Does manifestation exist, or is it all BS? [Part Two]

A detailed look inside how I went from losing everything to living a life of my wildest dreams... with proof that you really can have it all.

If you haven’t read Part One yet, check that out HERE.

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The date is November 28th, 2023.

I’ve just put my team of 20 on a layoff after they haven’t been paid in five weeks. My bank accounts are frozen, I am overseas with no way to get home, Christmas is on the horizon and emotions like anger and fear are starting to spread amongst everyone.

We haven’t paid rent on our clinic spaces, payments for vendors are bouncing, doors are being locked, and late fees, interest and more are starting to stack up higher than can possibly be paid back.

It feels like the thick of it, but the truth is… it’s only the beginning, and things are about to get much, much worse.

Ps. If you’re interested in hearing the full tea on exactly what happened with my company crash, you can take a listen to this podcast episode I recorded a year ago: How To Recover From Your Biggest F*ck Ups

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This was the start of a two-year journey that would lead to the inevitable crash of the company, career and identity that I’d spent the last ten years building. A crash that I was in no way prepared for, that nearly destroyed me, but yet, was one that I so desperately needed.

You see, when I talk about the old version of me (like in part one), where I refer to the limiting beliefs and fears that I held onto- you have to understand that while these were unconsciously present, they influenced every single moment of my life from the day that I was born.

There was a way that ‘old Brianne’ showed up- a way that is entirely different from now. A version of me that was so meek, so agreeable, and so destined to please- that I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted.

The career, business and identity that I had spent ten years building? It revolved around this and my previously noted mother-wound, which later was even further influenced by an oddly specific definition of success and freedom that I had learnt from all those dam manifestation books.

The gurus or influencers I watched and learned from in the years prior? They were all living life in a very similar way. They had things. Fancy bags, luxury cars, big houses.

But you know what else? They also had big businesses and impacts. They had large followings on social media, lots of employees or staff, and they were making a ‘splash’ in a very public way.

And so, it only made sense that if I wanted to be big, successful and live a life of my ‘dreams’, that I too should want these things, right?

I wanted what I seen, because that was all I thought was available to me. I only learned one definition of success, one definition of freedom… and it was impossible to dream of another.

This experience led to the creation of the ‘empire’ (or at least, that’s what I thought I was building)- a business that was so big and so bold, that it made a splash (and yes, I’m chuckling now at the irony of the splash it actually made).

Regardless, at the time I had thought to myself, “Could you imagine this big company, this huge team, all these clients? People around the world would know about my business. They would know MY name- and I’d be a sensation. How unbelievably cool would that be? Who wouldn’t want that?”

Well, as it unfortunately turns out- “I” very much did not want that.

You know what’s wild? Creating a business that requires you to manage people, when you really don’t like people. What’s even wilder? Creating a business that requires all of your time, when you’re looking for more time in your life.

What in the ever-loving-fuck was I thinking?

I say this comically, but it’s true. I’m a Scorpio, so by nature while I have a huge heart and ‘love’ people… I also want nothing to do with them. I don’t want to manage them. I don’t want to talk to them. And I most certainly don’t want to be responsible for them.

Not to mention, if you would have even asked me what our lifestyle was like and what our dream was- I would have told you continuing to live as we were. As minimalists, travelling the globe, enjoying life and getting to explore on our own time, in our own way.

I wanted a business that could provide this. I didn’t want to be tied to a computer screen, connecting to calls all day or being responsible for anyone’s success (staff or clients). I didn’t want to have to wake up to an alarm, I dreaded opening a group chat with 100 missed messages, and I resented having to deliver the packages or programs that I was selling.

The ultimate truth is that what I wanted was TIME freedom… I just didn’t know what that meant or that it was even an option because I didn’t see anyone else doing it.

So I tried to build the empire anyways.

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In the six months that followed the layoff, I tried desperately to cling onto the company with everything that I had. I was really white-knuckling that bitch, praying for a miracle, and hoping no one would see the mess for what it really was (even though they totally did).

Thus, I continued to make poor decision after poor decision. I poured money into the wrong places, prioritized the wrong things, oversold more programs that I could effectively deliver, and tried to take on the work of 20 people by myself.

By the time May 2024 rolled around, I was holding everything together with Elmer’s glue and duct tape. Everywhere you looked there were dumpster fires- and everyone could see it. I really was acting like a fraud and imposter- lying to myself and others, pretending like I was going to figure it all out- when deep down inside of me, I knew there was no way out.

Around this time, I stumbled upon a spiritual life coach, who for what reason I do not know- offered to work with me based on an energetic exchange (since I didn’t have an dollar to my name at the time).

Truth be told, it’s a significant moment for me, because she helped me change my entire life around and see things from a ‘spiritual’ perspective that I never understood before.

I remember that first zoom call that I hopped on with her. I remember how withdrawn I was. How sunken, ashy and dull my appearance was- like all the lifeforce energy had drained out of my body. I was stressed, quiet, and so incredibly ashamed. She asked me to let her know where I was and what was coming up- and I let it all spill out onto the table.

She didn’t judge, she didn’t criticize, she didn’t even offer me advice.

Instead, she asked me a question on that very first call (which still haunts me in a beautiful way today), which was: “Do you really want this?”

Now I know the question was technically pointed towards the business, and at the time, I answered exactly as the old identity of Brianne would have been expected to by loudly exclaiming “OF COURSE I DO!”

Like, why wouldn’t I?! This was my career. What I went to school for. What I’ve spent the last ten years working towards. What I’ve poured tears, sweat and blood into. I have people counting on me. The world needs this. I could NEVER walk away from it.

But you know what I see now, sitting on the other side? The question wasn’t just about the business. It was about the life I was living. It was about who I was showing up as. What I was choosing for myself. The fears and the beliefs that I was holding onto.

It was about everything… I just didn’t see that at the time.

Needless to say, she didn’t push. I’m sure she chuckled under her breath because she knew the truth of what would ultimately dismantle over the remainder of that year following- but she met me where I was at.

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Now it’s important at this point for me to acknowledge, when we began this ‘work’ together, I was very much your A-typical, hot-mess-express. My life? It was in complete shambles and chances are, you probably would have judged me harshly if you met me then (and that’s okay).

Looking back now (April of 2026) to that time (May of 2024)- I honestly can’t quite comprehend how I ended up so deep inside that cavern of depression and shame, but I sure as hell was there (and it’s hard not to have shame for the shame, if you know what I mean).

During this time, I was working 16+ hour days. I was waking up before the crack of dawn, phone instantly glued to my hand, with back-to-back calls all day, lucky if I crawled into bed by 11 pm. There were times when I would have 12-16 hours of calls in ONE DAY with clients.

Honestly, it probably goes without saying that wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating or moving my body. I wasn’t even taking breaks- not to grab a snack, not to have a glass of water, not even to use the washroom.

I was on red-alert. Trying desperately to deliver the materials I promised to clients (and failing miserably), while also obsessively checking social media to see (and delete) the stream of comments or messages that were coming in about me before anyone else ‘saw’.

I was always working. And if I wasn’t working… well, I was thinking about it anyway.

You know the saying “if I stop stirring the pot, the pot stops stirring?”- ya… I lived by that and believed it with every fiber of my being. I wasn’t just not present- I was completely checked out. In fact, the larger part of the last two years I was actually so disassociated that I have little to no memory still.

I was the epitome of stress. Covered in cystic acne, hair falling out, horrible digestion, wild mood swings, horrible PMS, struggling with insomnia, having routine panic attacks, and consistently wondering what life might be like if I just didn’t exist anymore- {because if I was gone, would they still hate me?}.

It was the lowest of lows, a place I truly don’t wish for anyone else to visit.

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Now what is important for us to highlight at this point, is that I believed if I could just work a little bit harder, a little bit longer- I could somehow save it from all crashing down around me.

But the thing is… the harder I worked, the more I hustled, the more I sacrificed… the worse things got. I was ‘mind-setting’ so hard (believing that I could turn it around, wishing, praying, visualizing and using all those ‘tips’ for manifestation that I had learned in years previous)… but yet, literally nothing was happening in my favour.

Revenue streams were drying up, people were getting angrier, I was getting sicker, and more and more challenges were popping up in every area of my business and life.

It was as if the ‘blessing train’ was stuck at another station and I had hopped onto the ‘bad luck’ train by mistake. But I refused to give up because it didn’t just feel important- it felt like it was required.

Have you ever felt that way? An inability to let go, even when everything is screaming at you to just release your grip? I bet you have. Truthfully, in some ways, I believe this might happen each time we face an identity death- being scared of what is to come when all we see is darkness.

Either way, she knew. She could see the energy that I was operating from, how out of alignment I was from who I wanted to be and what I actually wanted to create for my life- even before I learnt that there was ‘something else’ out there. And she was about to teach me something that years of courses, books, and podcasts hadn’t been able to.

So for a year, we met on Zoom. The entire time we ‘worked’ together, I spent our calls talking. Sharing about what was coming up. What I was struggling with. The challenges I was facing. How completely out of control I felt and how scared I was of all the mistakes I was making. Basically, a ball of complete denial and victim-hood, all wrapped up into one.

But she never once told me what to do. She only asked me questions.

Questions that cut sharp and honestly most of the time pissed me the fuck off, because how could she even question that? But somehow… I’d always find myself coming back to what she asked and starting to question the narrative that I was telling (and selling) myself.

The truth is that she knew. She knew that I had the answers. She knew that I was ignoring my intuition. She knew that my body and soul were saying something completely different than my mind. She knew that I was out of energetic alignment. And she knew that I knew… even if I hadn’t admitted it yet.

But that admittance? That was the surrendering to the darkness that was required in order for me to let go, in order for me to come into alignment, in order for me to get everything that I actually desired- and THAT? That was scary as fuck.

That was admitting that the way I was operating wasn’t serving me.

That was admitting that what I was building wasn’t what I wanted.

That was admitting the problem was in fact, entirely me- and the only way forward was complete destruction of the life that I was living and everything that I knew to be true about myself.

And that admittance was a process that took the next year.

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To be continued in Part Three.

Yep. I did it again. See you in the third, and final piece 😉

Setting fire to old beliefs,

Brianne xx