I felt in each interaction with her is not how I want to feel in my life- nor do I deserve that.

I deserve to be treated well, and to be loved without conditions.

Thus, my standards on relationships and who is a part of my life has also significantly changed- and I’ve realized that it’s a privilege to be a part of my life. A privilege that she no longer has and will no longer have at any point.

But while I’ve consciously cut ties, there are still infrequent moments where our paths do cross, and I have to work again to remember all of this.

Things like family outings or gatherings, in the care of my grandparents, or in seeing my younger sisters (who I’ve now started to form a relationship with after all these years).

Our interactions as a result, are always brief, surface-level, and polite. I’m able to observe without absorbing, and consciously use my tools to keep myself grounded.

And honestly? That’s exactly the way I’d like it to be. Like two strangers bumping into each other randomly and exchanging small talk before they carry on.

I’ve been doing pretty good with this and was just recently reflecting on how long it’s been since I’ve talked, thought about, or worried about our relationship.

But oddly (or not so oddly) enough, this past week she mentioned to my little sister that she’s been texting me but I haven’t been responding- because she doesn’t know that I changed my phone number years ago.

As a result, I told my little sister that- and she asked if the correct number could be given.

I’ll be honest… at first I felt hesitation. Then guilt. Then shame. I almost went down a spiral- and I even asked my husband ‘am I wrong for wanting to say no?’ (which of course he said absolutely not).

So eventually, I reached a place of neutrality and I finally responded- no.

The truth is that a part of me wanted to still feel guilty for keeping her out of my life and remaining no contact. A part of me wanted to feel guilty about not being the peace-keeper or the people-pleaser. A part of me wanted to make it easier on my little sister rather than holding my boundary.

But ultimately the answer is and will always be, no.

She does not deserve contact with me. I am not required to give her my number. She is no longer a part of my life (nor will she ever be)… and as hard as that is, it will be okay.

I’m not a bad person for believing I deserve more.

I’m not a bad person for wanting more.

I’m not a bad person for demanding more.

In fact, I know exactly who I am. I am a loving, lovable, kind, compassionate woman who strives to do well in her life, not just for her, but for others too.

I know I am a good person. I know that I am worthy of love. And I know that no matter what happens in any relationship of mine in the future- I’ll always have my own back and love myself unconditionally.

Because THAT?

That’s the only thing that matters.

* This piece was inspired by the feelings that can arise whenever we’re working hard to say no, put in a boundary, or go no contact with someone. I hope that if anyone is currently in this sticky phase of growth and healing, that this resonated with you and helped you feel a little less alone today.

If you want more downloads like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format, and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more. Launching July 27th: a 20-week trauma healing and self-discovery program called ‘Coming Home To You’.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let us know below in the comments so we can support each other on this journey of healing 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

P.P.S. Our 20-week Coming Home To You program LAUNCHES July 27th! You can get access to this life-changing healing and self-discovery program (originally sold for $2500+), for just $8 as a paid member of The 30 Something Bible.

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

This here, is EPISODE SIX.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Connect with yourself.

When life gets busy and challenges pop up, most of us tend to deal with the stress and overwhelm of that by attempting to ‘do more’. But do you know what really happens in those moments?

The truth is that we quickly go into sacrificing the self. Any time, care or attention we’d normally give ourselves each day is often the first thing to be forgotten- and suddenly we’re wondering why we feel so dam off.

This past week for me has been filled with challenges- the unexpected kind that require solutions, problem solving and a lot of my energy. The old me would normally have went down this very path, and been left feeling worse than when she started.

But this time, I worked on implementing a simple practice that I learned a few years ago that completely changed the game for me- and that is what I am sharing with you today.

Grounding ourselves and moving through complicated emotions like overwhelm or anxiety doesn’t have to be something that requires a lot of energy or time. In fact, we can often get clear on what we’re feeling and be able to shift it in just a matter of minutes- and all it requires is getting still and connecting with yourself.

Therefore today we’re going to walk through a very simple process that you can utilize anytime you’re feeling stressed or anxious- so that you can continue to care for yourself, crush your to-do list, and achieve your goals.

Because after all, a self-full cup starts with the self.

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission, and then pop down below to the reflection section to think about how you can integrate this further in your life.

Reflection Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. When’s the last time you told yourself that you love you?

Connecting to ourselves can seem silly in the beginning of a self-love journey, and often be a step that we overlook or want to skip. But the truth is that this is the most crucial step that you can take to creating a self-full cup… and not JUST in times of immense challenge either.

Spend sometime sitting with the questions below, preferably in a quiet, distraction-free zone- and see what comes up for you. There is likely a lot of wisdom hiding within you that can help you shift how you’re showing up in your life right now, so that things feel better and you get the results that you actually desire.

To start, I invite you to explore what it is that you’re feeling right now. Do you feel stressed? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Anxious? Fearful? Annoyed?

What is the primary emotion that you are feeling right now, and why is it actually showing up for you? What do you believe is the underlying cause (belief, fear) that is driving you to feel this way?

Is it valid? Why might this NOT be true? Can you allow yourself to release it?

In what ways can you show yourself some extra love right now? What reminders or self-talk do you need to give yourself (or your inner child) to feel safe, loved, worthy, happy, etc. right now?

What is the new story or belief that you’d like to replace this with moving forward?

Take your time and actually write your answers out, pen to paper. There is always something underlying hiding behind how we are feeling, and the only way we truly ‘shift it’ is by acknowledging what that is.

Ignoring, stuffing down, or trying to run from/avoid our emotions will only lead to them coming back stronger- and so it is important to truly connect with yourself here.

Creating a self-full life begins (and ends) with the self. Give yourself this time to be present, connect and discover- and you might just be surprised by how quickly you move through what is coming up for you right now.

Continue to use this practice throughout your days moving forward, either when challenges are present OR when you just want to send yourself a little more love.

Once you’ve moved through the audio, the practice and the questions, drop into the comments below with us and let us know what came up for you.

Let’s continue to support each other on our way to building a self-full life.

If you want more love notes like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format (just like this one), and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more. Launching this July: a 20-week trauma healing and self-discovery program called ‘Coming Home To You’.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let us know below in the comments so we can support each other on this journey to a self-full cup 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

This here, is EPISODE FIVE.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Where are your time leaks?

If you were to look around at your life right now- where would you say that you are spending the majority of your energy when you’re not working, eating or sleeping? Specifically, where is your time going, and is it actually being invested in something that you’re happy about?

The truth is that most of us will have things filling up the ‘nooks and crannies’ of our day that are total time-wasters. Think of these things like thieves of time- leaving us feeling moody or irritated, giving us no real value in our lives.

These ‘things’ can be anything from holding onto anger or frustration longer than necessary, binge watching too many Netflix episodes, getting stuck on long phone calls with a toxic friend- or more.

But for me? The biggest thief of my time lately has been doom-scrolling on social media. Or even more specifically, getting pulled into reading the comments on posts and reels that have absolutely nothing to do with me or my life.

Therefore, in today’s audio we explore why thieves of time like this are a huge block to having a self-full cup, and why we want to work on reducing or eliminating them from our lives for our greatest benefit.

I’ll walk you through exactly what I’ve been doing to combat this in my own life, what changes I am seeing in my life as a result, and how you can do this too- starting this week.

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission, and then pop down below to the action section to make some changes to this area of your life.

Action Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. If you had to guess, where would you say that your greatest thief of time is?

The truth is, if we’re being honest, there is probably more than one. But for the sake of today and our action step this week- let’s attempt to focus on one area. Ideally, that would be the biggest or greatest time-waster, but if that seems too challenging you can choose to focus on an easier one instead.

Once you’ve decided on what that will be, I invite you to spend a few minutes sitting with and considering this area. In what ways is this thing currently showing up and taking away your time? How many hours are you wasting? If you were to get that time back, what could you fill it with instead? How much more energy would you have?

Most importantly- what can you do to get this time back?

Chances are, you likely already have some ideas in mind about how you can set down that thing, say no, choose something else, or begin to form a new habit- like I am with the app I am using to block social media access.

Make a plan of action to begin reducing or eliminating this time waster from your life this week. Try to stick to the changes for at least seven days, and see what benefits you experience as a result.

When you’ve decided what you’re working on for this week, drop below into the comments and share it with us so we can support each other.

Resources Mentioned

Is Your Time Being Stolen? | Listen Here

Brick App | Download Here

If you want more love notes like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format (just like this one), and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more. Launching this July: a 20-week trauma healing and self-discovery program called ‘Coming Home To You’.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let us know below in the comments so we can support each other on this journey to a self-full cup 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

Monthly Reset Ritual [July]

I’m sitting at my desk in front of a big picture window, listening to the birds chirp as a warm breeze blows in, and the sun shines down on me.

Let me start off by acknowledging that June was a funky month here in Alberta- lots of rain, hardly any sunshine. And truth be told, I think that it’s impacted the mood and mindset of most people here.

Unlike other areas of the world, the summer season here is very short- which means that in some ways, we can feel a sense of pressure to make the most out of every single day or ‘else’. And since the warm weather has been delayed, I’ve noticed people begin to tell the story of how they’ve already missed out on, or are behind in their plans.

I’m a big believer in our words and intention having meaning, so what if instead of starting our month off thinking about what we’re missing- we focused on every possibility that lies in front of us?

Personally for me, the vibe of July and what I want to call in feels like soft, slow living. No pressure, no schedule, no force. Instead, just consciously focusing on seeking delight through everything that I do- whether that’s active plans or simply resting at home.

The truth is that we all deserve to cultivate a feeling of peace, presence, and joy in every moment and in every day- but how we achieve that is through recognizing that it’s not just the big things that matter. It’s the little things too.

Therefore, in today’s Monthly Reset Ritual, I hope to inspire you to peel back the layers in your own life so that you can see where you are currently ‘operating’ as opposed to being, ‘absorbing’ as opposed to observing, and ‘expecting’ rather than experiencing.

How we make this month delicious is through conscious rewiring, and romanticizing all moments (including the ones that seem too small to matter). So let’s dive in, shall we?

Reflect; upon the past month.

Today’s guide begins with a simple practice to reflect upon the last month and what brought you ‘here’ to this very moment. You didn’t just stumble into today out of nowhere- a pattern of thoughts, actions and beliefs led you to where you are right now, and we need to decide if we actually like the result or not.

Now, it’s important to recognize that this reflection is not something that is done with the intention of guilt or shame. Instead, we want to look at where we are and how we feel from a feeling of neutrality. The goal is to observe, not absorb.

What happened or didn’t happen won’t change through feeling poorly about it. We can only change what we are consciously aware of- and have the knowledge, tools and support to do so.

You did the best that you could last month with what you had available to you, and all we want to do this month is tweak what didn’t work so that we can get closer to the results that we actually desire to achieve.

One of my favourite activities for doing this is to take out a pen and paper, and jot down some thoughts in regards to how the last month went for you. You can either look at everything as a ‘whole’, or you can zero in on specific areas that feel the most prevalent to you- like work, relationships or health.

Here are some questions to get you started:

→ What was the last month like for you?

→ What were some things that went well, and some things that didn’t?

→ What are you celebrating from the last month right now?

→ If you could do it all over again, what would you better prioritize or do differently?

→ How do you want these reflections to influence the energy of the month ahead?

Feel free to journal on anything and everything that comes up, and consider what steps you can take from this knowledge to set yourself up for better success in July.

Maybe you recognized that you said yes to too many things you didn’t want to do, or maybe taking care of yourself fell to the backburner because of stress. Whatever it might be, use this activity to fuel the steps you take moving forward this week.

Reset; your energy and space.

It goes without saying (but we’re gonna say it anyways), that the state of your external environment is a direct reflection of your internal environment. Which means that if you’re living in chaos, or if things in your life are unorganized or in disarray- then you’ll likely feel, think and act in this way too.

So the first of the month? It’s a powerful energetic portal that makes it the perfect time to clean, organize and set intentions for the month ahead. In fact, this day is widely celebrated in manifestation and feng shui traditions as an opportunity to clear stagnant energy and set the energetic tone for the weeks ahead.

July itself is the threshold of summer, and as such, reflects high energy. This month is typically packed with social outings, gatherings, activities and fun-in-the-sun. Statistically, this month is when most of us are ‘out and about’, away from home, camping or on road trips- and often that means a lot of packing and unpacking.

Knowing this, a energetic focus on regulating and ‘calming’ both internal spaces and outside ones can help to lower stress levels, decrease overwhelm and help you feel on top of everything- before chaos ensues.

I recommend taking a look at your schedule for the month ahead to determine what might be the biggest priority for yourself to organize or do, in advance. Will there be a lot of people in and out of your house, increasing the chances of clutter piling up?

Is there an area of your home or life that is feeling especially crowded right now? Is your schedule so busy that you’ll likely feel overstimulated at some point and need to take a reset?

Consider what is going to impact you the most (or maybe already is) and use that as a way of guiding your reset for the month ahead. Personally for me, I plan to do an audit of our bank accounts this month to assess where our finances are going and if there are any money leaks, take our bottles in that are piling up and causing me stress each time I look at them, and organize the download folder on my computer which has completely gotten out of hand over the last few weeks.

What will you be choosing to focus on for your energy and space reset?

If you need some ideas to get started, try this:

→ Consider implementing a sunrise reset where you spend at least 10 minutes outside in the sun before screens, setting an intention for the day.

→ Focus on a hot-spot declutter: pick the one surface that’s become a dumping ground and clear it with intention and purpose. Don’t just stuff things into places they don’t go so that they cause additional stress later; put each item away so that the space is cleared permanently.

→ Implement a cold water ritual this month, where you take a cold shower or do a cold plunge as a nervous-system reset to literally wash off stress and overwhelm.

Make this month feel like yours.

Today feels like summer might actually be arriving- and I’m definitely here for it. I’m ready for those long summer nights, walks in the park, picnics by the water, and spur-of-the-moment road trips to completely consume my life in all the best ways.

Thus, this section of our guide is all about romanticizing life and finding new ways to make every day feel extra special this month. You don’t need to have a large budget or lots of free time to be intentional and love up on yourself.

In fact, sometimes the biggest changes can actually come from the smallest, most consistent steps. After all, the energy of romanticizing your life is really about making life more enjoyable. About slowing down, living softer, being present in all moments.

And usually? It’s not actually about doing something different- but doing the things you’re already doing differently. With purpose. Intention. And love.

So for today, I want you to consider what energy you want to bring into the month of July. How do you want this month to feel? What do you want to spend your time doing? And how can you make this month truly feel like you- in every single moment?

Personally for me, I am using this month as a portal for trying new things, and for continuing to deepen and refine the things I am already doing. This month I plan to take golf lessons to improve my swing (I’ve been playing for a couple years and I’m ready to improve), start boxing classes to learn how to fight (I’ve always wanted to learn), and prioritize brunch dates with my girlfriends for frequent catch ups.

What will you focus on to romanticize the month ahead and make this month yours?

If you need some ideas to get started, try this:

→ Hit up a local farmers market for your fresh veggies, seasonal fruit, and raw honey, instead of shopping at the supermarket.

→ Sign up for a flower subscription service and get fresh, beautiful bouquets delivered to your home every single month.

→ Go for a walk on a new trail that you’ve never been to before, and take a girlfriend for long, deep conversations about your wildest dreams.

→ Check out a new little cafe and take yourself on a solo date; order your favourite drink (or try something new!) and enjoy dessert while your read or people watch.

If you want more musings like this

The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format, and monthly reset rituals (just like this one) to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.

Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.

The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.

Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.

Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:

• Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, courses, programs and more. Launching this July: a 20-week trauma healing and self-discovery program called ‘Coming Home To You’.

• Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!

• Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.

And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.

From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.

Subscribe now

Let us know below in the comments how you plan to make the month of July feel a little more like you, and what you’re calling in for the next 30 or so days 🫶🏽

Love, Brianne xx

P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌

About the Author:

Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.

Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.

I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!

💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!

Subscribe now

I’m having one of those days where it feels like I am not enough and yet somehow, too much all at the same time. Yesterday was the start of my moon- and it hit me so much harder than my last few previous cycles have.

On one hand I think it’s because I’m detoxing (hello Zeolite)- or perhaps it’s just simply because everything in my life has been simultaneously coming to a head over the last few weeks- and I’m just really starting to feel the impact now.

Regardless of the reason, lets just say that things have been… weird.

Not a bad weird per se. And in some ways maybe even a really good weird. But the fact is that they just haven’t been ‘normal’ (compared to what I am used to), and I’m having a really hard time adjusting.

Part of me wanted to run away today. Run away from how I’m feeling, run away from what I’m working on, heck… even run away from my life. But I stopped myself again and again because I know that is not the way that I respond to challenges in my life now.

That is an old reaction. A desire to escape learned from years of seeking safety.

And the thing is, when I stop to acknowledge that… I can see that I’m actually safer right now than I have been in a really long time.

The truth is that my nervous system is more regulated than it’s been in years. My passion for what I do and the desire to get creative spills out of me each day like a faucet that I am unable to turn off.

And I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in my entire life- surrounded by people, things, and thoughts that make my heart want to burst wide open.

But yet here I am- desiring an escape for some reason. Unconsciously sabotaging my goals because everything good that I am feeling right now feels wrong. Like it’s too good to be true or that the rug is going to get pulled out from underneath of me at any second.

And that’s all it is you know… me simply mistrusting the good. Because for years it wasn’t good. For years it was hard and painful. For years my nervous system and my ego learned to normalize the pain and struggle.

So as a result, today I find myself vibrating with anxiousness. Struggling to concentrate. It feels as if all I am doing isn’t enough. Like it might never be enough. And yet, at the exact same time it feels that I am asking, giving, and as a result, being- too much.

This is temporary, I know. I can see that, logically. But what is happening inside my body feels illogical and unable to be controlled. Like maybe it’s not supposed to be.

I think this is all part of the growth. Part of the healing cycle. My ego is just trying to keep me safe as I navigate this familiar bumpy, dark and uncomfortable space.

You know the one, right?

The uncomfortable space of growth between who we are and who we are yet to be.

The uncomfortable space of leaning into a new identity and still white knuckling the old one, scared to let go and see what might be next.

The uncomfortable space of deciding- and demanding- more for our lives.

So while my ego wants me to believe that this is unsafe, that it’s not possible and that I am to remain stuck here forever… I will instead allow these questions to circulate in my mind.

What if it is better than I could ever have imagined it to be?

What if it was more than possible for me to achieve the things that take up every nook and cranny of space within my heart and mind?

What if I am worthy of everything I desire and more?

I trust that I know the way, and I trust that this day shall pass. Where I am right now is not where I am going to stay. And as much as I want to run away- instead here I will sit, in front of my computer, hands on the keyboard, and I will type.

Because nothing good ever came from self-doubt anyway.

To being the perfect right amount,

Brianne xx

This here, is EPISODE FOUR.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Slumber Fit For A Queen.

There was a time (yearssss ago), where I was convinced that I thrived on zero sleep, energy drinks and a packed schedule. The truth? I was barely surviving-

and each time I made the choice to limit or restrict my sleep, there were massive consequences in my life (like not having the energy to even take care of myself).

In recent years, I’ve learned how to shamelessly prioritize sleep, and WOW… has it ever made a difference in my life. Not just how I feel, but in my self-care, my motivation, my productivity, my mood and so much more.

The reason? Well, sleep is part of the foundation of what makes a self-full life. And you cannot show up in your life effectively as the queen that you are, unless you actually have the energy to do so.

Working out? Challenging without sleep. Eating well? Impossible without sleep. Achieving those goals and checking items off your to-do list? FORGET ABOUT IT.

So needless to say, today? We’re chatting all about your sleep hygiene routines, how the simplest and smallest changes can actually lead to the greatest results, and most importantly- what to actually DO to improve the quality of your sleep.

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission, and then pop down below to the action section to make some changes to this area of your life.

Action Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. What does the area of sleep currently look like for you?

Are you surviving or thriving? Are you limiting or restricting your sleep? Do you wake up feeling groggy and exhausted? Are your energy and health routines impacted throughout the day because of how well you slept the night before?

Consider everything- not just the quality and quantity of what your sleep routines look like, but what you can you actually implement or change to see improvement in them?

Today’s audio discussed a lot of specific steps that I personally take to ensure that I am getting the best sleep possible- but what feels like it is doable to you?

Remember that the steps you take do not have to be massive. In fact, sometimes the smallest and simplest steps can lead to the greatest outcomes. So what feels like it is most achievable right now?

Maybe it’s getting an eye mask or darkening your room. Perhaps it’s distancing from devices before bed, or using your favourite relaxing essential oil. Maybe it’s doing a short meditation or stretch before you climb into the sheets.

Decide what steps you will implement this week to create a sleep sanctuary for yourself, so that you can show up as the queen that you are in your life.

When you’ve decided what step that will be, drop below into the comments and share with us what you plan to implement. And if there are certain things that you do for your own sleep routine that weren’t mentioned- please share those with us too!

I’ll catch you in the next episode.

True Queens Sleep Well,

Brianne xx

If you haven’t read Part One or Part Two yet, check that out first!

The sun is peaking through the overcast sky as a dove coos outside the big, floor-to-ceiling windows in front of me. The rain has just passed, and I’m currently propped up on a chair in my ‘office’- aka the second bedroom in our spacious two bedroom villa here in Bali.

Today, like most days lately, was slow and delicious.

I awoke naturally with the sunrise just after 6 am, quietly tiptoeing from the bedroom as my husband continued to rest. A pot of steaming hot green tea was calling my name as I slowly moved through my morning routine:

-A full body dry-brushing session

-A delightfully cool shower

-A quick but intentional stretch

Eventually I settled in the lounger outside, tea in hand, listening to the birds and watching the sun peak over the trees. This is precisely where I spend the first two hours of each day- pondering, daydreaming, journaling and reading.

In this space, there’s no rush, no alarms, no schedule and no deadlines. All that exists is just me and as much time as I want to be present with myself, and my thoughts.

When my desire for deeper creative work takes hold, I move here, to the ‘office’, where I flow through whatever is calling my name- recording a podcast episode, answering emails or messages, building my platforms, or just simply writing… like I am doing right now.

I’ll work for a few hours until my husband prepares our brunch- then I’ll stop to eat slowly and connect more deeply with him. We love to spend our afternoons suntanning in our courtyard, taking a dip in our private pool, or playing a few rounds of crib.

By this time it’s usually mid-afternoon and the clouds begin to roll in (because it’s rainy season after all). So I’ll run myself a bubble bath and soak in the water by candlelight, enjoying a cup of ceremonial cacao as I watch and listen to the rain come down.

Finally, the storm begins to pass and I find myself inspired to do some more work. I’ll head back to my computer for a couple of hours before disconnecting to enjoy dinner and time with my husband once more.

Does this sound too good to be true? Maybe. But the truth is that it’s not.

This is an actual representation of my life right now*. A life where I’ve ultimately ‘hacked’ the concept of time and I am experiencing a level of freedom that I haven’t felt ever before in my life.

THIS is the version of life that I used to dream about.

The real definition of what it means to be ‘successful’ and ‘rich’- and it actually isn’t about how many dollar bills are in the bank or how many subscribers I have coming through the door. It’s not about driving a fancy car, carrying a brand name bag or having a massive company that makes a ‘splash’. It’s not actually about any of that.

No. For me… being rich and successful means living a life filled with slow, soft mornings- and intentional, fully aligned work. Days where there is no pressure, no force. Where there is no schedule, no timelines, and no must ‘dos’. Just days where I follow my gut, I do what lights me up, and I seek pleasure in every single step that I take.

Ultimate time freedom. The ability to do what you want, when you want, where you want. To say yes to a unplanned massage on a Monday morning or to randomly stopping work on a Wednesday to go play in the water… just because you feel like it.

It’s about being able to say yes to the things you want to do- while also saying no to the things that you do not. It’s about the option to CHOOSE. To choose to feel good. To be present. To have fun. To experience pleasure. To be happy.

And honestly? I’d be doing a disservice to you if I told you that you have to wait to feel this way- because the truth is that it is available to you right now.

We’ve been travelling for almost three months- three months of not working a traditional job, with no guarantees or systems in place to make us money. We are not living off of investments or interest, we do not have a business that fuels us (yet!), and we do not have a massive savings account or millions in the bank (though I am certainly welcoming this in).

In fact… I was officially discharged from my bankruptcy less than three weeks ago.

But yet somehow, money keeps finding me. Dollars continue to appear in my bank account, and things continue to work out for me- even though logically, on paper, it makes absolute zero sense.

So by now you must be wondering, how is this actually happening?

Well, let’s talk about it.

The Blessings

I want to take this moment to share with you the specific blessings that are finding me and the things that are falling into place right now, so that you can see exactly what I’m talking about.

Here it goes…

• As noted, I am celebrating the end of my bankruptcy, having officially been discharged three weeks ago with all of my past debts and mistakes having been cleared. This in itself is such a relief- but do you want to know the real, incredible, holy-shit kicker? The last day of my bankruptcy (aka the closure) fell on April 9th… the date of my mother’s birthday. Out of all the days that it could have ended up on, this is the one that it ‘just so happen’ to be? No. I don’t believe in coincidences! Talk about a major sign from the Universe about the closure of my mother wound and money wound all in one.

• My subscribers for Substack have wildly and rapidly grown in a very short window of the last month. I only started my page/writing at the beginning of this year, and somehow I’ve skyrocketed in growth and connections- which is absolutely unbelievable.

• [EDITED TO ADD] I got my first paid subscribers for BOTH my writing Substack and my podcast Substack since returning home- which means that I am officially a PAID WRITER and a PAID PODCASTER! {insert girlish-screech here!}

• My social media growth has been popping off the charts. At the beginning of this year, my Instagram for the podcast was sitting at just 70 subscribers, and my Facebook for the podcast was sitting at just 35 subscribers. Those numbers have now grown beyond 1000 and beyond 3000 in just a few short months!

• I was invited onto a podcast with an extremely well-known coach (Lauren of Love) to share about my explant journey (a blog post to come on this soon) AND she asked to come on my podcast as well which was huge exposure for me!

• My podcast has been popping off the charts for downloads, reach, connections and more. I even have myself positioned in front of potential sponsors and advertisers now, for brands I am giddy about!

• The passive sale of items from a side hustle continues to bring in money while we are away, resulting in money showing up in my bank account while we are here travelling- and I barely have to do a single thing for it. I’m not promoting or managing this, it’s set up in a way that I just continue to have unexpected sales show up each and every day.

• [EDITED TO ADD] Upon returning home, despite being fresh out of a bankruptcy, we ended up being in the best financial position that we have been in years. Not only did we return to a vehicle (there’s been years when we didn’t have one at all), a place lined up to stay (the same condo we stayed at last fall/winter was available still), a full bank account (usually we come home dry financially from a trip- this time we had over $10,000 left over), money for our damage deposit/rent, unexpected debts being paid off- and even a job for my husband to return to instantly.

These things are just a small ‘snippet’ of what has been happening in my life and the blessings that continue to show up, despite me not working a job or following any set schedule for my creative business.

It doesn’t make sense. There is zero logic to it. And yet, the more I surrender, the more I let go, the more I follow my heart’s desire… the more that blessings like these continue to show up.

Energetic State + Aligned Action

Okay, let me be a little honest…

I think one of the things that frustrated me the most when I was learning about manifestation and law of attraction, was seeing every guru under the sun claim it was ‘easy’. As if you just had to shift your energy one time- and then suddenly it’d all fall into place without any effort. Can you feel me rolling my eyes?

Here’s the thing though… change does not happen without effort. Manifestation does not happen without action. And if you want to achieve something great in your life- you have to be willing to take the steps to get there.

One of the ‘guides’ I really appreciated for helping me to understand this deeper and better, was Abraham Hicks.

There was a period of six months where I listed to one of her videos every single day at breakfast- some on repeat. I’d hear her talk about ‘getting into the vortex’, and for a while… it really frustrated me because I just couldn’t understand what it meant.

But eventually it did click- and what I realized was how much control I actually did have over what I was feeling, what I was focusing my energy on, and the action steps that I was actually taking in my life. Cue, the change.

Understanding that if I truly wanted to change my life- if I truly wanted all the things I said I did- then I needed to prove it with how I was actually living my life.

Shifting from the state I was in (catastrophic company failure, losing everything, bankruptcy, depressed, sick, and stressed) to where I am now didn’t happen overnight.

In fact, you might not want to hear this, but it took two years of conscious, continuous energetic action- and choosing to show up every single day working on myself and my goals.

And that process? The action I took? Not only was it all worth it… I’d choose to do it over and over again if I had to, because the truth is that I’ve finally cracked the code on how to actually manifest the life of your dreams (and yes, I’m going to share with you below the exact steps that I actually took during this time).

The Steps

When we think of action steps, most of us immediately go to the things that we can add on- what can I do different? What box can I check that I wasn’t checking before? What task can I complete that I’ve been avoiding or ignoring?

And while this isn’t a bad thing, I’d be doing a disservice to you if I just jumped right into that to start. Because the truth is- the majority of the change in my life didn’t come from what I added in. It came from what I let go.

Surrendering? This was the by far the hardest, biggest, and most impactful step I took towards changing my life. When I looked around and saw all the things that I was unhappy with- I realized that it all had to go.

Now it’s important to note here that we are not just talking about ‘things’, but we are also talking about ways of being. Because as my definitions of success and freedom shifted and I realized that everything that I was going after I didn’t actually want- I had to change BOTH what I was choosing and who I was being.

I had realized that I didn’t want the big fancy company, the clients, the schedule or the hours spent on calls. I didn’t want to manage other people or be responsible for their health or healing. I didn’t want to be tied to a computer screen or my phone 24/7. And I certainly didn’t want to be the person who was so ‘busy’ they didn’t have time to even enjoy their life.

The realization of everything that I ‘didn’t’ want, was the catalyst towards helping me understand and accept what it was that I actually DID want- things like being in charge of my time, the flexibility to work on what was lighting me up, and being able to close my computer at 1 pm on a Wednesday to go play in the water.

What I deemed as being important, shifted.

What I considered a priority, changed.

And suddenly, what I actually wanted became something different entirely.

This understanding and realization came slowly over time, as I put all of the pieces together. But what is most important to realize here is that this began to lay the foundation for the things I eventually surrendered and let go of.

I started with the company, allowing it to crumble.

I moved onto the people, allowing myself to walk away, ignore, block and delete.

I let go of my nursing license, recognizing it was never ‘for me’.

I stopped coaching and moved into writing and podcasting full time.

But most importantly? I let go of the ways that I was operating, showing up, taking care of and treating myself. I decided I didn’t want to be the woman who lived her life rushing, missing important moments, or feeling so rattled and overstimulated that she snaps on the people she loves most.

I decided I didn’t want to be the woman who was glued to her phone, couldn’t make plans because of ‘work’, or was completely checked out in the evenings with her husband because she was so exhausted.

I decided that I didn’t want to be the woman who skipped meals and breaks, who was chronically stressed and overweight, who didn’t move her body or get enough sleep.

I decided that I was done living the way that I was living- and I let go of it all.

In order to have a life of your dreams, you have to take actually action and build it.

Once the self-imposed crumble of my life began, I knew that I had to start with a brand new foundation for the life that I was calling in. Everything had to go- and once it did, then I could begin to rebuild with things, ways of being and actions that I chose.

Moving from RN/coach to writer/podcaster was a big step, but it wasn’t the only action for building my new life. I had to look at all the small pieces of how I was showing up, and make radical, consistent changes every single day.

Simple things like clearing calendars and organizing workspaces seemed minimal, but they gave me time back and permission to create a work ‘schedule’ that was flexible and felt good to me.

I worked on things like saying no- to people, projects, collaborations, favours- anything that I didn’t feel like doing. I learned how to listen to my body and my unique sacral response, so that I could understand what was intuitively a ‘yes’ and what was a ‘no’.

I began to put in boundaries, distance myself from things that drained my battery, and I started to slow down with every single task that I was doing.

No more multitasking- single task focus. Romanticize everything.

I set aside space for creative work, and I learned how to take breaks. I even wish I was kidding when I say that in the beginning, I literally had to start with one minute lunch breaks where I would sit outside in the sun for a few deep breaths before returning to work.

No, I am not joking- I literally had to teach myself to take breaks and take care of myself because for years I didn’t. And while it started with these breaks, it actually grew into proper sleeping patterns, eating regularly, drinking enough water, moving my body, and even prioritizing my mental health so I could finally heal.

I had to learn to accept myself. To be authentically and unapologetically me. To recognize and decide what I truly wanted, and to learn to listen to my body’s intuitive wisdom so that it could guide me in every single step that I took.

The truth is that I learned how to put myself at the center of my life and create a life that was actually worth living- and it all started with extremely small, daily changes to align myself with who I actually wanted to be.

And now here I am- instead of spending 12+ hours per day on calls, I’m sipping cacao in a bubble bath or splashing around in a pool in a private villa in Bali.

Just two years, and my life looks WILDLY different than it did (for which I am so grateful).

The Secret

So now that you’re reaching the end of this article, you’re probably wondering what the magic suggestion, key to success, or never-before-seen tip on how to manifest your desires, actually is.

And I can’t blame you for that, because I searched for 10 years for the same thing.

But the truth is, I’ve already told it to you.

The results that I’ve gotten in my life and where I am at now are not a result of any magic tip or secret I found that you’ve been left out on.

I didn’t achieve the things I achieved because I ‘visualized’ my outcome every day, or said a spell, or followed some kind of ritual for manifestation.

I tried these things, believe me. For years. And every single time I was left more disappointed and frustrated than when I had began. I used to believe that I had to mindset my way to the finish line- and that single belief is what kept me stuck where I was for a really long time.

So the truth? The honest-to-god truth of it all?

You will never be able to go around, over, or under the ‘work’ that is in front of you. There is no quick fix. There is no magic spell. There is no fast track. The only way that you get to the life you desire is by doing the work now.

Heal. Let go. Shift. Change. Pivot. Say no. Release your grip. Say goodbye. Choose something new, something different, something better. Decide who you want to be and what you want your life to look like- and stop at nothing to get it.

Because then, and only then, when you have shifted your energy, when you have aligned with your desires, and when you have embodied the version of you that you most want to become through the actions that you are taking NOW… will you change your life.

If you want to live a life filled with love, then you have to build a life based on love.

If you want to live a life of happiness, then you have to build a life of happiness.

If you want to live a life of your dreams, then you have to build a life of your dreams.

The steps you take and how you are living right now is what truly matters, because the energy you hold today is what decides tomorrow.

So I guess if you were to ask me now, the simplest answer would be:

Yes. Manifestation is in fact, real.

To manifesting a life of your dreams,

Brianne xx

Ps. If you’re looking for another way to unpack what manifestation truly means and understand how to make it work for your life, then you’ll want to check out this podcast episode here: Manifestation 101: The Secret You’ve Never Been Told

This here, is EPISODE THREE.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Those Closest To You.

One of the most complicated areas of our lives to navigate in the midst of healing, growth and change… is relationships.

I’ve always believed that people are here for either a season, a reason or a lifetime- and most of them? They fit into those first two categories.

As we enter our thirties and begin to truly find ourselves (and put ourselves first), we start to realize what relationships are equal give and take- and which are not.

Some relationships fill our cups, make us feel good, and excite us to be a part of. Other relationships deplete our energy, leave us feeling funky, and can cause us to walk on eggshells each time we interact.

It’s taken me a long time to realize the difference between these two- but lately? I’ve been making a conscious effort to ‘assess’ and make changes. I want (and deserve) to have people in my life who raise me up, have my back, and contribute equally to the relationship we have.

And you know what? You deserve that too.

Therefore, in today’s audio, we’re chatting about exploring the areas of relationships, how to tell if certain relationships are not giving you what you need- and most importantly, what to do about it if they are not.

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission, and then pop down below to the reflection section to think about the next steps that you can take.

Reflection Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. What do the relationships closest to you currently look like?

Are they supportive? Loving? Equal give and take? Or… do you constantly find yourself pouring from your cup into theirs- and never feeling full?

Most importantly… how do you feel when you are with those people? And how do you feel afterwards, when you’ve left those interactions? If you feel anything but good (nervous, anxious, stressed, low energy, sad, disappointed, fearful)- then this is an area to explore deeply.

Spend some quiet, uninterrupted time exploring what comes up for you in each of these areas and why you are feeling that way. Once you’ve reflected on each of the relationships closest to you (or maybe just the one that sticks out the most), consider what changes might need to happen in order for this relationship to continue.

Some might need distance, while others might need boundaries. And in some cases? You might decide that the relationship is not worth salvaging. But the only one who can decide that is you, and reflection is required in order to make change.

When you’ve sat with this, drop below into the comments and share with us what came up for you in today’s episode. Lets support each other in creating and cultivating healthier relationships for the good of our ‘self’!

I’ll catch you in the next episode.

Choosing you always,

Brianne xx

I’m sitting at home, feet up, utterly exhausted from the past few days. My grandmother had surgery last Monday, and I spent this week at her house to help care for her in her initial recovery.

Besides being an ex-registered nurse and having the ‘skills’ to do so- I also care deeply for my grandparents and I jump at the chance to help them whenever I can. Growing up, my mother was a single mom for most of my childhood- and I spent a lot of time at my grandparents house. Most of my good memories involve them and their home.

Thus… returning ‘home’ reminds me of my childhood in all the best ways (even if their physical home has changed since then). As soon as I walk through their doors, the smell of hot soup on the stove, the cozy warmth of a wood burning stove, and the sound of a kettle boiling for tea- all instantly transport me back in time to the years I’m most fond of.

But while there’s a sense of safety, happiness and peace I feel within their walls- this past week also gave me an opportunity to reflect upon a different sensation I’ve often felt while being there, which is the feeling of being triggered.

To be clear, I’m turning 34 this year, and being triggered isn’t something new for me.

My life, and especially my childhood, has been filled with many traumatic moments- and my childhood wasn’t always stable or packed with love. My grandparents also, despite their best intentions, passed down a lot of limiting, sheltered and even toxic beliefs- most of which I am sure they are not even aware of.

I’ve worked hard in the last ten years to clear a lot of these beliefs, and heal a lot of these wounds. But I’m still human and I’m not immune to the way an environment holding ‘old energy’ can impact you- and this week? I really noticed it.

Life is hard.

My grandparents are 80 + 86 years old- and they are from a generation that struggled immensely to survive. From families of 5 and 13 children, they were taught from a very young age that food was hard to come by, you used every single scrap of what you had available, and that you were expected to work hard- no matter your age.

Scarcity wasn’t temporary, they absorbed it as part of their identity- something that they have yet been able to break away from, despite now having more than enough available to them for resources, food, and money.

Fast forward to the present, this shows up as in massive amounts of clutter in every space you look- from piles of old bread ties, to previously used tinfoil or ceran wrap, canned goods that expired years ago, or a fridge full of items well-past their prime that should have been tossed weeks or months ago.

It shows up in their inability to rest, to take care of themselves or take time off. They associate rest with laziness- and this is especially true for my grandma. She’s given every single piece of herself to everyone else her entire life, and she doesn’t know how to give to herself or say no.

Just this week, fresh out of surgery, she had a hard time ‘resting’. I had to kick her out of the kitchen multiple times and make her lay down, because she felt responsible for making meals for the family despite me being there to do all of that.

Finally, this also shows up in their beliefs about money- the ‘limited’ nature of it, how the only way to make money is to exchange your time for it, that people with lots of money are greedy, and how there will never be enough, no matter how hard you try.

In being home for a week- I saw these beliefs more clearly than I’ve ever seen them before. Which might possibly be because I’m in the process of rewriting my own personal relationship with money at this time. Either way, I felt it deeply in a lot of the conversations we had.

They don’t understand what it is that I do online or how I make money doing what I’m doing. They don’t get podcasting or writing as careers, and because it’s not physical, they can’t justify it as work. It’s hard to explain to them so I’ve previously felt myself getting frustrated or annoyed when I’ve spoken, and honestly… I hate that.

I know that my grandma is disappointed that I gave up nursing and would give anything to have me renew my license to keep practicing in the field. I used to think that this was a ‘control’ thing, but lately… I see it more clearly for what it actually is.

My grandma? She was a caregiver her whole entire life.

She had to care for her mom when she was just a child, and she was expected to run her household as the woman of the house when her mother was no longer able. She then married young, and had six children of her own. She never had the opportunity to have a career other than a caregiver, wife and mom- and she’s let it slip to me before that she would have loved to be a nurse.

So in a way, I guess you could say that she’s actually been unconsciously passing down her dreams and desires too- not just her beliefs and fears.

Family image.

Outside of the beliefs noted above, the other (and probably biggest) thing that I’ve been unpacking for years in therapy is this- our family? It’s actually quite toxic.

My family dynamic (including grandparents, kids, and grandkids) has a lot of narcissism, manipulation and control inside of it- most heavily associated with certain individuals. Thus, I learned from a young age that there was a hierarchy to how our family worked- and it was important that you fell into line, or else.

Good girls and women were to be seen and not heard. It was especially important that the outside world did not know any of your ‘business’ and what was happening inside of the family walls. In fact, to everyone else, you must appear perfect. Don’t speak up or out of turn, bite your tongue, do as you are expected to do.

Now, I’ve been hyperaware of how this has been showing up in my own life lately, and I’ve been working hard to release a lot of the ‘good girl’ persona that led me to become a chronic people-pleaser for most of my life.

But in my grandma, and in their home? I can feel it in how she speaks and the expectations she has for herself (and thus me) about the proper way to live your life. To her, it doesn’t matter what someone has done or how shitty of a person they are- you must forgive them and make space for them in your life.

Or my favourite… how you need to give everything that you have, everything that you are, to your spouse, children, boss- and if you’re lucky, there might be something left for you at the end of the day.

It’s heartbreaking, to say the least. And it makes me wonder how many others out there have been raised with the same unconscious expectations-

no wonder we’re all struggling to love ourselves.

Observe, not absorb.

For four days, every single conversation that I had with my grandparents stemmed through one of these unconscious beliefs or expectations.

It’s not a big deal when I’m there for an afternoon or a day- resetting afterwards is quick, and I’m able to hold onto my own beliefs quite easily.

But four days? Well, you’re constantly immersed in it- and everything that you say might possibly be met with a lack of understanding, some tension or a disagreement.

In the past, I would have either felt the frustration rise inside of me with each ‘trigger’, and I would have allowed that to consume me. I would have had to use my tools regularly, take frequent breaks to step outside and clear my mind- or, I would have tried to argue back about how I now see the world without their limitations.

But something was different this time… in how I showed up and the energy that I was able to meet this situation with. It was like I seen them and their perspectives more clearly than I ever have- and even though I don’t agree, I can understand and have empathy for the way that they see the world.

Truthfully, I don’t think that it was ever about control or with a purpose or intent to make me feel smaller, or ashamed. I truly think that their intentions might actually have been from a place of love- to keep me safe and protected in life.

Now this might sound backwards… but hear me out.

Our ego’s are the part of us that like to keep us safe, nestled inside of our cozy little comfort zones- and how we STAY safe, is by never venturing outside of those lines.

My grandparents have lived their entire lives one way. The way that they were taught, with the same rules, expectations and conditions I’ve outlined above. Their beliefs and fears were passed down to them from the generations before- and then were reinforced through their own lives and experiences.

They’ve never challenged that comfort zone or stepped over the line to see what might happen. They’ve allowed that subconscious path within their minds to become so well-beaten, it might as well be laid in concrete.

So… in their minds? There is no other way. They can’t see it, let alone believe it- and unfortunately, it’ll probably be that way until the day they die.

For some reason, this was the first time this understanding has clicked so deeply for me, despite having ‘known’ this for years.

I found myself recognizing the trigger zap through my nervous system like a lightening bolt every time something was said- only this time, it felt like it dissipated and disappeared almost instantly.

At times, I would gaze at my grandmother in awe and wonder. I felt like I could see and feel the pain she must have experienced in her life- the ways she was told no and believed no was the only answer.

The ways she was forced to shrink, to be silent, to barely survive- and my heart aches for her and the limitations she experienced in her life. I found myself sad for her and tearing up at the thought of what it must have been like to live, think and exist like that for 80 years.

But here’s the thing. At the same time? I also felt immense gratitude for my life.

Without realizing it myself, I’ve become a trail blazer for my family. The first to go to University, and then the first to choose something different for her life by walking away from that education.

The first to cut ties with toxic family members and the first to stand up for herself and put in boundaries. The first to decide she wanted more for her life and the first to do whatever she pleases, without looking for validation or permission from anyone else.

The truth is that I’ve been the outspoken one, the bold one, the black sheep. I’ve said and done the things that most can only dream of- and maybe even the things that they WOULDN’T dream of doing.

And when I look at it from that perspective? Well, dam- it’s kind of a flex to be triggered.

Because the truth is that I’m only feeling the way I’m feeling because of the path I’ve chosen, the growth I’ve made, and how far I have actually come in healing my old wounds and beliefs.

I wouldn’t be triggered if I was the same as my grandparents or my family. I wouldn’t notice the ‘sting’ of the questions they ask or the things they say- because I would have thought and spoken in the exact same way.

The fact that I am triggered by their words means that I have grown. It means that I’ve done something right, that I’ve worked on myself- and that I have healed (or am in the process of healing).

This shift in perspective was a beautiful game changer for me this week, and it really influenced the way that I showed up in every interaction that we had. I was able to set down a lot of my old frustrations and just be present with my grandparents, without a need or desire to change anything.

I was able to shift the conversation when I could, hear them speak when I couldn’t, and not take anything personally when it was shared.

The result was something I can’t quite put into words- but it was probably one of the most heart-centered, cup-filling visits I have ever had with them.

Because the truth is- you’ll never not be a healed you in an unhealed environment.

The more you work on yourself, the more you grow and expand, the more you release the limitations you currently have… the greater the gap you create between you and those who have not.

So instead of fighting those who haven’t had the strength or been brave enough to escape their own comfort zones- what if we could use this perspective to have a little more compassion?

What if we could allow ourselves to view each human being as a warrior fighting to break free of their own prison?

What if we could, for just a moment, put on the rose coloured glasses from which they see the world- and simply accept that it is different from our own without a need to change it?

Call me crazy, but I think we just might heal the world that way.

And it’s a perspective that I’m willing to fully get behind.

Here for the triggers,

Brianne xx

This here, is EPISODE TWO.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Embodiment Through Action.

In all the years of coaching that I did, one of my favourite core pillars to teach on was about identity and embodiment. Specifically, how we close the gap between who we are now- and who we most want to be.

Right now (if you’re like the rest of us) you likely see these two things as different, separate places. As if there is a long way to go or a lot of things that must ‘change’ in order for you to be who you want to be, and have all that you want to have.

And the truth is that this division isn’t nearly as big as you are making it out to be.

In fact… you can actually step into the identity of the person you want to be right now- in this very moment.

The future you? The one who has the things and does the things you dream about? She’s showing up in her life in a very specific way.

In how she speaks about herself. In how she prepares for the week ahead. In what she holds a priority. And in the things that she does and does not do.

Basically? She’s taking action in her life in a way that gets her results.

And you can step into her shoes and begin embodying those exact steps today, through the actions that you take and how YOU prepare for your week ahead.

Listen to the audio above, and let’s talk about how to do this through ‘love lists’.

Action Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. Have you been consciously embodying the future version of you through the actions you take- or is there a division between that and how you’re showing up right now?

Today’s action step is to complete a ‘Love List’ for the week ahead to outline your priorities, get organized, and plan for where your attention or energy will go.

Spend some time thinking about how the version of you who ‘has everything she wants’ is showing up in her own life. If that version of you was looking at her week ahead- what would she want to focus on? What tasks would she want to complete?

Create a love list by writing down all the things that you would LOVE to accomplish this week that would help you step into her shoes and achieve the goals that you desire.

Think about all areas of health, business or career, home or family, finances and more. It doesn’t matter what the task is- if you think it will support you in being your best self and is something that you want to do, write it down.

Once you have your list for the week completed, pop down to the comments below and share with us- what are you working on this week? What did today’s audio bring up for you, and what are you shifting energetically within yourself to embody HER?

I’ll catch you in the next episode.

You’re already her,

Brianne xx