You know the feeling when you open your social media apps, and suddenly your feed is filled with pretty pictures, perfectly worded captions, and smiles so big you feel like you could literally choke on ‘em?
Well, I’ve been obsessing over it lately, and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been getting to me and completely messing up my energy.
So today we’re gonna talk about it- because I think there’s more people here in this space than any of us are willing to admit.
Let’s back it up just a little bit so that you get the full picture, okay?
When I came home in May from three months of living abroad, deep down I knew that I was headed for another life-altering step into the unknown.
Some might call it a quantum-leap, and in a lot of ways I suppose it is. But what a lot of people don’t realize is that in order to quantum-leap, you must quantum-fall… often smack dab on your face.
I am really sorry to have to tell you this and I wish it wasn’t true (trust me, I know it sucks). But it is in fact the truth- even if we want to pretend it’s not.
Contrast is just a part of life. For every inhale there must be an exhale. For every rise there must be a fall. For every expansion there must be a contraction.
And in growth, there are no exceptions.
You simply cannot build a new house on an old foundation- and you cannot take another breath when you have not yet released the first one.
So if you’re gonna go around all willy-nilly asking for ‘more’ in your life like I did- then you must be prepared for the contraction.
Whatever does not fit into your new reality must first fall away before the things that you actually do want can show up. And that part? Well, it can fucking hurt.
Thus in May, I came home feeling inspired. I knew what I wanted. What I wanted it to look like. Feel like. Be like. I knew how I wanted to show up and the exact ways in which I was going to do just that.
In fact, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could finally see ‘it’ you know… the big picture. The version of my life where everything works out and finally I get everything that I want. The reality I’ve been dreaming of for 33 years.
So I got home and I got to work. I wrote out my goals, dreams and aspirations. I made lists upon lists. I started writing, doing, showing up consistently- and it felt good.
Better than that, I started to see some progress. Subscribes going up, followers increasing on social media, likes and comments rising- even an odd message or two about the posts I made deeply resonating with someone.
I thought ‘fuck yes- this is it’ (insert giddy girl scream here) and I buckled down even harder- becoming more consistent, giving more, doing more- thinking that I was just one post away from all of my dreams coming true.
Then suddenly, almost poetically, everything shifted. But not in the way you’d expect.
Overnight, progress stalled. Subscribers dropped off, likes and comments dried up- it was as if I had somehow been blacklisted and all of the content that I was working so hard on was being hidden from my entire list.
Hurt, frustrated and confused- I did what any self-respecting woman does in this stage… I started looking at everyone else.
ENTER: The Comparison Loop.
Let me be clear that one of the things that I love most about Substack is that every time I open my feed it is filled with badass women who are just out there, doing their thing, posting their thoughts, raising each other up and demanding more for their lives.
It’s inspiring- but it’s also the most triggering fucking thing I’ve ever witnessed.
Because depending on what feeling or vibration we’re currently ‘feeding’… we can either use this to propel us forward, or it can be the anchor that literally sinks us.
And in a comparison loop? It’s definitely the anchor that sinks us.
Thus, for the last few weeks, I’ve been stuck, sinking. Every time I opened my feed I was seeing notes I’d wished I’d thought of, pictures I’d wished I’d taken, lives I’d wished I was living.
It was making me feel less-than. Like I was out of style, old news. That I had somehow ‘missed my mark’ and wasted the opportunity that had been right in front of me for months- and that I had no other option but to pack it up and quit.
As such, I allowed this to consume me. To completely take over my life and impact every single decision that I was making. To effect how I’ve been showing up.
I’ve second-guessed every note I’ve typed, struggled to come up with content ideas, and even at one point convinced myself that I needed a new phone (because obviously that would solve the problem, duh 🙄).
Needless to say… I’ve been frustrated about the ‘success’ I have been seeing and annoyed as heck at the woman who has her shit together.
The truth is that I thought that ‘she’ was the problem. But as it turns out… it’s actually what I have allowed myself to believe about my life because of her.
Aka: the wound, feeling or vibration that I have been feeding.
Hi. I’m The Problem. It’s Me.
One of the most uncomfortable parts of healing and growth is recognizing that you’re the common denominator in all of your problems, and that you always have been.
Yes. You are, quite frankly, the problem.
BUT… that also means that you are also the solution.
You hold the power to change your life. To change how you are feeling, to change how you show up, to change what is a priority, to change what you believe.
You can change it all- just as I too, am recognizing that I can also do this.
However, in order to change your life, you must first be willing to recognize and admit that there is a problem, that you are unnecessarily causing yourself pain, and that at any point you can set it down and choose something different.
So, the full, hard-stop truth of it all for me?
I’ve allowed myself to believe that everything I am seeing her do, I am without.
Yes. That’s really all it is. A lie that I’ve literally made up.
At the end of the day it’s really not about the pretty pictures, the perfect captions, the big smiles, or even where she is or what she’s doing.
It’s about what those pictures and posts have represented to my subconscious.
Without realizing it, I’ve been pouring gasoline on a fire that says:
“you are not capable enough. not smart enough. not organized enough. not pretty enough. not talented enough. not worthy enough.”
→ I’ve literally found 101 reasons inside of those posts and pictures about why I can’t-but she can. About what is possible for me based on what she does.
I’ve allowed myself to enter (and stay stuck) inside a deep state of victim-mode feeling sorry for myself and blaming others, wanting to use her action as an excuse for my inaction, her success as an excuse for my failure… as if there isn’t enough to go around.
But in reality- the problem was never her. It was always me and my willingness to abandon myself the moment that things got hard.
Your Highest Self.
We’ve heard a lot about stepping into and embodying our ‘highest self’… but why does no one talk about what happens when we slip into our lowest self instead?
The truth is that both sides of the coin exist- just like light and dark.
Contrast is present and always will be present. There are no exceptions in healing. To be ready to embrace the light, we must first accept the darkness.
And more often than not… that darkness is within. So, here is mine:
I don’t hate the woman who’s got it all. The truth is that I hate that there’s a part of me who believes that I don’t- and I’m still figuring out how to love and accept that.
And while I recognize that I don’t have to have everything figured out today and it will likely take me a little bit to fully release this limiting belief- today I’m choosing to consciously step out of the comparison loop I’ve fallen into so that I can start feeding those higher vibration emotions instead.
Today I’m choosing to be happy, to have gratitude, to post, to be excited, and to share- because I believe that someone else might be here too and need to hear these words.
But most importantly… today I’m choosing to celebrate ‘her’- the woman who’s got it all going on- because there is more than enough to go around and her success is literally proof that I can have it too 🫶🏼
Women I’m Celebrating:
I wanted to end this article today with some of the specific women who I’ve been watching completely crush it online lately- and who have been triggering the fuck out of me (in the absolute best way ♥).
These women have been showing up authentically, posting consistency, and likely without even knowing it- have been inspiring and motivating me to heal a deep wound, and to do better and be better moving forward.
Give them a follow, show them some love, and let them trigger you too 😉:
Rosie Rae; Modge Podge (rosie rae)
Sofia Falck; Notes On Living (sofia falck)
Rachel; Off Duty ( Rachel | Off Duty ✨)
Grecia Figueroa; This Is My Take (Grecia Figueroa)
Sam Burgess; In Good Company (Sam • Aspiring Bookseller)
Deanna Frig; Letters By Deanna (Deanna Frig)
Nat Sang; The Midlife Reset (Nat Sang)
Pssst. this list is not fully inclusive, so if I didn’t tag you please know that if I’m following you, you’ve likely played a part in this discovery and growth too! xx
Thanks for being here friend. I hope this sparked something inside of you today.
If you want more downloads like this
The 30 Something Bible is a one-stop-shop for all of your mid-life needs, with weekly written reflections on surviving life in your thirties, bingeable love-notes in audio format, and monthly reset rituals to help you shed limitations and actually create a life worth living.
Inside of this publication you’ll find written reflections and personal musings designed to inspire and educate you, all related to the experiences I am currently navigating as a 33 year old woman.
The topics on these written pieces will vary with important areas of focus like identity growth and self-concept, relationships and communication, wealth and purpose, trauma healing and recovery- and so much more.
Choosing to subscribe for free gives you exclusive access to all of this and more- delivered straight to your inbox every single week. Best part? You can choose to read what aligns and skip what doesn’t based on what season you find yourself in right now.
Now, should you choose to upgrade and become a paid member you also receive:
Exclusive access to The Healing Chapter; an entire (and ever evolving) library of healing resources, audios, workbooks and more.
Monthly cacao connections; an intentionally timed and heart-centered call answering questions submitted by readers. Connect and get your questions answered in real time, by me!
Advance registration, free tickets, replay access and exclusive discounts for all upcoming events and workshops, like full moon circles, live streams, retreats and more.
And finally, as a founding member, you’ll also receive access to the Self-FULL Mastermind; a two hour (live and recorded) call every month with other founding members, where we connect on video to share, reflect and release any blocks that might be getting in the way of truly loving ourselves.
From just $8/month. Cancel anytime.
If you have any questions, or if this brought up something for you, let me know below in the comments so we can support each other through these hard moments 🫶🏽
Love, Brianne xx
P.S. If something I shared today made you think, smile, or feel something deep inside- you can now buy me a tea to help fuel even more early morning creative sessions 💌
About the Author:
Hey there! I’m Brianne, the messy human behind The 30 Something Bible. I’m a full-time writer, speaker, and host of the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. Born and raised a small-town Alberta girl, I now spend six months a year travelling the globe in search of a slower, softer way of living.
Here, I write about navigating the changes and challenges that your 30’s can bring, how to heal and move past the difficult things you’ve experienced in your life, and all the ways to create a life more magical and delicious than your wildest dreams.
I’m so honoured to have you here in my little corner of the internet- and I hope that my journey inspires you to demand more for your life. Thanks for being here!
💬 Feel free to like or comment on this newsletter so more Substack users can find it!
I have had all these feelings too!! Its funny how you can feel so good and so sure of what you're doing and as soon as there is a lull its like omg I suck, I need to change, look at everyone else doing better than me. Definitely get this!! And thank you so much for including me on the list 🤍🤍🤍
oh wowwww. this was everything. thank you so mich for writing this, and how surreal to see my name there. it actually means the world 💌🤧