If you haven’t read Part One or Part Two yet, check that out first!

The sun is peaking through the overcast sky as a dove coos outside the big, floor-to-ceiling windows in front of me. The rain has just passed, and I’m currently propped up on a chair in my ‘office’- aka the second bedroom in our spacious two bedroom villa here in Bali.

Today, like most days lately, was slow and delicious.

I awoke naturally with the sunrise just after 6 am, quietly tiptoeing from the bedroom as my husband continued to rest. A pot of steaming hot green tea was calling my name as I slowly moved through my morning routine:

-A full body dry-brushing session

-A delightfully cool shower

-A quick but intentional stretch

Eventually I settled in the lounger outside, tea in hand, listening to the birds and watching the sun peak over the trees. This is precisely where I spend the first two hours of each day- pondering, daydreaming, journaling and reading.

In this space, there’s no rush, no alarms, no schedule and no deadlines. All that exists is just me and as much time as I want to be present with myself, and my thoughts.

When my desire for deeper creative work takes hold, I move here, to the ‘office’, where I flow through whatever is calling my name- recording a podcast episode, answering emails or messages, building my platforms, or just simply writing… like I am doing right now.

I’ll work for a few hours until my husband prepares our brunch- then I’ll stop to eat slowly and connect more deeply with him. We love to spend our afternoons suntanning in our courtyard, taking a dip in our private pool, or playing a few rounds of crib.

By this time it’s usually mid-afternoon and the clouds begin to roll in (because it’s rainy season after all). So I’ll run myself a bubble bath and soak in the water by candlelight, enjoying a cup of ceremonial cacao as I watch and listen to the rain come down.

Finally, the storm begins to pass and I find myself inspired to do some more work. I’ll head back to my computer for a couple of hours before disconnecting to enjoy dinner and time with my husband once more.

Does this sound too good to be true? Maybe. But the truth is that it’s not.

This is an actual representation of my life right now*. A life where I’ve ultimately ‘hacked’ the concept of time and I am experiencing a level of freedom that I haven’t felt ever before in my life.

THIS is the version of life that I used to dream about.

The real definition of what it means to be ‘successful’ and ‘rich’- and it actually isn’t about how many dollar bills are in the bank or how many subscribers I have coming through the door. It’s not about driving a fancy car, carrying a brand name bag or having a massive company that makes a ‘splash’. It’s not actually about any of that.

No. For me… being rich and successful means living a life filled with slow, soft mornings- and intentional, fully aligned work. Days where there is no pressure, no force. Where there is no schedule, no timelines, and no must ‘dos’. Just days where I follow my gut, I do what lights me up, and I seek pleasure in every single step that I take.

Ultimate time freedom. The ability to do what you want, when you want, where you want. To say yes to a unplanned massage on a Monday morning or to randomly stopping work on a Wednesday to go play in the water… just because you feel like it.

It’s about being able to say yes to the things you want to do- while also saying no to the things that you do not. It’s about the option to CHOOSE. To choose to feel good. To be present. To have fun. To experience pleasure. To be happy.

And honestly? I’d be doing a disservice to you if I told you that you have to wait to feel this way- because the truth is that it is available to you right now.

We’ve been travelling for almost three months- three months of not working a traditional job, with no guarantees or systems in place to make us money. We are not living off of investments or interest, we do not have a business that fuels us (yet!), and we do not have a massive savings account or millions in the bank (though I am certainly welcoming this in).

In fact… I was officially discharged from my bankruptcy less than three weeks ago.

But yet somehow, money keeps finding me. Dollars continue to appear in my bank account, and things continue to work out for me- even though logically, on paper, it makes absolute zero sense.

So by now you must be wondering, how is this actually happening?

Well, let’s talk about it.

The Blessings

I want to take this moment to share with you the specific blessings that are finding me and the things that are falling into place right now, so that you can see exactly what I’m talking about.

Here it goes…

• As noted, I am celebrating the end of my bankruptcy, having officially been discharged three weeks ago with all of my past debts and mistakes having been cleared. This in itself is such a relief- but do you want to know the real, incredible, holy-shit kicker? The last day of my bankruptcy (aka the closure) fell on April 9th… the date of my mother’s birthday. Out of all the days that it could have ended up on, this is the one that it ‘just so happen’ to be? No. I don’t believe in coincidences! Talk about a major sign from the Universe about the closure of my mother wound and money wound all in one.

• My subscribers for Substack have wildly and rapidly grown in a very short window of the last month. I only started my page/writing at the beginning of this year, and somehow I’ve skyrocketed in growth and connections- which is absolutely unbelievable.

• [EDITED TO ADD] I got my first paid subscribers for BOTH my writing Substack and my podcast Substack since returning home- which means that I am officially a PAID WRITER and a PAID PODCASTER! {insert girlish-screech here!}

• My social media growth has been popping off the charts. At the beginning of this year, my Instagram for the podcast was sitting at just 70 subscribers, and my Facebook for the podcast was sitting at just 35 subscribers. Those numbers have now grown beyond 1000 and beyond 3000 in just a few short months!

• I was invited onto a podcast with an extremely well-known coach (Lauren of Love) to share about my explant journey (a blog post to come on this soon) AND she asked to come on my podcast as well which was huge exposure for me!

• My podcast has been popping off the charts for downloads, reach, connections and more. I even have myself positioned in front of potential sponsors and advertisers now, for brands I am giddy about!

• The passive sale of items from a side hustle continues to bring in money while we are away, resulting in money showing up in my bank account while we are here travelling- and I barely have to do a single thing for it. I’m not promoting or managing this, it’s set up in a way that I just continue to have unexpected sales show up each and every day.

• [EDITED TO ADD] Upon returning home, despite being fresh out of a bankruptcy, we ended up being in the best financial position that we have been in years. Not only did we return to a vehicle (there’s been years when we didn’t have one at all), a place lined up to stay (the same condo we stayed at last fall/winter was available still), a full bank account (usually we come home dry financially from a trip- this time we had over $10,000 left over), money for our damage deposit/rent, unexpected debts being paid off- and even a job for my husband to return to instantly.

These things are just a small ‘snippet’ of what has been happening in my life and the blessings that continue to show up, despite me not working a job or following any set schedule for my creative business.

It doesn’t make sense. There is zero logic to it. And yet, the more I surrender, the more I let go, the more I follow my heart’s desire… the more that blessings like these continue to show up.

Energetic State + Aligned Action

Okay, let me be a little honest…

I think one of the things that frustrated me the most when I was learning about manifestation and law of attraction, was seeing every guru under the sun claim it was ‘easy’. As if you just had to shift your energy one time- and then suddenly it’d all fall into place without any effort. Can you feel me rolling my eyes?

Here’s the thing though… change does not happen without effort. Manifestation does not happen without action. And if you want to achieve something great in your life- you have to be willing to take the steps to get there.

One of the ‘guides’ I really appreciated for helping me to understand this deeper and better, was Abraham Hicks.

There was a period of six months where I listed to one of her videos every single day at breakfast- some on repeat. I’d hear her talk about ‘getting into the vortex’, and for a while… it really frustrated me because I just couldn’t understand what it meant.

But eventually it did click- and what I realized was how much control I actually did have over what I was feeling, what I was focusing my energy on, and the action steps that I was actually taking in my life. Cue, the change.

Understanding that if I truly wanted to change my life- if I truly wanted all the things I said I did- then I needed to prove it with how I was actually living my life.

Shifting from the state I was in (catastrophic company failure, losing everything, bankruptcy, depressed, sick, and stressed) to where I am now didn’t happen overnight.

In fact, you might not want to hear this, but it took two years of conscious, continuous energetic action- and choosing to show up every single day working on myself and my goals.

And that process? The action I took? Not only was it all worth it… I’d choose to do it over and over again if I had to, because the truth is that I’ve finally cracked the code on how to actually manifest the life of your dreams (and yes, I’m going to share with you below the exact steps that I actually took during this time).

The Steps

When we think of action steps, most of us immediately go to the things that we can add on- what can I do different? What box can I check that I wasn’t checking before? What task can I complete that I’ve been avoiding or ignoring?

And while this isn’t a bad thing, I’d be doing a disservice to you if I just jumped right into that to start. Because the truth is- the majority of the change in my life didn’t come from what I added in. It came from what I let go.

Surrendering? This was the by far the hardest, biggest, and most impactful step I took towards changing my life. When I looked around and saw all the things that I was unhappy with- I realized that it all had to go.

Now it’s important to note here that we are not just talking about ‘things’, but we are also talking about ways of being. Because as my definitions of success and freedom shifted and I realized that everything that I was going after I didn’t actually want- I had to change BOTH what I was choosing and who I was being.

I had realized that I didn’t want the big fancy company, the clients, the schedule or the hours spent on calls. I didn’t want to manage other people or be responsible for their health or healing. I didn’t want to be tied to a computer screen or my phone 24/7. And I certainly didn’t want to be the person who was so ‘busy’ they didn’t have time to even enjoy their life.

The realization of everything that I ‘didn’t’ want, was the catalyst towards helping me understand and accept what it was that I actually DID want- things like being in charge of my time, the flexibility to work on what was lighting me up, and being able to close my computer at 1 pm on a Wednesday to go play in the water.

What I deemed as being important, shifted.

What I considered a priority, changed.

And suddenly, what I actually wanted became something different entirely.

This understanding and realization came slowly over time, as I put all of the pieces together. But what is most important to realize here is that this began to lay the foundation for the things I eventually surrendered and let go of.

I started with the company, allowing it to crumble.

I moved onto the people, allowing myself to walk away, ignore, block and delete.

I let go of my nursing license, recognizing it was never ‘for me’.

I stopped coaching and moved into writing and podcasting full time.

But most importantly? I let go of the ways that I was operating, showing up, taking care of and treating myself. I decided I didn’t want to be the woman who lived her life rushing, missing important moments, or feeling so rattled and overstimulated that she snaps on the people she loves most.

I decided I didn’t want to be the woman who was glued to her phone, couldn’t make plans because of ‘work’, or was completely checked out in the evenings with her husband because she was so exhausted.

I decided that I didn’t want to be the woman who skipped meals and breaks, who was chronically stressed and overweight, who didn’t move her body or get enough sleep.

I decided that I was done living the way that I was living- and I let go of it all.

In order to have a life of your dreams, you have to take actually action and build it.

Once the self-imposed crumble of my life began, I knew that I had to start with a brand new foundation for the life that I was calling in. Everything had to go- and once it did, then I could begin to rebuild with things, ways of being and actions that I chose.

Moving from RN/coach to writer/podcaster was a big step, but it wasn’t the only action for building my new life. I had to look at all the small pieces of how I was showing up, and make radical, consistent changes every single day.

Simple things like clearing calendars and organizing workspaces seemed minimal, but they gave me time back and permission to create a work ‘schedule’ that was flexible and felt good to me.

I worked on things like saying no- to people, projects, collaborations, favours- anything that I didn’t feel like doing. I learned how to listen to my body and my unique sacral response, so that I could understand what was intuitively a ‘yes’ and what was a ‘no’.

I began to put in boundaries, distance myself from things that drained my battery, and I started to slow down with every single task that I was doing.

No more multitasking- single task focus. Romanticize everything.

I set aside space for creative work, and I learned how to take breaks. I even wish I was kidding when I say that in the beginning, I literally had to start with one minute lunch breaks where I would sit outside in the sun for a few deep breaths before returning to work.

No, I am not joking- I literally had to teach myself to take breaks and take care of myself because for years I didn’t. And while it started with these breaks, it actually grew into proper sleeping patterns, eating regularly, drinking enough water, moving my body, and even prioritizing my mental health so I could finally heal.

I had to learn to accept myself. To be authentically and unapologetically me. To recognize and decide what I truly wanted, and to learn to listen to my body’s intuitive wisdom so that it could guide me in every single step that I took.

The truth is that I learned how to put myself at the center of my life and create a life that was actually worth living- and it all started with extremely small, daily changes to align myself with who I actually wanted to be.

And now here I am- instead of spending 12+ hours per day on calls, I’m sipping cacao in a bubble bath or splashing around in a pool in a private villa in Bali.

Just two years, and my life looks WILDLY different than it did (for which I am so grateful).

The Secret

So now that you’re reaching the end of this article, you’re probably wondering what the magic suggestion, key to success, or never-before-seen tip on how to manifest your desires, actually is.

And I can’t blame you for that, because I searched for 10 years for the same thing.

But the truth is, I’ve already told it to you.

The results that I’ve gotten in my life and where I am at now are not a result of any magic tip or secret I found that you’ve been left out on.

I didn’t achieve the things I achieved because I ‘visualized’ my outcome every day, or said a spell, or followed some kind of ritual for manifestation.

I tried these things, believe me. For years. And every single time I was left more disappointed and frustrated than when I had began. I used to believe that I had to mindset my way to the finish line- and that single belief is what kept me stuck where I was for a really long time.

So the truth? The honest-to-god truth of it all?

You will never be able to go around, over, or under the ‘work’ that is in front of you. There is no quick fix. There is no magic spell. There is no fast track. The only way that you get to the life you desire is by doing the work now.

Heal. Let go. Shift. Change. Pivot. Say no. Release your grip. Say goodbye. Choose something new, something different, something better. Decide who you want to be and what you want your life to look like- and stop at nothing to get it.

Because then, and only then, when you have shifted your energy, when you have aligned with your desires, and when you have embodied the version of you that you most want to become through the actions that you are taking NOW… will you change your life.

If you want to live a life filled with love, then you have to build a life based on love.

If you want to live a life of happiness, then you have to build a life of happiness.

If you want to live a life of your dreams, then you have to build a life of your dreams.

The steps you take and how you are living right now is what truly matters, because the energy you hold today is what decides tomorrow.

So I guess if you were to ask me now, the simplest answer would be:

Yes. Manifestation is in fact, real.

To manifesting a life of your dreams,

Brianne xx

Ps. If you’re looking for another way to unpack what manifestation truly means and understand how to make it work for your life, then you’ll want to check out this podcast episode here: Manifestation 101: The Secret You’ve Never Been Told

This here, is EPISODE THREE.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Those Closest To You.

One of the most complicated areas of our lives to navigate in the midst of healing, growth and change… is relationships.

I’ve always believed that people are here for either a season, a reason or a lifetime- and most of them? They fit into those first two categories.

As we enter our thirties and begin to truly find ourselves (and put ourselves first), we start to realize what relationships are equal give and take- and which are not.

Some relationships fill our cups, make us feel good, and excite us to be a part of. Other relationships deplete our energy, leave us feeling funky, and can cause us to walk on eggshells each time we interact.

It’s taken me a long time to realize the difference between these two- but lately? I’ve been making a conscious effort to ‘assess’ and make changes. I want (and deserve) to have people in my life who raise me up, have my back, and contribute equally to the relationship we have.

And you know what? You deserve that too.

Therefore, in today’s audio, we’re chatting about exploring the areas of relationships, how to tell if certain relationships are not giving you what you need- and most importantly, what to do about it if they are not.

Go ahead and dive into today’s audio transmission, and then pop down below to the reflection section to think about the next steps that you can take.

Reflection Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. What do the relationships closest to you currently look like?

Are they supportive? Loving? Equal give and take? Or… do you constantly find yourself pouring from your cup into theirs- and never feeling full?

Most importantly… how do you feel when you are with those people? And how do you feel afterwards, when you’ve left those interactions? If you feel anything but good (nervous, anxious, stressed, low energy, sad, disappointed, fearful)- then this is an area to explore deeply.

Spend some quiet, uninterrupted time exploring what comes up for you in each of these areas and why you are feeling that way. Once you’ve reflected on each of the relationships closest to you (or maybe just the one that sticks out the most), consider what changes might need to happen in order for this relationship to continue.

Some might need distance, while others might need boundaries. And in some cases? You might decide that the relationship is not worth salvaging. But the only one who can decide that is you, and reflection is required in order to make change.

When you’ve sat with this, drop below into the comments and share with us what came up for you in today’s episode. Lets support each other in creating and cultivating healthier relationships for the good of our ‘self’!

I’ll catch you in the next episode.

Choosing you always,

Brianne xx

I strongly believe that mornings are one of the most important parts of our day- and what we spend that first hour of our w…

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I’m sitting at home, feet up, utterly exhausted from the past few days. My grandmother had surgery last Monday, and I spent this week at her house to help care for her in her initial recovery.

Besides being an ex-registered nurse and having the ‘skills’ to do so- I also care deeply for my grandparents and I jump at the chance to help them whenever I can. Growing up, my mother was a single mom for most of my childhood- and I spent a lot of time at my grandparents house. Most of my good memories involve them and their home.

Thus… returning ‘home’ reminds me of my childhood in all the best ways (even if their physical home has changed since then). As soon as I walk through their doors, the smell of hot soup on the stove, the cozy warmth of a wood burning stove, and the sound of a kettle boiling for tea- all instantly transport me back in time to the years I’m most fond of.

But while there’s a sense of safety, happiness and peace I feel within their walls- this past week also gave me an opportunity to reflect upon a different sensation I’ve often felt while being there, which is the feeling of being triggered.

To be clear, I’m turning 34 this year, and being triggered isn’t something new for me.

My life, and especially my childhood, has been filled with many traumatic moments- and my childhood wasn’t always stable or packed with love. My grandparents also, despite their best intentions, passed down a lot of limiting, sheltered and even toxic beliefs- most of which I am sure they are not even aware of.

I’ve worked hard in the last ten years to clear a lot of these beliefs, and heal a lot of these wounds. But I’m still human and I’m not immune to the way an environment holding ‘old energy’ can impact you- and this week? I really noticed it.

Life is hard.

My grandparents are 80 + 86 years old- and they are from a generation that struggled immensely to survive. From families of 5 and 13 children, they were taught from a very young age that food was hard to come by, you used every single scrap of what you had available, and that you were expected to work hard- no matter your age.

Scarcity wasn’t temporary, they absorbed it as part of their identity- something that they have yet been able to break away from, despite now having more than enough available to them for resources, food, and money.

Fast forward to the present, this shows up as in massive amounts of clutter in every space you look- from piles of old bread ties, to previously used tinfoil or ceran wrap, canned goods that expired years ago, or a fridge full of items well-past their prime that should have been tossed weeks or months ago.

It shows up in their inability to rest, to take care of themselves or take time off. They associate rest with laziness- and this is especially true for my grandma. She’s given every single piece of herself to everyone else her entire life, and she doesn’t know how to give to herself or say no.

Just this week, fresh out of surgery, she had a hard time ‘resting’. I had to kick her out of the kitchen multiple times and make her lay down, because she felt responsible for making meals for the family despite me being there to do all of that.

Finally, this also shows up in their beliefs about money- the ‘limited’ nature of it, how the only way to make money is to exchange your time for it, that people with lots of money are greedy, and how there will never be enough, no matter how hard you try.

In being home for a week- I saw these beliefs more clearly than I’ve ever seen them before. Which might possibly be because I’m in the process of rewriting my own personal relationship with money at this time. Either way, I felt it deeply in a lot of the conversations we had.

They don’t understand what it is that I do online or how I make money doing what I’m doing. They don’t get podcasting or writing as careers, and because it’s not physical, they can’t justify it as work. It’s hard to explain to them so I’ve previously felt myself getting frustrated or annoyed when I’ve spoken, and honestly… I hate that.

I know that my grandma is disappointed that I gave up nursing and would give anything to have me renew my license to keep practicing in the field. I used to think that this was a ‘control’ thing, but lately… I see it more clearly for what it actually is.

My grandma? She was a caregiver her whole entire life.

She had to care for her mom when she was just a child, and she was expected to run her household as the woman of the house when her mother was no longer able. She then married young, and had six children of her own. She never had the opportunity to have a career other than a caregiver, wife and mom- and she’s let it slip to me before that she would have loved to be a nurse.

So in a way, I guess you could say that she’s actually been unconsciously passing down her dreams and desires too- not just her beliefs and fears.

Family image.

Outside of the beliefs noted above, the other (and probably biggest) thing that I’ve been unpacking for years in therapy is this- our family? It’s actually quite toxic.

My family dynamic (including grandparents, kids, and grandkids) has a lot of narcissism, manipulation and control inside of it- most heavily associated with certain individuals. Thus, I learned from a young age that there was a hierarchy to how our family worked- and it was important that you fell into line, or else.

Good girls and women were to be seen and not heard. It was especially important that the outside world did not know any of your ‘business’ and what was happening inside of the family walls. In fact, to everyone else, you must appear perfect. Don’t speak up or out of turn, bite your tongue, do as you are expected to do.

Now, I’ve been hyperaware of how this has been showing up in my own life lately, and I’ve been working hard to release a lot of the ‘good girl’ persona that led me to become a chronic people-pleaser for most of my life.

But in my grandma, and in their home? I can feel it in how she speaks and the expectations she has for herself (and thus me) about the proper way to live your life. To her, it doesn’t matter what someone has done or how shitty of a person they are- you must forgive them and make space for them in your life.

Or my favourite… how you need to give everything that you have, everything that you are, to your spouse, children, boss- and if you’re lucky, there might be something left for you at the end of the day.

It’s heartbreaking, to say the least. And it makes me wonder how many others out there have been raised with the same unconscious expectations-

no wonder we’re all struggling to love ourselves.

Observe, not absorb.

For four days, every single conversation that I had with my grandparents stemmed through one of these unconscious beliefs or expectations.

It’s not a big deal when I’m there for an afternoon or a day- resetting afterwards is quick, and I’m able to hold onto my own beliefs quite easily.

But four days? Well, you’re constantly immersed in it- and everything that you say might possibly be met with a lack of understanding, some tension or a disagreement.

In the past, I would have either felt the frustration rise inside of me with each ‘trigger’, and I would have allowed that to consume me. I would have had to use my tools regularly, take frequent breaks to step outside and clear my mind- or, I would have tried to argue back about how I now see the world without their limitations.

But something was different this time… in how I showed up and the energy that I was able to meet this situation with. It was like I seen them and their perspectives more clearly than I ever have- and even though I don’t agree, I can understand and have empathy for the way that they see the world.

Truthfully, I don’t think that it was ever about control or with a purpose or intent to make me feel smaller, or ashamed. I truly think that their intentions might actually have been from a place of love- to keep me safe and protected in life.

Now this might sound backwards… but hear me out.

Our ego’s are the part of us that like to keep us safe, nestled inside of our cozy little comfort zones- and how we STAY safe, is by never venturing outside of those lines.

My grandparents have lived their entire lives one way. The way that they were taught, with the same rules, expectations and conditions I’ve outlined above. Their beliefs and fears were passed down to them from the generations before- and then were reinforced through their own lives and experiences.

They’ve never challenged that comfort zone or stepped over the line to see what might happen. They’ve allowed that subconscious path within their minds to become so well-beaten, it might as well be laid in concrete.

So… in their minds? There is no other way. They can’t see it, let alone believe it- and unfortunately, it’ll probably be that way until the day they die.

For some reason, this was the first time this understanding has clicked so deeply for me, despite having ‘known’ this for years.

I found myself recognizing the trigger zap through my nervous system like a lightening bolt every time something was said- only this time, it felt like it dissipated and disappeared almost instantly.

At times, I would gaze at my grandmother in awe and wonder. I felt like I could see and feel the pain she must have experienced in her life- the ways she was told no and believed no was the only answer.

The ways she was forced to shrink, to be silent, to barely survive- and my heart aches for her and the limitations she experienced in her life. I found myself sad for her and tearing up at the thought of what it must have been like to live, think and exist like that for 80 years.

But here’s the thing. At the same time? I also felt immense gratitude for my life.

Without realizing it myself, I’ve become a trail blazer for my family. The first to go to University, and then the first to choose something different for her life by walking away from that education.

The first to cut ties with toxic family members and the first to stand up for herself and put in boundaries. The first to decide she wanted more for her life and the first to do whatever she pleases, without looking for validation or permission from anyone else.

The truth is that I’ve been the outspoken one, the bold one, the black sheep. I’ve said and done the things that most can only dream of- and maybe even the things that they WOULDN’T dream of doing.

And when I look at it from that perspective? Well, dam- it’s kind of a flex to be triggered.

Because the truth is that I’m only feeling the way I’m feeling because of the path I’ve chosen, the growth I’ve made, and how far I have actually come in healing my old wounds and beliefs.

I wouldn’t be triggered if I was the same as my grandparents or my family. I wouldn’t notice the ‘sting’ of the questions they ask or the things they say- because I would have thought and spoken in the exact same way.

The fact that I am triggered by their words means that I have grown. It means that I’ve done something right, that I’ve worked on myself- and that I have healed (or am in the process of healing).

This shift in perspective was a beautiful game changer for me this week, and it really influenced the way that I showed up in every interaction that we had. I was able to set down a lot of my old frustrations and just be present with my grandparents, without a need or desire to change anything.

I was able to shift the conversation when I could, hear them speak when I couldn’t, and not take anything personally when it was shared.

The result was something I can’t quite put into words- but it was probably one of the most heart-centered, cup-filling visits I have ever had with them.

Because the truth is- you’ll never not be a healed you in an unhealed environment.

The more you work on yourself, the more you grow and expand, the more you release the limitations you currently have… the greater the gap you create between you and those who have not.

So instead of fighting those who haven’t had the strength or been brave enough to escape their own comfort zones- what if we could use this perspective to have a little more compassion?

What if we could allow ourselves to view each human being as a warrior fighting to break free of their own prison?

What if we could, for just a moment, put on the rose coloured glasses from which they see the world- and simply accept that it is different from our own without a need to change it?

Call me crazy, but I think we just might heal the world that way.

And it’s a perspective that I’m willing to fully get behind.

Here for the triggers,

Brianne xx

This here, is EPISODE TWO.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Embodiment Through Action.

In all the years of coaching that I did, one of my favourite core pillars to teach on was about identity and embodiment. Specifically, how we close the gap between who we are now- and who we most want to be.

Right now (if you’re like the rest of us) you likely see these two things as different, separate places. As if there is a long way to go or a lot of things that must ‘change’ in order for you to be who you want to be, and have all that you want to have.

And the truth is that this division isn’t nearly as big as you are making it out to be.

In fact… you can actually step into the identity of the person you want to be right now- in this very moment.

The future you? The one who has the things and does the things you dream about? She’s showing up in her life in a very specific way.

In how she speaks about herself. In how she prepares for the week ahead. In what she holds a priority. And in the things that she does and does not do.

Basically? She’s taking action in her life in a way that gets her results.

And you can step into her shoes and begin embodying those exact steps today, through the actions that you take and how YOU prepare for your week ahead.

Listen to the audio above, and let’s talk about how to do this through ‘love lists’.

Action Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. Have you been consciously embodying the future version of you through the actions you take- or is there a division between that and how you’re showing up right now?

Today’s action step is to complete a ‘Love List’ for the week ahead to outline your priorities, get organized, and plan for where your attention or energy will go.

Spend some time thinking about how the version of you who ‘has everything she wants’ is showing up in her own life. If that version of you was looking at her week ahead- what would she want to focus on? What tasks would she want to complete?

Create a love list by writing down all the things that you would LOVE to accomplish this week that would help you step into her shoes and achieve the goals that you desire.

Think about all areas of health, business or career, home or family, finances and more. It doesn’t matter what the task is- if you think it will support you in being your best self and is something that you want to do, write it down.

Once you have your list for the week completed, pop down to the comments below and share with us- what are you working on this week? What did today’s audio bring up for you, and what are you shifting energetically within yourself to embody HER?

I’ll catch you in the next episode.

You’re already her,

Brianne xx

This here, is EPISODE ONE.

Join us every Sunday for this weekly audio feature where we get obsessed with helping you create a life that is centered around you. It’s time to become self-FULL.

Believing In Your Worth

Where you are at in your life right now is a direct result of what you believe to be true about yourself- specifically, what you believe that you are worthy of.

The risks that you take, the choices that you make, the things you allow yourself to have or go after, are all influenced by what you believe is possible for you.

And this? This is the foundation behind all self work-

because we cannot truly make changes in our life unless we are willing and able to change this core belief about ourselves.

So today, we’re going to talk about the importance of believing in your worth- and why it is your job (and responsibility) to get behind this.

Reflection Time.

Take a few moments to sit with today’s audio and think about what this brought up for you. When you think about your own self-worth, how would you describe this?

Are there certain things that you’ve allowed yourself to go after because you believed you were worthy of them, versus things that you’ve struggled with because you did not?

Perhaps you are in a wonderful relationship because you believe that you’re worthy of love- but at the same time struggle with finances because being worthy of money doesn’t quite sit the same.

Spend a couple minutes thinking about all areas of your life as they are right now- and consider any changes you’d like to make moving forward to fully own your worth.

Feel free to journal these out on your own, or share them below with us in the comments so that we can talk about it!

Believing in your worth,

Brianne xx

In this meditation you will be guided to relax your body and let go of anything that is not serving you- before then going through a short visualization process …

Read more

Entering June 2026

There’s nothing like the start of a brand new month- especially when it lands on a Monday. Now, I don’t know about you, but to me when this happens, I feel like the stars have aligned in my favour and something extra special is on the horizon.

And this month? It feels exactly like that.

May was a whirlwind, and so much was happening in my life. It’s hard to believe that one month ago today I was sitting pool-side at our private villa in Bali, sipping cacao and skinny dipping in the rain.

Flash forward 30 days, and we’re now settled at home in Canada for the summer.

I’m not going to lie, it was definitely challenging to get back into a ‘routine’ after three months off- and jet lag hit me super hard this time. 14 hour time differences can really do that to a person, I guess.

Not to mention, we’ve been busy navigating moving, managing vehicle repairs, visiting family and friends- and my husband returning to work as well. Thus, only now, at the start of this brand new month, am I FINALLY feeling like I’m getting into a rhythm again.

So needless to say, today was spent preparing for the month ahead- and below I’m sharing the exact ways that I am currently resetting my energy, so that I can feel ready to crush my goals for June.

I hope that this Monthly Reset Ritual helps you feel inspired to do the same.

June’s Ritual

Here are the exact things that I did today on the first of the month to feel ready and prepared for the month ahead.

I recommend using this list to inspire your own actions- and remember, even if you can’t find time today, you can still use the week ahead to reset your energy. Yes- it will be just as effective even if it doesn’t fall on the first of the month. Trust me 😉

So with that being said, let’s dive in.

1. TIDY THE HOUSE- this goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyways. The physical environment that we live and operate in holds the same energy of the environment within us.

If you’re in a cluttered, disorganized and unhygienic space- what do you think the conditions of your mental, emotional and spiritual environment are? The same.

The first step of any monthly ritual should be cleaning up. Put away the clutter that’s piling up. Do the dishes. Fold the laundry. Dust the shelves. Organize your desk. Sweep the Floor. Take out the garbage.

Whatever needs to be done that you’ve been putting off- do it. You’ll feel SO much better afterwards when your space is clean and sparkling, believe me.

Can’t do it all in one day? That’s okay. Make a list and commit to scratching items off every day this week until it’s all done.

2. SMUDGE THE SPACE- listen, I’m a spiritual girlie, and I absolutely LOVE using palo santo to energetically cleanse my space and make it feel more sacred.

And the beginning of a month? It’s the perfect time to use it. Metaphorically (and literally) cleansing out the negative energy of the past month- making room for new energy moving forward.

I start in one end of my home and smudge top to bottom. Pro tip: make sure you leave a window open so that the old, stagnant energy has a place to escape and isn’t left hanging around you and your home.

It’s a good idea to smudge yourself too ;)

3. MAKE A LOVE LIST- my latest creation that has me excited to check things off, rather than dreading it. What is a love list you might ask? It’s a task list, framed as things I’d LOVE to get done for this month.

Simply write ‘love list’ at the top of a blank sheet of paper, and spend a few minutes sitting in silence thinking about the month ahead.

What would make you the most happy, excited, grateful and proud, if you were to get it done this month? Write down all of those tasks. Big, small- it doesn’t matter.

What does matter, is that when we reframe it as a ‘love list’ rather than a ‘task list’, not only does it seem more feasible to get it done- it also brings a sense of fun and pleasure into the actual process of completion.

I’ve been able to get so much more done since I switched to this little play-on-words, and I highly recommend it!

Ps. you can even go one step further and create weekly love lists. I personally do this every Sunday or Monday, and it makes such a difference in my week!

4. TAKE MYSELF ON A DATE- this can be literal, or metaphorical. Today it was metaphorical, but sometimes I actually do get dressed up and go out to a coffee shop on my own where I sip a fancy drink and get out of my comfort zone a little.

But today? I decided to make it fancy from home. I made a tea latte, put on my favourite music, lit a candle, and I spent some time celebrating me.

I thought about all the things I achieved in the last month, the blessings that I received, and where I am in relation to the ‘goals’ that I’ve been working on for this year.

I reflected, journaled it out, and day dreamed. I set big, bold goals for the month ahead- and I went back and added to my love list with anything relatable.

I make it feel special, like a way of honoring myself- because as great as it is to ‘achieve’ the goals, it’s just as important to pause and celebrate them when they happen.

5. ORGANIZE MY FILES- the last, and probably most effective step I took today, was to clean up my computer and organize all of my files. Over the course of a month, my downloads folder, desktop, etc. can all become overwhelmingly full.

And… I don’t always get to this step on the first of the month, which means that I can sometimes be tackling MONTHS of unorganized files. Like today.

I start by going through each folder one by one, deleting what I don’t need, and organizing what I do into detailed files. It usually takes me a little bit of time, but it is always worth it and makes a heck of a difference in the days or weeks that follow.

Today I even set up a Dropbox and created a new system for sharing promotional materials for my podcast- which added a whole new layer of ease and relief!

I highly recommend adding this step into your monthly ritual, especially if you work from home and/or a computer like I do!

Well, there you have it my friend. A monthly reset ritual to get June started off on the right track for yourself- so that you can call in everything your heart desires.

I’d love to know which of the above resonated the most with you for a ‘need to do’, and if you have any of your own monthly rituals that you do on the first of the month?

Share with us below, and let’s keep each other motivated this month!

Cheers to summer vibes,

Brianne xx

You’ve done it. You’ve arrived my friend- and I am so happy to welcome you here to this brand new section of the 30 Something Bible.

This here, is your LOVE NOTES.

A new, weekly audio feature where we can connect in a little bit of a deeper way, so that we can help you create a life that is centered around you. A life where you can effortlessly take care of yourself, where you love yourself deeply, and where everything you do is self-FULL (not selfish).

Why Love Notes?

Let’s be honest. If there’s one thing that we struggle with collectively as women (and human beings), it’s learning to put ourselves first. We’re often quick to deprioritize our own needs, swallow our desires, and bite our tongues out of fear of what people might think about us.

We show up as we’ve been told to. Polite. Quiet. Non-confrontational.

We think we’re doing the right thing by not rocking the boat and stifling our emotions. But in the long-term? We’ve literally rewired our brain and body with the belief that it is unsafe to be us. That we’re not worthy of what we want. That our needs don’t matter. And that we are required to sacrifice ourselves for the good of everyone else.

Now I don’t know about you… but I’ve lived my entire life operating like this, and it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere. I’ve held onto the relationships that were draining me a little too long, I’ve said yes to things that I didn’t want to do, I’ve poured into the cups of others when my own was depleted, and I’ve turned my back on my own desires out of a need to please others.

I’ve given. I’ve sacrificed. I’ve bent over backwards more times than I can count.

And you know what? Each and every time, I was left with a sour taste in my mouth, and a feeling of deep disappointment for the way I treated myself. I never ‘got ahead’ in any area of my life, and I certainly never gained more love, worth or respect from anyone in my life.

In fact, the more that I became ‘self-less’… the less of myself actually existed.

So what I essentially realized a couple of years ago (and what I’ve been making a priority in my life for the last year now), is that taking care of myself and becoming obsessed with myself and my life is not selfish.

It’s actually self-FULL. Because when my life is full, and when I am my most happy, my most grounded, my most centred- the more it ripples outward, and everything in my life is positively impacted as a result.

Let me say that again.

The more I focus on ‘me’, the more energy I have to pour into every area of my life.

Which means, right before my eyes, my relationships, my health, my marriage, my finances, and my business, are all rapidly improving. It all grows when I do.

And if this is possible for me… well, it means it’s possible for you too.

So, the Love Notes?

They have been designed with you in mind. Because I believe that one of the hardest parts of navigating your 30’s, is reprogramming what you’ve been taught about yourself and your existence in this world-

and I believe that the single-most beneficial thing that I can offer you, is teaching you how to love yourself more through my own realizations and experiences.

Here’s What To Expect:

Moving forward, I’ll be dropping into your inbox every Sunday with your weekly Love Note. This will include a bingeable audio recording that is 10 minutes in length or less, so that you can easily listen to these no matter what you find yourself doing.

The goal is to help you create a life that is centered around ‘you’, and our weekly topics will vary depending on what I’m noticing come up most frequently in the physical or online world, my own personal insights or reflections, or perhaps even what you’ve personally requested for me to include.

My desire is to help you begin to make changes in your life that help you deepen your connection to yourself, create more presence and slowness, bring pleasure and joy into every moment of every day- and of course, help you fall head-over-heels in love with every single part of yourself.

Finally, at the end of each audio recording, I will be including a reflection piece or action step for you to take forward with you into your week so that you can actually begin to see results in your own life.

This might be a journal prompt for you to answer on your own or in the comments below, a question for you to ask someone in your life, or an actual task for you to complete- like saying no to something or someone, putting in a boundary, or even buying yourself a small gift, like a fancy cup of coffee or a single flower.

The point is for you to take small (and relatively cost-free) steps towards romanticizing your life and becoming obsessed with yourself in all the best ways.

Because the truth is that no matter what your life looks like right now, you can get the results that you desire without needing to spend a lot of money or invest a lot of time.

You’re worthy of a self-full life, and you can get there a lot easier than you think.

So let’s go ahead and create some magic, shall we?

Reflection Time.

I’d love for you to take a moment to observe (without judgement or shame) where you find yourself right now in your life. What do your days currently look like?

Does your life feel full, centered around you, your desires, and your needs?

Do you feel worthy? Satisfied? Happy?

Is your life focused on pleasure, slowness, presence?

Are you upholding boundaries, saying no, letting go of anyone or anything that does not serve you?

This reflection is meant to be a general assessment of where you find yourself right now in this moment- and perhaps, where some changes might need to be made.

Dropping below into the comments, share with us and everyone else, what feels the most important for you in this area at this time? What would you like to talk about, to focus on, or to make changes around for the weeks or months ahead?

I’ll be using your feedback or suggestions to help cultivate the content for these Love Notes moving forward, so I encourage you to share deeply, honestly and fully.

Together we can create some really beautiful changes- and who knows? Maybe, just maybe, we can inspire some other women to take care of themselves too.

I’ll catch you in the next one,

Brianne xx

If you haven’t read Part One yet, check that out HERE.

The date is November 28th, 2023.

I’ve just put my team of 20 on a layoff after they haven’t been paid in five weeks. My bank accounts are frozen, I am overseas with no way to get home, Christmas is on the horizon and emotions like anger and fear are starting to spread amongst everyone.

We haven’t paid rent on our clinic spaces, payments for vendors are bouncing, doors are being locked, and late fees, interest and more are starting to stack up higher than can possibly be paid back.

It feels like the thick of it, but the truth is… it’s only the beginning, and things are about to get much, much worse.

Ps. If you’re interested in hearing the full tea on exactly what happened with my company crash, you can take a listen to this podcast episode I recorded a year ago: How To Recover From Your Biggest F*ck Ups

This was the start of a two-year journey that would lead to the inevitable crash of the company, career and identity that I’d spent the last ten years building. A crash that I was in no way prepared for, that nearly destroyed me, but yet, was one that I so desperately needed.

You see, when I talk about the old version of me (like in part one), where I refer to the limiting beliefs and fears that I held onto- you have to understand that while these were unconsciously present, they influenced every single moment of my life from the day that I was born.

There was a way that ‘old Brianne’ showed up- a way that is entirely different from now. A version of me that was so meek, so agreeable, and so destined to please- that I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted.

The career, business and identity that I had spent ten years building? It revolved around this and my previously noted mother-wound, which later was even further influenced by an oddly specific definition of success and freedom that I had learnt from all those dam manifestation books.

The gurus or influencers I watched and learned from in the years prior? They were all living life in a very similar way. They had things. Fancy bags, luxury cars, big houses.

But you know what else? They also had big businesses and impacts. They had large followings on social media, lots of employees or staff, and they were making a ‘splash’ in a very public way.

And so, it only made sense that if I wanted to be big, successful and live a life of my ‘dreams’, that I too should want these things, right?

I wanted what I seen, because that was all I thought was available to me. I only learned one definition of success, one definition of freedom… and it was impossible to dream of another.

This experience led to the creation of the ‘empire’ (or at least, that’s what I thought I was building)- a business that was so big and so bold, that it made a splash (and yes, I’m chuckling now at the irony of the splash it actually made).

Regardless, at the time I had thought to myself, “Could you imagine this big company, this huge team, all these clients? People around the world would know about my business. They would know MY name- and I’d be a sensation. How unbelievably cool would that be? Who wouldn’t want that?”

Well, as it unfortunately turns out- “I” very much did not want that.

You know what’s wild? Creating a business that requires you to manage people, when you really don’t like people. What’s even wilder? Creating a business that requires all of your time, when you’re looking for more time in your life.

What in the ever-loving-fuck was I thinking?

I say this comically, but it’s true. I’m a Scorpio, so by nature while I have a huge heart and ‘love’ people… I also want nothing to do with them. I don’t want to manage them. I don’t want to talk to them. And I most certainly don’t want to be responsible for them.

Not to mention, if you would have even asked me what our lifestyle was like and what our dream was- I would have told you continuing to live as we were. As minimalists, travelling the globe, enjoying life and getting to explore on our own time, in our own way.

I wanted a business that could provide this. I didn’t want to be tied to a computer screen, connecting to calls all day or being responsible for anyone’s success (staff or clients). I didn’t want to have to wake up to an alarm, I dreaded opening a group chat with 100 missed messages, and I resented having to deliver the packages or programs that I was selling.

The ultimate truth is that what I wanted was TIME freedom… I just didn’t know what that meant or that it was even an option because I didn’t see anyone else doing it.

So I tried to build the empire anyways.

In the six months that followed the layoff, I tried desperately to cling onto the company with everything that I had. I was really white-knuckling that bitch, praying for a miracle, and hoping no one would see the mess for what it really was (even though they totally did).

Thus, I continued to make poor decision after poor decision. I poured money into the wrong places, prioritized the wrong things, oversold more programs that I could effectively deliver, and tried to take on the work of 20 people by myself.

By the time May 2024 rolled around, I was holding everything together with Elmer’s glue and duct tape. Everywhere you looked there were dumpster fires- and everyone could see it. I really was acting like a fraud and imposter- lying to myself and others, pretending like I was going to figure it all out- when deep down inside of me, I knew there was no way out.

Around this time, I stumbled upon a spiritual life coach, who for what reason I do not know- offered to work with me based on an energetic exchange (since I didn’t have an dollar to my name at the time).

Truth be told, it’s a significant moment for me, because she helped me change my entire life around and see things from a ‘spiritual’ perspective that I never understood before.

I remember that first zoom call that I hopped on with her. I remember how withdrawn I was. How sunken, ashy and dull my appearance was- like all the lifeforce energy had drained out of my body. I was stressed, quiet, and so incredibly ashamed. She asked me to let her know where I was and what was coming up- and I let it all spill out onto the table.

She didn’t judge, she didn’t criticize, she didn’t even offer me advice.

Instead, she asked me a question on that very first call (which still haunts me in a beautiful way today), which was: “Do you really want this?”

Now I know the question was technically pointed towards the business, and at the time, I answered exactly as the old identity of Brianne would have been expected to by loudly exclaiming “OF COURSE I DO!”

Like, why wouldn’t I?! This was my career. What I went to school for. What I’ve spent the last ten years working towards. What I’ve poured tears, sweat and blood into. I have people counting on me. The world needs this. I could NEVER walk away from it.

But you know what I see now, sitting on the other side? The question wasn’t just about the business. It was about the life I was living. It was about who I was showing up as. What I was choosing for myself. The fears and the beliefs that I was holding onto.

It was about everything… I just didn’t see that at the time.

Needless to say, she didn’t push. I’m sure she chuckled under her breath because she knew the truth of what would ultimately dismantle over the remainder of that year following- but she met me where I was at.

Now it’s important at this point for me to acknowledge, when we began this ‘work’ together, I was very much your A-typical, hot-mess-express. My life? It was in complete shambles and chances are, you probably would have judged me harshly if you met me then (and that’s okay).

Looking back now (April of 2026) to that time (May of 2024)- I honestly can’t quite comprehend how I ended up so deep inside that cavern of depression and shame, but I sure as hell was there (and it’s hard not to have shame for the shame, if you know what I mean).

During this time, I was working 16+ hour days. I was waking up before the crack of dawn, phone instantly glued to my hand, with back-to-back calls all day, lucky if I crawled into bed by 11 pm. There were times when I would have 12-16 hours of calls in ONE DAY with clients.

Honestly, it probably goes without saying that wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating or moving my body. I wasn’t even taking breaks- not to grab a snack, not to have a glass of water, not even to use the washroom.

I was on red-alert. Trying desperately to deliver the materials I promised to clients (and failing miserably), while also obsessively checking social media to see (and delete) the stream of comments or messages that were coming in about me before anyone else ‘saw’.

I was always working. And if I wasn’t working… well, I was thinking about it anyway.

You know the saying “if I stop stirring the pot, the pot stops stirring?”- ya… I lived by that and believed it with every fiber of my being. I wasn’t just not present- I was completely checked out. In fact, the larger part of the last two years I was actually so disassociated that I have little to no memory still.

I was the epitome of stress. Covered in cystic acne, hair falling out, horrible digestion, wild mood swings, horrible PMS, struggling with insomnia, having routine panic attacks, and consistently wondering what life might be like if I just didn’t exist anymore- {because if I was gone, would they still hate me?}.

It was the lowest of lows, a place I truly don’t wish for anyone else to visit.

Now what is important for us to highlight at this point, is that I believed if I could just work a little bit harder, a little bit longer- I could somehow save it from all crashing down around me.

But the thing is… the harder I worked, the more I hustled, the more I sacrificed… the worse things got. I was ‘mind-setting’ so hard (believing that I could turn it around, wishing, praying, visualizing and using all those ‘tips’ for manifestation that I had learned in years previous)… but yet, literally nothing was happening in my favour.

Revenue streams were drying up, people were getting angrier, I was getting sicker, and more and more challenges were popping up in every area of my business and life.

It was as if the ‘blessing train’ was stuck at another station and I had hopped onto the ‘bad luck’ train by mistake. But I refused to give up because it didn’t just feel important- it felt like it was required.

Have you ever felt that way? An inability to let go, even when everything is screaming at you to just release your grip? I bet you have. Truthfully, in some ways, I believe this might happen each time we face an identity death- being scared of what is to come when all we see is darkness.

Either way, she knew. She could see the energy that I was operating from, how out of alignment I was from who I wanted to be and what I actually wanted to create for my life- even before I learnt that there was ‘something else’ out there. And she was about to teach me something that years of courses, books, and podcasts hadn’t been able to.

So for a year, we met on Zoom. The entire time we ‘worked’ together, I spent our calls talking. Sharing about what was coming up. What I was struggling with. The challenges I was facing. How completely out of control I felt and how scared I was of all the mistakes I was making. Basically, a ball of complete denial and victim-hood, all wrapped up into one.

But she never once told me what to do. She only asked me questions.

Questions that cut sharp and honestly most of the time pissed me the fuck off, because how could she even question that? But somehow… I’d always find myself coming back to what she asked and starting to question the narrative that I was telling (and selling) myself.

The truth is that she knew. She knew that I had the answers. She knew that I was ignoring my intuition. She knew that my body and soul were saying something completely different than my mind. She knew that I was out of energetic alignment. And she knew that I knew… even if I hadn’t admitted it yet.

But that admittance? That was the surrendering to the darkness that was required in order for me to let go, in order for me to come into alignment, in order for me to get everything that I actually desired- and THAT? That was scary as fuck.

That was admitting that the way I was operating wasn’t serving me.

That was admitting that what I was building wasn’t what I wanted.

That was admitting the problem was in fact, entirely me- and the only way forward was complete destruction of the life that I was living and everything that I knew to be true about myself.

And that admittance was a process that took the next year.

To be continued in Part Three.

Yep. I did it again. See you in the third, and final piece 😉

Setting fire to old beliefs,

Brianne xx

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Before we begin, it’s important to me to preface this with an honest-to-god truth.

This isn’t going to be your regular run of the mill hit-piece where I share how I went from ‘nothing’ to a million dollars in my bank account overnight. I’m not going to sugar-coat this or gate-keep what’s worked, and I sure as hell won’t be pretending I’ve got it all figured out… because I 100% do not.

BUT, what I can tell you is this-

Growing up I experienced a lot of trauma that I had no understanding of or guidance in for healing, and as a result- I became a woman who made some pretty terrible mistakes later on in life.

In 2023 I had a business (that employed over 20 people) that catastrophically crashed and burned… taking me and everyone else down with it.

Trust me when I say it’s not a cute rebound story (at least not yet), and there’s so much more to impact here that we unfortunately won’t be covering today.

However, what I ultimately want you to know is that the last three years of my life have been filled with pain, suffering, and a lot of regret. I filed bankruptcy, was attacked publicly for over 2 years, and even stalked online with multiple death-threats.

My nervous system was fried, I burnt through the entirety of our savings, assets, and even my husband’s pension- and I simultaneously was in the darkest depression period of my life (of which I’ve had many).

I lost everything and was at rock bottom- metaphorically, but also literally. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through that, let alone get to a place where I was thriving ever again. Yet- here I am.

Currently sitting poolside at our boutique hotel in Laos, 7 weeks into our 3 month travelling adventure. I walked away from my nursing license, hung up my 10-year coaching hat, haven’t ‘worked’ in over a year… and yet, somehow, the money keeps finding me. Opportunities keep finding me. Blessings keep finding me.

And while I may not be a millionaire (yet)- I am experiencing a richness that I haven’t ever felt before in my life. I’m working way less, playing way more, following what lights me up, ignoring every ‘strategy’, travelling without any financial guarantees or back ups- and it all just keeps working out for me.

I am living the life I used to dream about, the life of my ‘wildest dreams’, and I feel like I am currently living proof that you really can have it all.

So today I wanted to talk about what this has looked like. How over the last three years, I went from experiencing bankruptcy and failure, to living like this. How I’ve been able to rewrite the rules of life, get what I desire, and profit off of the energy of the ‘universe’ without some magic step-by-step process.

My goal is to ultimately share what’s worked, what hasn’t worked, and most importantly- help you cut through the noise so that you can start winning in life like this too. But you know, in your own way.

So let’s cut to the chase and dive in, shall we?

Ps. If you’re interested in hearing the full tea on exactly what happened with my company crash, you can take a listen to this podcast episode I recorded a year ago: How To Recover From Your Biggest F*ck Ups

Is it appropriate to have a second preface on the first draft? Just kidding.

Let me start by saying, I wasn’t always a ‘spiritual’ girlie. There was a time when I believed solely in the science, logic and realism that the world wants you to see.

I’m not actually sure where it started, but I’m guessing it was during the last ten years of my ‘conscious healing journey’, where I started to question what we’ve been taught.

Go to school, get a good job, work hard, make lots of money, retire and live well.

In theory, it sounds great. But in actuality, what I seen was people stressed, broke, and in debt, struggling to get by and grateful for a few days off a year- who repeated the cycle until they were sick, injured or dead.

Oy. Not much of a life, wouldn’t you agree?

And I recognized that- even if it was quietly hidden in the background of my mind to start. I knew that they weren’t really living. I knew that we’d been lied to. And I knew that somehow, someway… there was more out there for me.

So slowly, overtime, I began to learn about energy. How everything is made of energy, and how like attracts like. They called it manifestation and law of attraction- and despite every logical part of my brain telling me it was bullshit, I got real curious.

Between 2015 to 2023 I dabbled. I read the books, I followed the gurus, I took the courses. I learned the language, practiced the rituals, followed the advice step-by-step.

I thought I understood what it meant, and I thought I had learned all there was to know. Which, in case you’re gaslighting yourself like I was- please understand that if you ever think you know ‘everything’ about a subject, you’re sadly mistaken.

Either way, I was ultimately on the road to building a business with what I’ll say was entirely the wrong energy. I thought that mindset was what mattered- because you know, that’s what they talked about- but as it turns out, it was my deep-seeded and unresolved wounds that were running the show.

Unbeknownst to me, I was struggling with a boat-load of limiting beliefs and paralyzing fears that would only become apparent following the crash… and boy, oh, boy, did they become apparent.

These included, but were not limited to:

• the fear of failure

• the fear of being judged

• the fear of not being liked

• the fear of disappointing others

• the fear of people having bad things to say about me

• a need to please everyone

• an inability to face conflict

• never speaking up for myself

• a need to prove myself

• a need for validation and approval

• an inability to face my own darkness within

• wanting to be seen as a good girl

• and so much more.

In fact, as I would later find out, the majority of these wounds were instilled in childhood as a result of having a mother who was incapable of love without conditions or exchange.

The truth is that I had a gaping mother-wound the size of my fist inside of my heart… and I had zero idea that this would be the main driving energetic force behind the creation and ‘running’ of my business (if you can call it that).

A need to prove myself, to say ‘look at me and what I was able to do’, to show her just how much she was missing out on by not loving me.

(For context, I have been ‘disowned’ from my mother since 2013, a story I will surely write about soon).

Needless to say, this energy was running ramped throughout my body- fears, beliefs and unresolved emotions pocketed so deep down inside that I didn’t even know they were there. But you know what? The universe sure did.

Because when it comes to energy, you simply cannot fake it ‘til you make it. You can’t mindset your way around it or think ‘positively’ enough to bypass it. It doesn’t matter how many vision boards you have, how much you think about your dreams, or how much you connect with the future ‘you’ who has it all.

Manifestation and law of attraction? It’s built 100% on CURRENT energy- and I was making every choice for my business based on basically the exact wrong-kind. Go me!

When I realized this, suddenly everything began to click into place, and somewhat unexpectedly… I became a full-fledged spiritual girlie on a mission to rewrite space and time. For dramatic effects, shall we call it “one with the Universe”? (lol).

I kid, but in all seriousness, in that exact moment, I became a complete believer in the very thing I was trying so hard to ‘convince’ my logical-self of for so many years: there was more out there for me, AND there was an easier way to get it.

Now I’m gonna stop us here for a little reflection moment, because as I described in the preface section above- the last few years of my life were absolute hell. I experienced greater pain and discomfort during this time than anything else I’d ever went through before (and fuck, I’ve lived through a lot).

So here me when I say: the ‘easier way to get it’, and the ‘life I’m living now’, are a direct result of the hard, uncomfortable, and sometimes dark AF work that I put in during this time.

Unlike what a lot of manifestation experts and gurus want to tell you- the journey to the greener grass is not all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, I would absolutely argue that it’s actually dreadfully painful because parts of you (of your identity) are actually dying and being rebirthed in real time.

And sure, there will be glimmers and glimpses of beautiful things- but usually? They are buried deep within the hellscape and you can only see them after you’ve lost ten pounds of water-weight from crying so dam hard.

Simply put, if you want to change your life, then you have to put in the work.

You have to surrender into your own internal darkness and be willing to sit with every single thing that comes up. You have to hold up the mirrors and acknowledge that the things appearing in your life are a direct result of your own energetic state.

You have to admit that the problem is, and has always been, you.

Because when (and only when) you’ve been able to do that, will you be able to actually change your life and get what you want. And if you don’t- you’ll continue being stuck in the void, hitting the glass ceiling, and wondering why everyone else is seeing growth but you are not.

It’s hard to hear, it’s not glamourous or aesthetic, and it’s definitely going to trigger a lot of you- but it’s the truth. And it does work.

So let’s talk about exactly what that looked like for me.

To be continued in Part Two.

I know, I know. I had to. See you in the next piece 😉

Illuminating the BS,

Brianne xx

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It’s been two months since I started this Substack publication.

When I created it and began posting, it was fully my intention to publish musings weekly. I hit the ground running, excited and ready- or at least, so I thought.

My heart was fully invested. But as it turns out, my head… not so much.

The truth is that I’ve had so much to say. I’ve been bursting at the seams with words ready to be typed out- and yet, I’ve felt frozen.

I’ve spent much of the last month staring at a blank page here wondering where to begin, what to say, how to share the true weight of what hangs on my heart and my mind.

Have you ever been here? That sticky in-between place where something feels so right (like you’ve finally found ‘it’) and yet, you’re also paralyzed with fear, unable to move?

That’s where I am right now. The goo. The caterpillar that built the chrysalis and surrendered to the darkness- with no idea what is coming next.

From the moment that I started this Substack publication, I could feel my ego start to get anxious. The imposter syndrome began to creep in and I found myself thinking every single day… what could I possibly have to share that anyone would want to read?

I’ve felt like a fraud without writing a single word down- and hilariously (or ironically) enough… my publication has been growing massively despite all of this (which ultimately has only continued to contribute to my fear of showing up).

I was sure that I’d stay paralyzed here, trapped within the invisible walls of my own comfort zone forever- until today when it finally clicked.

For the past six years I’ve been actively working on rewriting the rules of life and dismantling the boxes that society demands we check.

It’s been scary, and in a lot of ways, destabilizing. I’ve disrupted the very systems that were built to keep us stuck. I’ve coloured outside the lines of where we’re meant to stay. I’ve questioned and stepped back when we’re expected to go all in.

And the truth is that in doing so, the ground I stand on has gotten shaky time and time again. Whenever I took a step outside my comfort zone, there was a paralyzation that also occurred shortly afterwards.

A questioning of ‘what have I done?’.

A fear of what people might think.

A pause where my ego screamed ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’.

Each time it was dark and uncomfortable, and at its worst… it even felt like death (because duh, a part of my belief system was actually dying).

But eventually? I did make it through.

I did reach the point where things got easier, I emerged from the goo, and something really beautiful happened. The darkness didn’t last forever- and in a lot of ways, I can see how it was actually necessary in getting to where I wanted to be.

So today, when I finally stopped and looked back on all of that… I realized that what I’m going through right now is no different than what has consistently occurred throughout the last six years.

I’m in the continued process of escaping the shackles of societal expectations- just in a slightly different way (and I guess I’m okay with that).

Right now I’m actively building a life that is based on freedom, joy, peace and purpose. I’m choosing to ignore the ‘strategy’ or the ‘rules’ that tend to come with ‘business’, and I’m doing all of this on my own terms, unapologetically.

For the first time in my life I am doing something for ‘me’- and I’d be lying if I said that this isn’t a huge step outside of my comfort zone (because it is). So of course it requires dismantling of more systems and a leap into uncertainty.

I have to be okay with the ground being shaky and the darkness being present… because I’m in the goo and I’m still figuring all of this out.

I don’t know what to expect, but what I do know is that I can decide which rules I follow moving forward. And what I’ve decided for myself today is this:

• My writing doesn’t have to be curated or fit into a box.

• I don’t have to follow an imaginary schedule or timeline.

• AND it can come from what I truly want to write about.

Because the honest-to-god truth of it all is that the shackles of societal expectations run much deeper than we could ever imagine them to-

and if we’re not careful, we might just find ourselves stuck in a different way, believing that we are free.

Here’s to facing the fear and choosing more,

Brianne xx

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I used to believe that whatever I wanted to do in this lifetime, I could.

In early childhood, back before I knew the ‘rules’ of the world- I had felt carefree and limitless. When I think back to this time of my life, I remember having this spark inside of me (something that feels almost unexplainable now), where I truly believed that life was beautiful and filled with endless possibilities.

But somewhere along the road to adulthood, I lost that.

Between the trials and tribulations of life and the powerful conditioning of our society, it became engrained in me that I must follow along to be accepted.

So following along is what I learned to do- and dam, was I good at it.

Truth be told, my entire life I dreamed of being a writer. I dabbled in childhood and adolescent years with many forms. I wrote family ‘newsletters’, had a few poems published, and I even wrote a ‘choose your own ending’ mini-novel for my grade 9 science project (which I got an A+ in, btw). I loved writing, and I envisioned a future where I did ‘it’ full time.

But that career? I was made to believe it was for those with their heads in the clouds.

Say good-bye to safety, financial abundance or stability of any form with that wish. You couldn’t possibly make a career out of something you liked or loved to do- you needed to be smarter than that and do something that would pay the bills.

Become a nurse, they said. Be the first in the family to attend University, they said. It’ll be a good, stable career- and you’ll make lots of money, they said.

So I did. I became a nurse and at the same time, I became fooled by the promises of the ‘good life’- you know, the one that working hard would give you.

Where you show up to a job you hate to please people you don’t care about-

Where you have to ask permission to use the bathroom, take a break or time to grieve-

Where you ultimately bite your tongue, hold back your voice, and slowly over time become a version of yourself you don’t even recognize-

…all so you can earn a buck and be grateful for a few days off a year.

I believed it all, and I lived it all. For years.

And sure, nursing was a “good” career by societal standards. But yet one thing that remained true throughout despite all of that- was the fact that it was just a job. A means to an end. Not something I loved or even liked… just something I did.

And I hated every fucking second of it.

Deep down, I always knew that there was more out there for me.

And right now? I’m finally living proof of that. Here I sit, pen in hand (draft version, you know), words flowing on paper, as I make my way to Thailand by air.

In the last few years I’ve walked away from everything in my life to start fresh. A clean slate that began with selling everything we owned including our house in 2021, and becoming non-residents of the country we were born and raised in (bye bye, Canada).

We began travelling six months a year, looking for our forever home. A journey that started with a simple question of how can I create a life I actually want- and not just the one I’m told to want.

Since then, I’ve walked away from businesses, financial security, let go of my nursing license, and even stopped coaching (a title I held for 10 years). Slowly, an unraveling began to happen, and I simultaneously let go of people, beliefs, and old ways of being too.

It’s been during these years that the ‘rules’ of this world have become crystal clear- and for the first time in my life… I’ve stopped following along. I now see the programming and conditioning in real-time, and I just can’t get behind it anymore.

There is so much more available to us out there then we can even see. More beyond the hustle and grind. More beyond the white picket fence and ‘American’ dream. More beyond the rules.

We don’t have to check the boxes society tells us too.

We don’t have to subscribe to a 9-5 job.

We don’t have to do as others are doing.

We can build a slower, softer life. One disconnected from technology and instead deeply connected to each other, to our purpose, and to enjoying the present moment.

So now? Here I am. Flying to a country (or continent, rather) with no intentions other than to rest, explore, eat good food and write. No timelines, no pressure, no schedule.

I guess you could say I’ve got my head up in the clouds… 😅

For the first time in my entire life, I’m living a life of freedom- and I plan to document every step along the way. Not the type of curated travel content of ‘why you must travel here’… but a real, behind-the-scenes look of what we’re doing.

In this space I’ll be sharing what it’s really like to be a ‘minimalist’, how to travel bougie on a budget (because you will literally never catch me ‘backpacking’ or staying in a hostel), and what it really means to live abroad as an ‘expat’- including the joys AND the sacrifices.

So if this is your jam, then hi, hello, welcome.

Thank you for being here, for following along, and for subscribing to my page. I hope that my words and this inside-look to our lifestyle brings you courage to step out and do something wildly unorthodox in your own life.

Because you deserve a life worth living-

and who knows… maybe you’ll end up with your head in the clouds too.

Gracefully unsubscribing,

Brianne xx

Be a good little girl.

Growing up there was an unspoken rule that good little girls should be seen and not heard. Be quiet. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t talk back. Don’t ask questions. Always do what you’re told. And for god’s sake- do NOT talk about your problems to anyone outside the home.

Your life should appear perfect. It doesn’t matter if it actually is- all that matters is what other people see and believe about you. Because if someone doesn’t like you, if someone has something bad to say about you, or worse, if someone knows the bad things you’ve done-

the whole world will crash and burn.

Yikes. Heavy stuff, am I right? 😅 I learned pretty quickly that it wasn’t safe to speak up, use my voice or follow my heart… which meant that people-pleasing also became my bread-and-butter.

I learned how to show up as others needed or expected me to. Honestly I thought I was really good at reading energy, but as it turns out, I was just really good at surveying situations to figure out who I needed to show up as in order to feel safe.

I was your chronic yes-girl. You need me to listen and be your shoulder? I’m all ears. You need me to do something for you to make your life easier? Let me clear my calendar. You’re not happy with how I’m showing up? Let me bend over backwards and apologize ten-ways-to-Sunday so that you forgive me.

No wasn’t in my vocabulary. I over-poured, over-gave, and over-committed for most of my life- and the most embarrassing part? I’m only really seeing it now for the first time in my life at the age of 33.

An entire lifetime spent masking, shrinking, and giving all of my energy away.

I’m done with all of it.

Learning to speak up.

I’d love to give you some magical, inspirational story of how I woke up one day and suddenly the power to express myself and my needs just came pouring out-

but the truth is it was hard as fucking hell.

It didn’t happen suddenly. It took a solid two years of consistent, uncomfortable effort. Two years of learning how to say no and stand up for myself. Two years of my ego screaming at me “what the hell are you doing”- and me continuing forward anyways into what honestly felt like death.

In a way, it was a death I guess. An ego death- where I was stepping out of a comfort zone of all I had known for my entire life, and instead stepping into the unknown of what ‘could be’.

It was the process of actively rewriting old patterns, conditioning and programming- one small step at a time. And a small step it certainly was, at first!

Truthfully? You do not go from 30 years of hardcore people-pleasing to suddenly screaming no into the abyss and flipping people off. It just doesn’t happen that way- or at least, it just didn’t happen that way for me.

It was gradual, and I had to learn not just how to say no- but how to say no without:

• apologizing

• feeling bad/guilty

• giving an excuse or reason

• overexplaining why

• overthinking all the ways it could be seen as bad

• compromising

It was a learning curve. I started with really small things like saying what I wanted for dinner rather than an ‘I don’t know’ or ‘you choose’.

I began to speak my mind, say what I needed, ask for more (god forbid), and remove anything from my calendar that didn’t light me the fuck up.

In the beginning, this looked like me saying ‘I’ll get back to you’, ‘I’ll think about it’, ‘I’ll take a rain check’… to now saying things like ‘no thank you’, ‘that doesn’t feel in alignment’, ‘I’ll have to pass’, or ‘I appreciate you thinking of me but I’m just not interested’.

I had to learn to take the reasoning, the explaining, the emotion out of it all- and just be blunt, honest and upfront (which let’s be honest, as a Scorpio, that’s my true identity anyways). This doesn’t mean being unkind. But it does mean being direct.

There’s no beating around the bush. There’s no pretending or faking. There’s no ‘softening’ or ‘cushioning’ the delivery just so I don’t hurt someone’s feelings.

There’s just honesty about where I’m at and what I want- and a commitment to living in alignment with myself no matter what. And funny thing is, surprise, surprise… the whole world didn’t crash and burn when I started to do this either (go figure 🙄).

In fact, eventually what I realized was this:

I matter + I get to exist.

I have zero responsibility for anyone else’s emotional status other than my own.

My life is for me to live.

Being ‘spiritual’ and ‘healed’ actually means being raw, authentic and messy.

It’s safe to say no and stand up for myself.

The more doors I close that aren’t in alignment, the more that open that are.

Facing conflict is healthier than running from it.

Not everything requires a response.

And finally… if it’s not a ‘fuck yes’ then it’s a fuck no.

The consequences.

Starting slow helped me expand my capacity, stretch my comfort zone, and get my ego comfortable with a whole new way of acting, being and living.

In the last six months, I’ve noticed this even more deeply- and I’ve started to really pay attention to how I’m showing up in my life. You know, where I’m pouring my energy. Where I’m spending my time. What (or who) I’m prioritizing.

And while it has been incredible to witness the changes in my life in such a short amount of time… I also wasn’t prepared for the consequences that this would lead too.

Therefore, to help you feel most prepared in your journey to speaking up more- or to assure you that you are not alone if you currently find yourself in this space too- I’ve compiled a list of the top five things unleashing my voice has inevitably led to.

Let’s explore these together, shall we?

1. Your relationships will change.

I felt like this had to be the first thing I talked about, because honestly? It’s the most uncomfortable thing I’m noticing of where I’m at right now. Friendships in my life are changing- and I’m not sure how I feel about it quite yet.

The truth is that I’ve had a lot of ‘phases’ in my life as I’ve learned how to heal my trauma and move forward- and I’ve outgrown a lot of different people throughout the years. Part of this may just be the normal seasons of life, but I think part of that is also me learning how to speak up for myself. That part feels especially true right now.

In the years leading up until now, I’d classify myself as the giver. I liked to show up, pour into empty cups, raise people up and be their ‘everything’. I never asked for much, never spoke up when things bothered me, and never expected anyone to be there for me.

I quite literally, programmed my adult friendships to match my childhood teachings.

Show up, give everything, say nothing, be grateful for what is returned to you (even if it’s crumbs)- and ALWAYS take responsibility for the emotional climate of those around you.

Ugh. 😒 Does that resonate with you? Not surprisingly, most of us as women have been conditioned to show up this way in our lives and it’s something very few learn to overcome.

The truth is that when I started to really use my voice in the last 6-12 months, my relationships were the first things to change and shift. Things have been getting and continue to be uncomfy. Why? Well, because I’m not over-apologizing, over-explaining or over-giving like I used to.

I’m showing up different, and other people can feel it.

I’m not chasing people down for get togethers. I’m not messaging a million times when I don’t hear back. I’m speaking up when something bothers me. I’m not beating around the bush pretending I feel different than I do-

I’m being honest, direct, and matching energy received with energy given.

Not out of spite. Not negatively. Just a heart-centered return of what comes in going back out- and honestly… it feels fucking good.

For the first time in a long time my cup feels fuller, and I don’t feel like I’m chasing validation or ‘enoughness’ in anyone outside of myself. It’s an incredible place to be at- but not everyone feels that way.

Friendships are thus, changing. Communication is slowing down. Distance is being created. Some people are being outgrown, and others? We’re learning how to evolve our friendships with these new boundaries and expectations in place.

My circle feels small right now, and maybe that’s not a bad thing.

But one thing I do know for sure is that I want to create space in my life for more people who are on the same wavelength and are taking responsibility for the way they show up in their relationships.

2. The things that used to light you up, won’t.

When someone gets accustomed to wearing a mask their whole life- it can be really hard to know what is ‘real’ and what is learned. Passions or interests therefore, can also become a part of this confusing equation.

For 30 years, I was really good at fitting in boxes. Showing up as I believed a person or situation required me to. I was a real-life shape shifter fueled by external expectations… and I was damn good at it.

In the last few years, as the masks started to fade and I started to figure out who I really am, I suddenly was faced with a harsh reality:

A lot of what I ‘thought’ I enjoyed in life… I actually didn’t. Like:

• Getting drunk every single weekend and waking up with a hangover? No thanks.

• Consistently being relied on by people like clients and employees? Hard pass.

• Being glued to social media and tv shows because of FOMO? Not as much.

• Working my life away for the ‘American Dream’? Hell. Fucking. No.

Turns out, these things and more were just another way of me doing what I thought I should do or what I was told to do. Ways of fitting in, following societal norms, doing what’s ‘right’.

Unleashing my voice and speaking up meant that I had to come into alignment with who I was and what I really wanted in life. And THAT meant that I could no longer pretend that what I was doing in my life was fulfilling.

Since then, I’ve taken a full step-back from the hustle-culture mentality. I’ve started rewriting what my life looks like without fear of what others will think or say about me. I’ve let go of habits, behaviours, careers, hobbies, and more. A lot without a replacement or backup plan, just simply letting them go because they didn’t feel right.

And while it’s been incredibly freeing- I’d also be lying if I said it was easy because the truth is, this was just as hard and uncomfortable as the relationships in my life changing. When you begin to outgrow old passions, it can also feel like you’re losing a part of yourself (which you kind of are- your old identity, that is).

But in doing so? I’ve found the things that actually do light me up and make me feel fucking good. I’ve created space to try new things, play, experiment, and get curious.

I’ve found a new career (hello writing) that feels natural and easy. I’ve created new habits that support the way I want to feel and live. And I’ve unsubscribed from anything impacting my freedom, happiness or peace.

It’s a consequence, but a good one ultimately. Because you can’t expect change unless something changes. And if you want something new, you need to let go of something old.

An exchange (or upgrade) of energy, if you will.

3. Energy will be matched and mirrored.

This is one of those things where I feel like I need to preface this by saying ‘your intention matters’- both in the giving and the receiving. Because you can do whatever you want in this lifetime, and it can have two very different results (positive or negative).

It’s all just based on the energy and vibration you’re holding within it.

For me, I’m making a conscious choice to match and mirror energy in my life this year. But this choice, as I outlined above, is not done out of spite or negatively. I’m not harbouring ‘bad energy’ in my energetic response. I’m just living my life in the way that I want to live it, and pouring into the places that feel like an equal exchange of energy.

In the beginning of the ‘unleashing my voice’ journey, I do believe that this consequence was mainly an unconscious one done without much thought. As I started to come back into alignment with me, I started to pull back from anything that didn’t feel good.

But being on the ‘other side’ now, where I can consciously recognize the actions I am taking as I take them, I know that I am making the active choice to pour where it feels good to pour.

For an example, in my relationships, I am choosing to match and mirror the energy that’s being given- in communication times, in invitations, in scheduling get togethers, all of it. I choose to show up in the way that others are showing up because for a long time I overpoured here and it’s left me with giving more than I’m receiving.

I don’t desire to be the one chasing down others, holding space in my calendar for get togethers that never happen, or not hearing back from messages I send.

I deeply value communication and connection- but when that energy is not returned, it feels like there’s a hole in the bucket I am pouring into. I keep pouring and pouring, but that energy is leaking, draining me, and not resulting in anything useful.

So, naturally, choosing to preserve that energy means that I have more to give to other areas of my life- areas that will result in a bigger ROI for this current stage of life.

The same can be said for areas like business. I’m stepping into my ‘cunty era’. The era where I dream bigger, do better, and attract more. I have big visions for myself, and the people or opportunities I welcome in, must match this energy.

If an opportunity to work with someone pops up but they aren’t responding in a reasonable time or don’t seem to be prioritizing the connection, I’ll move on. If someone applies to be on my podcast but doesn’t take the time to fill out the application form with much detail, I’ll skip over them.

I desire deeper, bolder, more heart-centered connections. I want to pour into places where my energy expands and returns 10x. I will not chase, beg or plead for anything in my life anymore- and that feels wildly expansive.

But coming back to that preface, you need to acknowledge that this is VERY different than mirroring energy from a petty, spiteful, negative place. When you ‘retract’ your energy for malicious reasons, you are inviting that very same energy back to you. 10/10 do not recommend as this will always leave you feeling emptier in the end.

Instead, you want to choose yourself and pour into the places that honour that. Leading with love will always result in more love for yourself in your life.

4. People will be triggered by you.

If points 1 & 3 didn’t sum it up enough for you, let’s dive in a little deeper (lol).

For starters, it’s important that I note right off the bat as I said that I am a Scorpio. Whether or not you believe in astrology- we really do be like that 😅.

I am a master at mirroring, I can see right through you, and your energy is the first thing I see/feel when you’re in my orbit. Vibes are everything for me. And while ‘reading and assessing’ the energy of others used to be a quiet, reserved and oftentimes repressed thing I did- since unleashing my voice it is quite literally the opposite.

I see everything. I feel everything. And you can’t bullshit me. I know from the moment you enter my energetic space (in person or ‘online’) what mood you’re in, whether or not you ‘like’ me, and if you’re telling the truth.

And I 100% match vibes with vibes.

I will match and mirror the energy that I am receiving in every conversation. I’ll start out kind, patient, and understanding always. I have a humungous heart and I wear it on my sleeve. I love being a good person and I’ll be the first to hold a door open for a stranger or offer assistance to someone in need.

But, when my kindness or openness is met with hostility, coldness or someone tries to take advantage of it- look out. I’ll match your energy and mirror back to you exactly what you’re dishing out. Like I’m not an asshole- but I will face the situation head on, address boundaries and stand up for myself.

And the truth? People don’t like that.

They don’t like to be challenged or have their behaviours or actions reflected back to them. Especially when they are not consciously aware of their own emotions or energetic state- because when this happens, they feel like they are being attacked. When in reality, it’s just their own beliefs, feelings, and thoughts being mirrored back to them.

I used to be scared of being a trigger to other people. I used to walk on eggshells, hoping I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings or ‘make them feel badly’. But what I realize now is that emotional intelligence means taking responsibility for how you feel, always. But it is NOT taking responsibility for anyone else’s emotional climate.

No one makes you feel any certain way. Every emotional state you find yourself in is of your own creation. When you get mad, sad, frustrated or annoyed- you’re feeling this because of your own thoughts, beliefs and life experiences up until this point.

Thus, triggering people or being triggered yourself is actually a really beautiful thing, because it shows us exactly where we are not free. Unleashing my voice has given me the power to see the areas I am not free and take responsibility for them- and it has also given me the power to stop taking responsibility for anyone else.

5. Your calendar will get quiet.

There was a time, not so long ago, where my calendar was my pride and joy. I would show it off and exclaim, “look how busy I am”, “look at how many calls I have”, “look at all the things I’m doing”.

My days, weeks, months and years would be packed with one thing after the next. I’d say it’s exactly what I wanted- that I ‘thrived’ on being busy. That I loved it.

But the honest-to-god truth of it all? My calendar was packed with shit I had zero desire in doing. It was fluff. Superficial. A show of ‘look at me and how important I am’. It was for the validation and approval of others- to please, to give, to pour.

I’d continuously scramble and stress to get it all done, whilst also wishing secretly (and out loud) for more hours in a day. No part of that felt good- no matter how hard I tried to gaslight myself into thinking it did.

So once I started to make my way back to ‘me’… I began to slowly recognize all the things that I was committing to that just didn’t make sense. The outings I dreaded. The events that drained me. The coffee dates with people I’d rather stab myself in the eye than see.

I said I wanted freedom, but my calendar was packed to the brim with no time off. Talk about irony.

I decided right then and there that I was no longer going to live like that- and I slowly began to decline invitations to things that just didn’t feel good.

Slowly, overtime, my calendar quieted.

At first it felt wrong and like I was maybe missing out on certain things- but eventually? Now? It feels like a breath of fresh air.

I have more white space than anything else. Complete time freedom. The ability to choose what I do and when I do it. And the best part? The things that are making their way onto my calendar are the things that I actually want to do.

My energy and time are being maximized- and instead of showing up feeling resentful for the plans I made- I am showing up feeling energized, engaged and excited.

So while my calendar might be quieter, it is fully in alignment, and probably one of the best ‘consequences’ that actually happened as a result of using my voice more.

There you have it, my friends.

This list, while not fully inclusive of all the consequences using your voice can bring, is a direct representation of my journey to expressing myself more over the last few years.

These things might seem scary, and while at times, they are- they are also some of the most freeing steps you can take towards getting in alignment with yourself and actually living your life for you.

I hope that some of the items I’ve shared today resonated with you, and I’d love to connect below with you in the chat about the consequences you’ve noticed in your life from using your voice.

Here’s to our thirties and the changes it brings. Thanks for reading.

Screaming no into the abyss,

Brianne

Welcome to the Shit Show.

Suddenly it happened- one day you opened your eyes and found yourself in your thirties staring at your reflection wondering how it happened.

Life felt pretty good for a while, maybe even easy. It felt like you had it all figured out.

And then, seemingly overnight, things began to unravel. Slowly at first- but unravelling all the same.

You started to feel different, like you didn’t quite fit. In certain boxes, with certain people, in certain environments- and you thought, maybe there’s something wrong with me?

But truthfully, there was never anything wrong with you- and deep down inside, you know it. The gaps you’re feeling were always there… you’re just really seeing them now for the first time.

This? This is your thirties.

The messy, sticky, chaotic years where you begin to heal and see the world for what it really is- not what you were programmed to see.

Where you stop carrying around the mask you’ve always worn, so that you can discover who you were truly meant to be.

And where you stop shrinking, apologizing, and pleasing just to keep the peace- because life is too fucking short to give a dam.

This is your thirties. Welcome home.

The Bible.

I don’t know about you, but the word ‘bible’ used to leave a foul taste in my mouth. Growing up, I was raised by a family that preached Christian values… only to watch them lie, cheat and steal their way through life.

Hypocritical, to say the least.

So when I was thinking of names for this new creative outlet of mine, I played around with a lot before I settled on THAT word. Because truthfully? I’m not religious and I didn’t want myself or any part of what I’m doing associated with that.

But, I think it’s time for a new spin on it- and if I’m being hella honest… the word ‘diary’ just wasn’t gong to cut it. It had me flashing back to the awkward years of 2000-2005. No thank you!

So here we are, The 30’ Something Bible.

Why now? Why this Substack? Why me?

Well, I’m not sure I have an answer for you other than this felt right in everyway imaginable. I’ve been through the ringer when it comes to hardships in life- and I’ve spent the last 10+ years rewriting more wounds than most people could even comprehend.

The big capital T truth is that for most of my life, I’ve wanted to be a writer.

Actually, make that my whole life.

But between the pressure of my family to become a nurse (first to attend University), and my doubts about my abilities (who would even want to read what ‘I’ wrote?!), it just didn’t seem like a feasible option. Cue the redirect from the Universe.

Things got messy.

I entered my thirties as most do, excited for the decade ahead thinking I was really going to make something of myself and my life-

totally oblivious to the baggage I was carrying around with me.

I was building a business I believed could change the world- taking a small step away from nursing towards the world of possibility.

Subconsciously, this was the beginning of the division. The division between who I had been for the first thirty years of my life… and who I was meant to become for the remainder.

I didn’t see it, but I wish I did. Because what happened next was painful- not like the ‘I stepped on a Lego’ kind, but the real deep, heart-wrenching kind of pain.

My business? It was built on popcorn farts and fairy dust. A massive expansion taken much too quickly, fueled by deep-seeded wounds of unworthiness, people pleasing, validation and fear.

And while it started out hopeful, within a few short months it crumbled- leaving my husband and I in financial ruin (hello bankruptcy), and creating an angry mob of hurt people who wanted nothing more than to direct their pain to the source.

The shame was one thing, the stress was another.

My nervous system got wrenched backwards into a state of PTSD unlike anything I’d ever experienced before… and I fell, hard. Isolated, disassociated, and more sick than I’d ever been in my life.

Walking into a grocery store, I’d have a full on system-meltdown that I might run into someone who hated me- and every time I opened my phone I feared I’d once again see hundreds of angry comments or anonymous emails threatening my life.

For a while, I felt broken. It’s taken me nearly two years to heal from that experience- and in ways I’m still carrying some guilt and shame about it.

But the thing is… I am also so incredibly grateful for it.

What?! Brianne, how can you even say that? Well, because it’s true dammit. I am grateful for it because it opened my eyes to the gap. The gap that the Universe has been trying to show me all along.

Exploration over Stagnancy.

I used to believe that life was just a certain number of years where you had to simply survive what you were handed. But now, I get it. Life is really what you make it- as cheesy as that fucking sounds.

The truth is that it doesn’t matter whether or not there’s an afterlife (a conversation for another day)- you only have so many years on this planet.

Life is precious and short. But it’s also limitless.

The only one putting limits on your life and what you are capable of is yourself- and eventually, you’re going to wake up and realize that.

For most of us, that’s where our thirties come in.

The years where we question, outgrow, move on, let go, experiment, explore, say no, say yes, and so much more.

The years where we stop doing things how we always do them- and we do them how we want to do them instead.

That’s what these years have been for me- and that’s what this catastrophic failure really taught me. Who I actually want to be.

So needless to say, in addition to losing all my finances (and most of my sanity), I also let go of my nursing title and coaching business… slowly moving towards the identity I’ve always wanted:

a writer.

I’m excited to explore, create and share in a way that I think the world needs. Like what if I could be the voice that I was searching for, for all these years?

Needless to say, this bible is going to look a little different. In this space, I’ll be sharing an honest look at everything in my life as I explore all of the ways to live, love and heal yourself.

My goal isn’t to influence you, but to DE-influence you.

I’ve never believed in doing things ‘one way’ and I despise anyone who believes that there is a right or wrong way to do life.

I want to show you that there’s more out there. More ways to live, more ways to love, more ways to heal. And instead of looking at my life maybe wishing it was yours- I want to inspire you to live the life that you’ve always dreamed of.

So together let’s navigate these messy years, and if we can’t figure our shit out, maybe we can at least share some laughs or tears along the way.

Here for the chaos,

Brianne