The 30' Something Bible
Just when you think you've got your life figured out- you enter your thirties and life becomes a hot mess express. I'm here to welcome you home.
Welcome to the Shit Show.
Suddenly it happened- one day you opened your eyes and found yourself in your thirties staring at your reflection wondering how it happened.
Life felt pretty good for a while, maybe even easy. It felt like you had it all figured out.
And then, seemingly overnight, things began to unravel. Slowly at first- but unravelling all the same.
You started to feel different, like you didn’t quite fit. In certain boxes, with certain people, in certain environments- and you thought, maybe there’s something wrong with me?
But truthfully, there was never anything wrong with you- and deep down inside, you know it. The gaps you’re feeling were always there… you’re just really seeing them now for the first time.
This? This is your thirties.
The messy, sticky, chaotic years where you begin to heal and see the world for what it really is- not what you were programmed to see.
Where you stop carrying around the mask you’ve always worn, so that you can discover who you were truly meant to be.
And where you stop shrinking, apologizing, and pleasing just to keep the peace- because life is too fucking short to give a dam.
This is your thirties. Welcome home.
The Bible.
I don’t know about you, but the word ‘bible’ used to leave a foul taste in my mouth. Growing up, I was raised by a family that preached Christian values… only to watch them lie, cheat and steal their way through life.
Hypocritical, to say the least.
So when I was thinking of names for this new creative outlet of mine, I played around with a lot before I settled on THAT word. Because truthfully? I’m not religious and I didn’t want myself or any part of what I’m doing associated with that.
But, I think it’s time for a new spin on it- and if I’m being hella honest… the word ‘diary’ just wasn’t gong to cut it. It had me flashing back to the awkward years of 2000-2005. No thank you!
So here we are, The 30’ Something Bible.
Why now? Why this Substack? Why me?
Well, I’m not sure I have an answer for you other than this felt right in everyway imaginable. I’ve been through the ringer when it comes to hardships in life- and I’ve spent the last 10+ years rewriting more wounds than most people could even comprehend.
The big capital T truth is that for most of my life, I’ve wanted to be a writer.
Actually, make that my whole life.
But between the pressure of my family to become a nurse (first to attend University), and my doubts about my abilities (who would even want to read what ‘I’ wrote?!), it just didn’t seem like a feasible option. Cue the redirect from the Universe.
Things got messy.
I entered my thirties as most do, excited for the decade ahead thinking I was really going to make something of myself and my life-
totally oblivious to the baggage I was carrying around with me.
I was building a business I believed could change the world- taking a small step away from nursing towards the world of possibility.
Subconsciously, this was the beginning of the division. The division between who I had been for the first thirty years of my life… and who I was meant to become for the remainder.
I didn’t see it, but I wish I did. Because what happened next was painful- not like the ‘I stepped on a Lego’ kind, but the real deep, heart-wrenching kind of pain.
My business? It was built on popcorn farts and fairy dust. A massive expansion taken much too quickly, fueled by deep-seeded wounds of unworthiness, people pleasing, validation and fear.
And while it started out hopeful, within a few short months it crumbled- leaving my husband and I in financial ruin (hello bankruptcy), and creating an angry mob of hurt people who wanted nothing more than to direct their pain to the source.
The shame was one thing, the stress was another.
My nervous system got wrenched backwards into a state of PTSD unlike anything I’d ever experienced before… and I fell, hard. Isolated, disassociated, and more sick than I’d ever been in my life.
Walking into a grocery store, I’d have a full on system-meltdown that I might run into someone who hated me- and every time I opened my phone I feared I’d once again see hundreds of angry comments or anonymous emails threatening my life.
For a while, I felt broken. It’s taken me nearly two years to heal from that experience- and in ways I’m still carrying some guilt and shame about it.
But the thing is… I am also so incredibly grateful for it.
What?! Brianne, how can you even say that? Well, because it’s true dammit. I am grateful for it because it opened my eyes to the gap. The gap that the Universe has been trying to show me all along.
Exploration over Stagnancy.
I used to believe that life was just a certain number of years where you had to simply survive what you were handed. But now, I get it. Life is really what you make it- as cheesy as that fucking sounds.
The truth is that it doesn’t matter whether or not there’s an afterlife (a conversation for another day)- you only have so many years on this planet.
Life is precious and short. But it’s also limitless.
The only one putting limits on your life and what you are capable of is yourself- and eventually, you’re going to wake up and realize that.
For most of us, that’s where our thirties come in.
The years where we question, outgrow, move on, let go, experiment, explore, say no, say yes, and so much more.
The years where we stop doing things how we always do them- and we do them how we want to do them instead.
That’s what these years have been for me- and that’s what this catastrophic failure really taught me. Who I actually want to be.
So needless to say, in addition to losing all my finances (and most of my sanity), I also let go of my nursing title and coaching business… slowly moving towards the identity I’ve always wanted:
a writer.
I’m excited to explore, create and share in a way that I think the world needs. Like what if I could be the voice that I was searching for, for all these years?
Needless to say, this bible is going to look a little different. In this space, I’ll be sharing an honest look at everything in my life as I explore all of the ways to live, love and heal yourself.
My goal isn’t to influence you, but to DE-influence you.
I’ve never believed in doing things ‘one way’ and I despise anyone who believes that there is a right or wrong way to do life.
I want to show you that there’s more out there. More ways to live, more ways to love, more ways to heal. And instead of looking at my life maybe wishing it was yours- I want to inspire you to live the life that you’ve always dreamed of.
So together let’s navigate these messy years, and if we can’t figure our shit out, maybe we can at least share some laughs or tears along the way.
Here for the chaos, Brianne
Just turned 30 in December and SO excited to follow along ☺️