Does manifestation exist, or is it all BS? [Part One]

A detailed look inside how I went from losing everything to living a life of my wildest dreams... with proof that you really can have it all.

Before we begin, it’s important to me to preface this with an honest-to-god truth.

This isn’t going to be your regular run of the mill hit-piece where I share how I went from ‘nothing’ to a million dollars in my bank account overnight. I’m not going to sugar-coat this or gate-keep what’s worked, and I sure as hell won’t be pretending I’ve got it all figured out… because I 100% do not.

BUT, what I can tell you is this-

Growing up I experienced a lot of trauma that I had no understanding of or guidance in for healing, and as a result- I became a woman who made some pretty terrible mistakes later on in life.

In 2023 I had a business (that employed over 20 people) that catastrophically crashed and burned… taking me and everyone else down with it.

Trust me when I say it’s not a cute rebound story (at least not yet), and there’s so much more to impact here that we unfortunately won’t be covering today.

However, what I ultimately want you to know is that the last three years of my life have been filled with pain, suffering, and a lot of regret. I filed bankruptcy, was attacked publicly for over 2 years, and even stalked online with multiple death-threats.

My nervous system was fried, I burnt through the entirety of our savings, assets, and even my husband’s pension- and I simultaneously was in the darkest depression period of my life (of which I’ve had many).

I lost everything and was at rock bottom- metaphorically, but also literally. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through that, let alone get to a place where I was thriving ever again. Yet- here I am.

Currently sitting poolside at our boutique hotel in Laos, 7 weeks into our 3 month travelling adventure. I walked away from my nursing license, hung up my 10-year coaching hat, haven’t ‘worked’ in over a year… and yet, somehow, the money keeps finding me. Opportunities keep finding me. Blessings keep finding me.

And while I may not be a millionaire (yet)- I am experiencing a richness that I haven’t ever felt before in my life. I’m working way less, playing way more, following what lights me up, ignoring every ‘strategy’, travelling without any financial guarantees or back ups- and it all just keeps working out for me.

I am living the life I used to dream about, the life of my ‘wildest dreams’, and I feel like I am currently living proof that you really can have it all.

So today I wanted to talk about what this has looked like. How over the last three years, I went from experiencing bankruptcy and failure, to living like this. How I’ve been able to rewrite the rules of life, get what I desire, and profit off of the energy of the ‘universe’ without some magic step-by-step process.

My goal is to ultimately share what’s worked, what hasn’t worked, and most importantly- help you cut through the noise so that you can start winning in life like this too. But you know, in your own way.

So let’s cut to the chase and dive in, shall we?

Ps. If you’re interested in hearing the full tea on exactly what happened with my company crash, you can take a listen to this podcast episode I recorded a year ago: How To Recover From Your Biggest F*ck Ups

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Is it appropriate to have a second preface on the first draft? Just kidding.

Let me start by saying, I wasn’t always a ‘spiritual’ girlie. There was a time when I believed solely in the science, logic and realism that the world wants you to see.

I’m not actually sure where it started, but I’m guessing it was during the last ten years of my ‘conscious healing journey’, where I started to question what we’ve been taught.

Go to school, get a good job, work hard, make lots of money, retire and live well.

In theory, it sounds great. But in actuality, what I seen was people stressed, broke, and in debt, struggling to get by and grateful for a few days off a year- who repeated the cycle until they were sick, injured or dead.

Oy. Not much of a life, wouldn’t you agree?

And I recognized that- even if it was quietly hidden in the background of my mind to start. I knew that they weren’t really living. I knew that we’d been lied to. And I knew that somehow, someway… there was more out there for me.

So slowly, overtime, I began to learn about energy. How everything is made of energy, and how like attracts like. They called it manifestation and law of attraction- and despite every logical part of my brain telling me it was bullshit, I got real curious.

Between 2015 to 2023 I dabbled. I read the books, I followed the gurus, I took the courses. I learned the language, practiced the rituals, followed the advice step-by-step.

I thought I understood what it meant, and I thought I had learned all there was to know. Which, in case you’re gaslighting yourself like I was- please understand that if you ever think you know ‘everything’ about a subject, you’re sadly mistaken.

Either way, I was ultimately on the road to building a business with what I’ll say was entirely the wrong energy. I thought that mindset was what mattered- because you know, that’s what they talked about- but as it turns out, it was my deep-seeded and unresolved wounds that were running the show.

Unbeknownst to me, I was struggling with a boat-load of limiting beliefs and paralyzing fears that would only become apparent following the crash… and boy, oh, boy, did they become apparent.

These included, but were not limited to:

• the fear of failure

• the fear of being judged

• the fear of not being liked

• the fear of disappointing others

• the fear of people having bad things to say about me

• a need to please everyone

• an inability to face conflict

• never speaking up for myself

• a need to prove myself

• a need for validation and approval

• an inability to face my own darkness within

• wanting to be seen as a good girl

• and so much more.

In fact, as I would later find out, the majority of these wounds were instilled in childhood as a result of having a mother who was incapable of love without conditions or exchange.

The truth is that I had a gaping mother-wound the size of my fist inside of my heart… and I had zero idea that this would be the main driving energetic force behind the creation and ‘running’ of my business (if you can call it that).

A need to prove myself, to say ‘look at me and what I was able to do’, to show her just how much she was missing out on by not loving me.

(For context, I have been ‘disowned’ from my mother since 2013, a story I will surely write about soon).

Needless to say, this energy was running ramped throughout my body- fears, beliefs and unresolved emotions pocketed so deep down inside that I didn’t even know they were there. But you know what? The universe sure did.

Because when it comes to energy, you simply cannot fake it ‘til you make it. You can’t mindset your way around it or think ‘positively’ enough to bypass it. It doesn’t matter how many vision boards you have, how much you think about your dreams, or how much you connect with the future ‘you’ who has it all.

Manifestation and law of attraction? It’s built 100% on CURRENT energy- and I was making every choice for my business based on basically the exact wrong-kind. Go me!

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When I realized this, suddenly everything began to click into place, and somewhat unexpectedly… I became a full-fledged spiritual girlie on a mission to rewrite space and time. For dramatic effects, shall we call it “one with the Universe”? (lol).

I kid, but in all seriousness, in that exact moment, I became a complete believer in the very thing I was trying so hard to ‘convince’ my logical-self of for so many years: there was more out there for me, AND there was an easier way to get it.

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Now I’m gonna stop us here for a little reflection moment, because as I described in the preface section above- the last few years of my life were absolute hell. I experienced greater pain and discomfort during this time than anything else I’d ever went through before (and fuck, I’ve lived through a lot).

So here me when I say: the ‘easier way to get it’, and the ‘life I’m living now’, are a direct result of the hard, uncomfortable, and sometimes dark AF work that I put in during this time.

Unlike what a lot of manifestation experts and gurus want to tell you- the journey to the greener grass is not all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, I would absolutely argue that it’s actually dreadfully painful because parts of you (of your identity) are actually dying and being rebirthed in real time.

And sure, there will be glimmers and glimpses of beautiful things- but usually? They are buried deep within the hellscape and you can only see them after you’ve lost ten pounds of water-weight from crying so dam hard.

Simply put, if you want to change your life, then you have to put in the work.

You have to surrender into your own internal darkness and be willing to sit with every single thing that comes up. You have to hold up the mirrors and acknowledge that the things appearing in your life are a direct result of your own energetic state.

You have to admit that the problem is, and has always been, you.

Because when (and only when) you’ve been able to do that, will you be able to actually change your life and get what you want. And if you don’t- you’ll continue being stuck in the void, hitting the glass ceiling, and wondering why everyone else is seeing growth but you are not.

It’s hard to hear, it’s not glamourous or aesthetic, and it’s definitely going to trigger a lot of you- but it’s the truth. And it does work.

So let’s talk about exactly what that looked like for me.

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To be continued in Part Two.

I know, I know. I had to. See you in the next piece 😉

Illuminating the BS,

Brianne xx